<

Bolsheviks, Brats, Bowls and Books

Headlines: In Russia, You’re Free to Vote For The Only Person on the Ballot

After 12 years of Putin the Russian people are saying

The Prime Minister should be all done.

But it’s hard to elect someone new to the office

When only Kremlin-approved parties can run.

Money: Got Some Ungrateful Rug Rats This Christmas?

If your kids were not happy with their Christmas this year

And they think money still grows on trees,

You can tell them that you’ll fill their stocking again,

But you’ll charge them a re-stocking fee.

Sports: Bowled Over

The Poinsettia, the Little Caesar the Belk and the Pinstripe,

The Fiesta, the Music City, the Sun and the Insight.

The Potato, the Liberty, the Fight Hunger, the Alamo,

The Sugar, the Rose, the Outback the New Mexico.

Life: Tired of Bowls?  Try One of These Top Books

The Leftovers, Bossypants, Death Comes to Pemberly,

In The Garden of Beasts, Catherine the Great, 11/22/63.

Last Man in Tower and Just My Type,

To Be Sung Underwater and A Stolen Life.

May Your 2012 Be Happy & Healthy

Bob & Suzanne

IS IT OVER YET?

Headlines:  Peace and Joy went AWOL this year.

Christmas has come and gone and for us it was terrific,

But the news from other places was tragic and horrific.

Shootings, stabbings, fires … ‘twas the worst Christmas ever for some,

If this trend persists we’ll need a LOT more buttered rum.

Money:  I hope they don’t run out of those lovely Christmas sweaters.

After-Christmas shoppers have started snapping up the sales,

“Maniac Monday” deals brought shopping to a whole new scale.

To sweaters, coats and jackets the bargain hunters were swarming,

They’d better hope that Gore was wrong about all that global warming.

Sports:  Yeah, but did he get a Nutrisystem deal?

Drew Brees surpassed Marino as the passing title champ,

Kobe’s losing games ‘cause his wife’s left him cold and damp.

The bowl games are beginning so this week we’ll be affixed,

To our sofas with some beer, Doritos and Chex Mix.

Life:  We think God would understand.

Maria Shriver is considering taking Arnold back,

Says her religion commands that she should not give him the sack.

Let’s see….serial cheating and fathering another woman’s son?

We think that would even put the Virgin Mary on the run.

Why not start the New Year with a redposey toast?

Visit www.redposey.com

Is Santa Claus Coming To Town?

If you haven’t read my sister’s post from Tuesday, you should; it captures the spirit of the season.  This post is more reflective of someone who’s been drinking the spirits of the season.  But the humor is a gift, as Suzanne mentioned, from our father, who always had a twinkle in his eye and something good to say about everyone.

By Bob Sparrow

The following questions about Christmas carols came into our mail bag this week and I thought I should share some of our answers with our readers.

Will I have a White Christmas?  No, it’s now politically incorrect to have a Christmas of white, black, brown, yellow, red or any other color attributed to human flesh.

Who wrote:

     Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow – Sammy Cahn wrote it as he boarded a plane in New York headed for Palm Springs.

     All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth – The first goalie for the New York Rangers

Did Santa really kiss mommy under the mistletoe last night?  Apparently there’s been something going on between Mommy and Santa for some time; do you wonder why at 9 years old you are over-weight and have a white beard?

What’s the meaning of Fa La La La La La La La La in Deck the Halls?  There’s an interesting history to this song, the Halls and their neighbors, the Kragmeyers were like the Hatfields and McCoys, always fighting.  The Kragmeyers actually created a disparaging song about the Halls that was filled with profanity; they sang it every Christmas with the intent of decking the Halls in a fight.  The music was so beautiful the song endured, but the ‘Fa La La’s’ were substituted for the original lyrics that would make a sailor blush.  That should put a smile on your face the next time you sing it.

How’s Grandma?  After being run over by reindeer several years back, she’s now up and around and feeling a little better since winning the reckless driving suit against Santa that paid her $3.4 million plus attorney’s fees.  She now resides in Palm Beach, Florida.

Did all the other reindeer really laugh and call Rudolph names until one foggy Christmas eve when he guided Santa’s sleigh with his bright red nose?  Really?

In the song, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, what do the lyrics ‘Christmas eve will find me where the love light gleams’ mean?   The reality is, it’s hardly a comforting song; the man singing it is in New Orleans at a business convention and away from his wife on Christmas eve, so tells her not to worry he’ll be in the red light district, where the ‘love light’ gleams, while she’s at home trying to explain to the kids exactly why daddy’s not home for Christmas.

Say, what was all the laughing about on that one-horse open sleigh?  The sleigh riders had actually stolen the sleigh and were having a hardy prankster’s laugh.  The truth is, however, they didn’t laugh all the way, the horse developed gas about midway through the trip and in an open sleigh that’s no laughing matter.

 What exactly where the 10 Lords-a-Leaping leaping about?  Have you seen how tight their leotards are?  They’re like a cheap hotel, no ballroom.  As long as that song is, you’d be leaping too if you had to wear tights through the whole thing.

Does Santa really have a list?  No, this veiled threat evolved from a misinterpretation of the original song; the actual lyrics made reference to Santa’s speech impediment saying, ‘He’s making a lisp’.

Is Santa Claus coming to town?  No, if you’d read my sister’s piece on this blog earlier in the week, you’d know that Santa never left town.

Thank you for following our blog

Have a great holiday season and a healthy and happy 2012

YOU’RE A SAD ONE, MRS. GRINCH

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Much has been made in the press about the second grade teacher in upstate New York that told her class that there was no Santa Claus.  Apparently people are so angry that she is receiving threats.  As boneheaded as her move was, I don’t feel angry with this teacher; I feel sorry for her.  She obviously lives in a very exacting world, where Christmas is cut and dried and allows no room for the magic that occurs each year.  Of course there is a Santa Claus!  Some may call it “Christmas spirit” but each year – if we’re lucky – it enriches our lives.

Christmas is a sentimental time and like many people I’ve been reflecting about Christmases past the last few days.   I was fortunate to grow up (and still be) in a wonderful family that more than gets along … my brothers and I actually like being together.  At our house, we had LOTS of magical Christmases.  Our dad was a warm, wonderful, funny person who was in his element at Christmas with his bow tie that looked like holly and his infectious laugh.  In later years we also came to appreciate the gin ice cream fizzes that he fixed every Christmas morning!  I miss him especially at Christmas but know that his spirit lives on whenever our family gathers together.

As I’ve grown older I’ve found magic in finding the perfect gift for my husband or kids and watching their faces light up when they open it.  And just the other day I found it while making Christmas cookies for our grandsons.    It is there for all of us, usually in the small moments and memories, and makes each Christmas a time of appreciation of those we hold close.

I wish that teacher had received my friend Cheryl Ortenburger’s  Christmas letter this year, for she captured the essence of Santa perfectly in the following paragraph:

I believe that Santa Claus not only represents innocence, but is the embodiment of hopes and dreams.  He is the epitome of selfless giving.   Who does not want to personify that selfless image and be a part of making someone’s wishes comes true?  Of course, we all do!  Hence the race with the calendar and our yeoman’s efforts to find THE gift that will bring a smile to that special someone’s face.  We do this in the name of Hanukah, or Christmas, or Santa, or whatever the cultural or religious motivation.  I think Santa brings out the best in us, draws us together, and unites us in spirit.  Kids all over the world know who Santa is and excitedly await his arrival.  Although Santa has been accused of being a little commercial at times, who can help but love the jolly old elf, with the twinkle in his eye, and corncob pipe?  I think Santa represents the best part of us.  However we chose to celebrate, let’s follow the example of Santa and find the best in ourselves and see the best in others.  

I wish all of our readers a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and a joyous 2012.  And mostly, I hope no one dares to tell you that there is no Santa Claus.

 

 Morning News in Verse, Christmas 1971

What Would Happen If Our Government Shut Down?

Headlines:

Our Congress stared across the aisle to see if the other side blinked;

To them it’s fun and games to take our budget to the brink.

To be honest if they failed the vote, our government would be fine,

As far as we can tell it’s been shut down for quite some time.

 Money: Merry Christma$

‘Black Friday’ is the day when bargains can be found

And if you miss them then, ‘Cyber Monday’ rolls around.

We’ve somehow lost the meaning of peace, love and good will

Perhaps because the Christmas spirit can’t put money in the till.

 Sports: Dope-On-A-Rope

Why didn’t Jerry Sandusky say it in the beginning?

If he had, the jury of public opinion surely he’d be winning.

He and his attorney have flatly said the showers with pre-teens

Were just to help to teach the boys some fundamental hygiene.

 Life: Silence is Golden . . . Globe

This year a silent movie has caused a big sensation;

The Artist has just grabbed six Golden Globe nominations.

The lesson to be learned, instead of wallowing in the smut,

Is Hollywood would be better off keeping its mouth shut.

Redposey is never having to say you’re sorry

We’ll say it for you!

www.redposey.com

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF AN AK-47, PRAYER OR A HOT WOMAN

Headlines:  Do they settle the election with a jump ball?

Mikhail Prokhorov, the Nets’ owner, wants to be the Russian prez,

He will face Putin and won’t be scared, or at least that’s what he says.

He acknowledged that even he isn’t safe from gulag prison stays,

At least his players can advise him on  surviving jailhouse days.

Money:  Perhaps people DO have too much discretionary income.

The retailers are weighing in on what’s selling this holiday,

Lego, Barbie and Elmo are apparently here to stay.

Lingerie sales are way up and there’s a new product for those who dare,

You can impress your friends and family with a bra worn as outerwear.

Sports:  I wouldn’t bet against him.

The Global Language Monitor has issued a decree,

From now on it will be “Tebowing” when a player takes a knee.

Much has been made of Tim’s actions but after Sunday’s big comeback,

Maybe we ought to just shut-up and give the guy some slack.

Life:  The trifecta.

Jen Aniston has been named the “Hottest Woman of All Time”,

At 42 years old she is smart and in her prime.

All three Kardashian sisters made the covers of the trashy mags,

Is it too early to declare them the “All Time Most Likely to Make You Gag”?

What better stocking stuffer than a redposey?

Visit www.redposey.com!

Fast and Curious

Headlines: I Thought You Were Watching The Guns!

Of a recent government gun bust we became so very curious;

About an arms tracking tactic by the name of Fast and Furious.

The tactic was designed to find the leaders and the funds,

But somewhere in the process our agents lost 2,000 guns.

 Money: Anyone Seen My Keys and Glasses?

MF Global CEO, ex-Senator Jon Corzine

Is the subject of a scandal and is being much maligned

For a simple senior moment with regard to farmer’s millions;

It seems he can’t recall where he left one point two billion.

 Sports: You Can’t Buy A World Series on eBay

Albert Pujols, CJ Wilson will now wear Angel red,

  This historic trade in baseball was finally put to bed.

Angel fans should not forget the New York Yankee curse,

Just because you pay the most won’t mean you’ll come in first.

 Life: Do They Know Who I Am?

Hothead Alec Baldwin was thrown off an airplane just this week

When he refused to close his phone and continued with his tweet.

“I was singled out”, the disgruntled actor said.

Perhaps he really has 30 Rocks in his head.

You’ve thought about it, why not try it?

www.redposey.com

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR

Headlines:  A nod from Tiger could be next. 

Newt Gingrich leads the polls so now he’ll meet with Trump,

And hope that his endorsement will put him over the hump.

Herman Cain’s endorsing Newt, but if we could be so rash,

That will make the women’s vote most likely burn and crash.

Money:  No use crying over spilt Euros.

The Italian finance minister broke down and cried today,

As she announced that many social perks were going to go away.

She said that working people had no more money to bestow,

A sentiment we hope foreshadows how the U.S. is going to go.

Sports:  This bowl proud to be sponsored by Sani-Flush. 

Well, LSU and Alabama will play the title game re-match,

While other games seem destined for a considerable mismatch.

You know there are too many bowls when the committees find a reason,

To select a team to play that has had a losing season.

Life:  Oh, what we wouldn’t give for a blanket and a piano. 

The onslaught has begun, Christmas shows are all the rage,

Entertainers from Cyrus to Buble are taking to the stage.

Barbara Walters, Grinch and Rudolph will also appear on the TV,

But nothing beats the vision of Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree.

A redposey is never out of season.

Visit www.redposey.com to order one now.

Affairs to Forget

Headlines: Is Cain Able to Handle Situation Gingerly?

Herman Cain provides the fodder for his political foes,

When he sits down with his wife this week to see just what she knows

About friend Ginger White with whom he just had friendly connections,

And he’s hoping to avoid the subject of presidential erections.

 Money: Just What We Need, Another Stock that Isn’t Worth Anything 

Just in time for Christmas you can buy some Packers stock,

So you can put a Cheese Head in that special person’s sock.

But investors should be wary as there’s something to be learned;

The stock, while it brings ownership will bring no monetary return.

 Sports: Keep Manning Manning the Sidelines

Payton Manning’s neck is healing the doctor said this week,

But his comeback for this season still is looking bleak.

We know that he’s a winner, but it cannot be his dream

To stand behind the offensive line of his winless Indy team.

Life: Barbara Wawa Holds A Mirror Up To Our Culture and It Isn’t Pretty

It’s Barbara Walter’s Special night we hope you won’t be late,

She tells us who we really like and who can fascinate.

The Kardashians and Trump are among those who she’ll fete

All in all it sounds like something that we’d just as soon forget.

 Put a tribute in someone’s sock this year

Go to www.redposey.com

ONE DOWN … 434 TO GO.

Headlines:  How can you extort money?  Let me count the ways.

Barney Frank is retiring after three decades in his seat,

Because of the redistricting he thinks he’d go down in defeat.

We’re glad that once he’s gone we’ll no longer get the shaft,

‘Cause he’ll no longer have access to Fannie Mae and graft.

Money:  I still have checks so I must still have money.

Black Friday, Cyber Monday…we’re just so confused,

We can’t even remember which credit card we used.

We got some awesome pricing on deals that can’t be beat,

I’m sure my Uncle Jack will love the canned unicorn meat.

Sports:  Tommy Trojan put down due to fatigue.

Rick Neuheisel was fired after four years on the job,

Losing 50-0 to their rival angered the Bruin alumni mob.

On the plus side, Urban Meyer was picked up at Ohio State,

Hopefully he’ll avoid ol’ Jim Tressel’s fate.

Life:   A little education could have gone a loooong way.

Miley Cyrus has a new video and a protest song’s the lead,

Lauding the “Occupiers” and denouncing corporate greed.

Gee, if we recall correctly, (and I think we do),

It was mean old Disney Corp. that made her dreams come true.

Oh the weather outside is frightening….so why not cheer it up with a redposey?

www.redposey.com