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Here’s To A Super Weekend

Headlines: ‘The Donald’ Has Spoken

The list of presidential candidates is getting fairly thin,

As Mr. Trump has just stepped up to tell us who should win.

He’s just backed Mr. Romney with his self-important flair

And Mitt’s not sure that it’s a plus to have the backing of ‘The Hair’

Money: Facebook IPO – Because $3.9 Billion in Cash Isn’t Enough

We’ve watched the Facebook story and how their profits spike,

And with their recent IPO we can really show we ‘Like’.

Is this investment for the rich, the young or empty nesters?

Oh, never mind, it’s only open to those privileged investors.

Sports: It’s Super Weekend . . . For Madison Avenue

This weekend there’ll be football, you can hear the final roar,

For Sunday is the Super Bowl or perhaps the Super Bore.

As many times the game is dull and often times it’s bad;

So pay attention at timeouts, as it’s then you’ll see the ads.

Life: Gives A Whole New Meaning to S.A.G.

Madonna is the half time show for Super Bowl this week;

At 54 it could be that she’s slightly past her peak.

But malfunctions of her wardrobe is of no concern, unless

The sight of her support hose can be seen beneath her dress.

 

 

HAPPY HANGING CHAD DAY!

Headlines:  This ballot is so easy – it’s already got Mitt’s name filled in!

Well, if it’s Tuesday surely somewhere it  must be Primary Day

And sure enough, Floridians will finally have their say.

Frankly we don’t care how any of the candidates rate,

We are just thankful that this week there won’t be any more debates.

Money:  The return of an American icon.  But is he deductible?

Honda Motors has announced it’s bringing back one of our faves,

Ferris Bueller will appear in a Super Bowl ad, to raves.

But Ferris might discover his parents’ welcome is destructible,

Because the IRS ruled this week that adult kids are not deductible.

Sports:  Strung out.

We went to bed quite early, set the alarm so we would wake,

We wanted to see Nadal vs. Djokovic, every serve and every break.

But it turned into a marathon, neither one would be dispatched,

We could have slept for three more hours and still seen half the match.

Life:  Talk about skeletons in the closet!

We read that Shirley MacLaine will join the “Downton Abby”cast,

We’re wondering if she’ll play someone that she’s been in the past?

And Demi Moore this week overdosed on aerosol from “Whip It”,

If that’s the best that she could do, maybe she should skip it.

Aloha

This week I’m in Hawaii and have just turned off the news,

And focused on relaxing, taking in some sunset views.

So my world consists of trade winds and walking on the sand

And sitting by a palm tree with a Mai Tai in my hand.

This week I do not wonder, ‘Is the market bull or bear?’

My big concern is where to place my reclining poolside chair.

This week I will not wonder, ‘Should I buy or should I sell?’

But just relax in places that I’ve come to know so well.

This week there’ll be no sniping or my sarcasm to share;

Just the squawking from the birds that fill the morning air.

There is nothing to be learned, as I will not try to teach,

As I sit and watch the waves as they crash upon the beach.

I know this week is ending and my life will rearrange,

And my lazy, ‘island attitude’ will surely have to change.

I know that soon my office will be getting lots of use,

But please forgive this one last day where I can just ‘hang loose’.

MAYBE THERE IS SUCH A THING AS A STUPID QUESTION

Headlines:  The true American hero..ine.

Newt Gingrich won South Carolina only due to this one thing:

He answered a ridiculous question from CNN’s John King.

Meanwhile Gabby Giffords has decide to retire,

But ‘though she’ll no longer be in office, she’ll continue to inspire.

 Money:  Edsel…Kodak…RIM?

Remember back when Blackberry was the phone you must possess,

When BBM and the roller track would cause us to obsess?

Now it’s just about extinct, no innovative ideas have been heeded,

Yet the new CEO says that “no drastic changes will be needed”.

Sports:  Well…there’s always next year.

Just as we expected, the Patriots beat Baltimore,

The Raven’s kicker missed the uprights and couldn’t make the winning score.

As for the writers of this blog, we don’t mean to come off as whiners,

But we’re very disappointed that the Giants beat our ‘Niners.

Life:  The Celebrity Go-round.

The weekend brought a plethora of relationship news,

Aretha nixed her engagement; Heidi will be someone else’s muse.

Kristin and Jay will have a baby; Drew and Will are going to wed,

And sadly, at age 73, the wonderful Etta James is dead.

Perry, Eastman, Lowe and Shatner

Headlines: “I’m Suspending My Campaign and I’d Like to Endorse . . . uhhh.

Governor Rick Perry has closed down his whole campaign;

He realized that his efforts were probably in vain.

As to whom he will endorse for election this November

He’d like to tell us all, but it seems he can’t remember.

Money: No Smiles For The Camera

They gave us ‘Kodak moments’ and film that was the best,

But the digital revolution caused the company much unrest.

George Eastman, the great founder, surely sheds a tear from heaven;

The Eastman Kodak Company has filed Chapter 11.

Sports: Who needs ESPN?

Is Payton coming back?  Will Eli play his best?

Will the team that wins it all be from the east or from the west?

Whatever you are hearing, if you really want to know;

All you have to do is get connected to Rob Lowe.

Life:  In Super Bowl Ad Has Shatner Going Over A Cliff A Bus

William Shatner was a ‘Trekie’ as the famous Capt. Kirk

And then in Boston Legal on TV did legal work.

For 14 years he’s told us they’ll negotiate with us,

But in an ad forthcoming, Priceline throws him off the bus.

LET’S STAY HOME

Headlines:  Were the lifeboats included in the “resort” package?

The Italian ship Costa Concordia had some frightful luck,

The hull crashed on some rocks and tipped over in the muck.

The Captain acted as the Italian military is prone,

He surrendered his position and left the passengers on their own.

Money:  Next they will affix a toilet to the La-Z-Boy.

Burger King is testing home delivery of their meals,

Redesigning all the packaging with heat –protective seals.

They are targeting that connoisseur of fast food shoppers:

Those who won’t get off the couch for fries and a Big Whopper.

Sports:  Who Dat?  Not the Saints.

Football is a sport that people cheer with much emotion,

A Saint’s fan shot a Niner fan simply based on his devotion.

For the Cheeseheads it is nothing but depression and gloom,

Their team will watch the Super Bowl from the comfort of their living room.

Life:   Can’t Meryl afford a stylist?

The Golden Globes were glittering, the dresses over the top,

But the acceptance speeches droned, it seemed they wouldn’t stop.

Rickey Gervais’ jokes were silly and seemed just a bit tired,

Next stop? The Apprentice so Trump can say “You’re Fired!”

Nomination Decided With Just Two States!

Headlines: Is the nomination process already over?

Iowa and New Hampshire have chosen Romney with their vote,

So it seems the other 48 have clearly missed the boat.

Romney is the nominee, stop the presses, hold the ads;

The best the rest of us can hope is not to have a hanging chad.

 

Money: Should the person putting out the unemployment numbers lose his job?

Last week our unemployment number was on a slight decline

And if that’s all we heard or saw then things would be just fine

But more numbers were released this week, unemployment’s seen a spike

So depending on your party, just pick the numbers that you like

 

Sports: C’mon Man, Where’s His Tats?  

If you’re wondering what all the fuss is around young Mr. Tebow,

There is something about the NFL fan that you clearly need to know.

They mock him and deride him with ridicule so strong,

Because their typical role model has a rap sheet a mile long.

 

Life: I’d Like to Thank All the Little People, Because They Make Me Look So Big

The Peoples Choice, The Critics Choice, the Oscars and the Emmys;

The actors in their latest fashion walk the carpet with such ease.

They put shining globes and statues upon their mansion’s shelves;

How many more awards will they create to fete themselves?

 Make it a redposey year

www.redposey.com

IT ALREADY FEELS SO 2011

Headlines:  Blah, Blah, Blah

Well, it’s really starting: the “fun” of an election year,

Where the politicians posture and all seem so sincere.

Bachmann has dropped out and everyone is ripping Mitt,

Now it’s just a game of seeing who’ll be the next obit.

Money:  So the half-off Christmas sales were harmful?

The past few years have brought enough economic trouble,

Now economists say deflation will be the next financial bubble.

Falling prices and declining incomes are a sure sign of the trend,

It’s so confusing we don’t know whether to save a buck or spend.

Sports:  Talk about a 12th man!

The NFL playoff teams are one step closer to the Super Bowl,

The Texans, Saints and Giants are really on a roll.

But it was the Bronco victory in overtime that really had to be seen,

Tebow silenced all his critics who now believe in 3:16.

Life:  How do you spell self-involved? 

Beyonce had her baby girl and hoping to be discreet,

She took over Lenox Hospital, treating it like a hotel suite.

Her lucky number is 4 so she named the baby IVy Blue,

We think dIVa is also a name that she just might live up to.

Turn Bad Resolutions Into Better Resolutions

By Bob Sparrow

Some of you have already put your New Year’s resolutions on paper; hopefully they’re in pencil.  Most of us have had some vague ideas rattling around in our heads about how we’d resolve, no, how we’d ‘wish’ this new year would be different from anything we’ve ever experienced in the past.  The fact is, while there is typically a lot of ‘resolutioning’ going on at this time of year, there is very little that is actually resolved.  I’m not trying to be a downer here; I’m just trying to keep you from another year of disappointments – resolution after resolution succumbing to reality sometime in January, or if you’re lucky, February.  I therefore offer you a guide for keeping your resolutions . . . real.

Bad Resolution: I’m going to lose weight  The average American adult gains about 2 pounds per year; the average gain in weight over the holidays is about 5 pounds.  Even if you got one of those oxymoronic diseases where you painfully, but thankfully lost 10 pounds while feeling miserable, you’ll go right back to your poor diet and lack of exercise as soon as you’re healthy enough to sit up and eat a bag of chips.

Better Resolution: Fat people are jolly, resolve to be jollier.

Bad Resolution: I’m going to join a gym  This is part of the above lie you’ve told yourself about being healthier this year.  Gyms prey on people like you in January with deals to get you in the door – they know you’ll never keep it up, you know you’ll never keep it up, but you resolve that this year is going to be different.  It’s not; save the $29 ‘special offer’ and all the money you’ll spend on ‘I’m looking good’ work out gear.

Better Resolution: Walk to the nearest gym, look at all the saps who were duped this year, walk home and enjoy a Cinnabon. 

I’m going to spend more time with the kids:  This assume that the other demands on your time are going to diminish – they’re not.  You love your kids, you want to spend more time with them, but are you going to work less, play less golf, miss your favorite TV show?  No.  Besides, you’re kids are getting older and they want to spend less time with you, but will want to see you when they need money.

Better Resolution: Spend ‘quality’ time with the kids, whatever that is and keep cash handy.

I’m going to be better at work:  A mere turning of the calendar page is not going to make you a better employee or employer.  Yes, you can agree to treat Dottie in accounting a little better, but you know she’s going to piss you off when she asks for all those expense receipts.  And the only way you’re going to become a better salesman this year is if the economy gets better.

Better Resolution: Try to keep your job.

I’m going to be a better person: This is sort of the ‘catch all’ resolution; it’s great because it’s vague enough to keep you unaccountable.  It can encompass everything from being a better spouse (this is fine until you realize that your partner hasn’t made the same resolution) to finding god (if he wanted you to find him, don’t you think he or she could make that happen?).

Better Resolution: Don’t perpetuate any of that Internet drivel that tells you you’ll have 17 years of bad luck if you don’t pass it along in the next 15 minutes to your 50 closest friends.

Hope this helps, you’ll thank me in February.  Happy Same Old Year.  The reality is we like you just the way you are.  OK, we’d like to see a few changes, but that ain’t gonna happen.

NEW YEAR’S: THE TRIUMPH OF HOPE OVER EXPERIENCE

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

2011 was not a good year in our household.  This year some health issues, the death of a friend and the roller coaster stock market caught up with us.  And yet, here I sit on New Year’s Eve, convinced that 2012 is going to be a GREAT year.  I’ve polled a few of my friends and their sentiment is exactly the same – they all are looking forward to 2012 with great optimism and hope.

What is it about human nature that we completely suspend reality at the beginning of each year?  We forget that life’s road is bumpy and that each year brings some amount of problems and worries.  We forget that at our age, every doctor’s appointment holds the possibility of being a life-altering event.  And we forget that the world around us (especially in an election year) can be a very hard place to find comfort and joy.

We look at January 1 as a fresh beginning, the slate wiped clean of any problems, and only great possibilities spread out before us in the coming 12 months.  Granted, for those who face overwhelming health or personal issues this may not hold true, but most of us are in complete denial about potential pitfalls in the coming year.

Today we believe that all things are possible.  Today we believe that the new year will bring us contentment, good times and we will finally be able to discard our “fat clothes”.

So here’s to a wonderful 2012 to us all.  May your year be filled with good health and good times.  Happy New Year!!!!