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I’m Not Making This Stuff Up!

by Bob Sparrow

turkey-hat

Who wouldn’t look good in this?

Some of you may remember that last year around this time, I posted a blog entitled ‘Gift dog-go-proIdeas for Those Who Have Everything’.  It was one of our least read blogs, but I did hear from readers who found it helpful, not for finding things they would really give to someone, but for putting into perspective the things they actually bought. “Hey, that laundry soap on a rope wasn’t as stupid as that yodeling pickle!” So, here I am again this year, with another selfless act of providing you with great ideas for gifts for that person who may not have everything, but you can be sure they don’t have any of these!

Doggie Go Pro – Tired of a bird’s eye view? Get a dog’s-eye view with this ‘fetch mount’ camera.  Shouldn’t your dog be able to capture his adventures on film?  Only $399.99 – film not included.

coffe-mug-hoopYour Cup of Joe – You coffee lovers who didn’t jump on the coffee mug in the shape of a vodka-mugtoilet bowl last year, probably won’t jump on this coffee mug in the shape of a basketball, complete with hoop and ready for dunking marshmallows.  Or you may want to just be honest and get the ‘There’s A Chance That This Could Be Vodka’ mug

What could be more romantic than snuggling up with that special someone withsabutt_2_thumbnail your own Santa Farting Butt pillow.  Aside from the Santa beer fart smell, it comes in various holiday fragrances, my favorite is reindeer breath.

ashtrayTrying to get that special someone to stop smoking? Here’s the perfect gift, the ‘Black Lungs Ashtray – the more you smoke, the blacker it gets.

The Faux Tummy Stuffer – we all over-indulge during the holidays, what with all the cookies, candy and booze laying around.   It’s hard not to become an alcoholic or chocoholic at this time of year; so when people comment, “Say, that extra weight really looks good on you.”, you can surprise them by revealing the Tummy Stuffer that makes you look fat, which takes their attention away from how really fat you are.

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Hillary Nutcracker – no comment

spray-timeTime in a Can – Is that special someone tired of the convenience of a wristwatch, but wants to know the time?  Here’s your solution; just carry around this ‘Time Spray Can’ and you can spray the time on anything. Now that’s convenience!

You’re welcome!  You’ve still got a few more shopping days left!

S.P.  Suzanne and I wish you and your family the very Merriest of Christmases

 

THE CHRISTMAS CARD DILEMMA

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

christmas-cardI love everything about Christmas – the decorations, the tree, the festive spirit that seems to permeate the air.  Of course, all that egg nog and hot buttered rum helps.  The only Grinch to my Christmas spirit is the dreaded Christmas cards.  Don’t get me wrong, I love to receive them, I just hate sending them.  So while our house is now ready for Christmas (my husband has opined that it looks like an elf vomited in here), I have put off my decision on cards until this week – do I send some out or just forget the whole thing?  Christmas cards just seem so 80’s to me – the 1880’s, which is when Christmas cards became popular in America.  The sending of cards is reminiscent of a time before the internet, when you didn’t hear from people except for the annual Christmas card.  Social media and email have completely changed that; today I can tell you what my friend down in Texas had for breakfast because she posted it on Facebook.   I know of every birth, death, marriage, divorce and trip to the mall.  So I don’t really need to get a Christmas card or worse yet, a Christmas letter, to know what my friends have been up to.  I know what my friends are doing right down to their scrambled eggs.

My Christmas cards seems to fall into four major categories.  First are the corporate cards.  You know, the ones from the banker or  insurance agent.  The first card we received this year was from our attorney, which seems only fitting since we bared our souls to him a few months ago while drawing up new life and death documents.  I don’t know whether he’s sending genuine greetings or he’s just checking to see whether the card gets returned and he needs to start filing paperwork.  The second category are from distant friends – people that we don’t see all year long but somehow the need arises to wish each other the very best for the holiday season.  Mostly they are old neighbors or workmates I couldn’t pick out in a crowd.  Am I morally obligated to continue this exchange of well-wishes?  The third group are the true friends – some of whom we see or keep in touch with all year long.  Heck, some of us are golf partners or good friends with whom we socialize every week.  We will be wishing holiday greetings in person, some of them several times.  Do we really need to send cards too?

christmas-letter

The last category is the Christmas letter.  There are some that are really well done.  Some.  But most seem to have turned the Christmas tradition of wishing others a happy season to one giant “let’s talk about me” exercise. Generally, people just don’t know where to stop.  Johnny got into Harvard?  Great.  Snookie was elected president of her third grade class?  Good for her!  But too often it goes into such minutia that it borders on the ridiculous.  My parents used to receive one that was so full of trivia and self-aggrandizement that our mom used to wait until we were all gathered on Christmas Eve so that one of us kids (by this time adults and full of “cheer”) could read it in dramatic fashion, everyone breaking into gales of laughter.  Each year my husband and I receive one from one of his former co-workers that last year had me going from the start.  In addition to a litany of the various trips taken, there was a review of golf handicaps (they went down, of course), a tabulation of their granddaughter’s Girl Scout cookie sales and the net worth of the company that their son-in-law went to work for, along with its employee count and various office locations.  Seriously.  As they’re writing this tome do they really think anyone cares about the headcount in Poughkeepsie?

christmas-ornamentPerhaps the best take on Christmas cards was from a friend of our parents back in the 60’s.  They kept every card they received the previous year.  Then they re-addressed it to the sender inserting a note that read “We liked your Christmas card so much last year that we have decided to give you the pleasure of seeing it again this year.  So, we’re sending it back to you.”  Now that is clever.  And it beats using old cards to make ornaments.  As for all the Christmas letters?  They could be shredded into bird cage liner and the circle would be closed.

So, here I sit in mid-December still trying to weigh the pros and cons of sending cards.  Mailing cards has become exponentially easier with the advent of computer-generated mailing labels so I don’t have that arthritic wrist to provide an excuse anymore.  And since I do like to see photos of people’s kids, grandkids and dogs I feel like I need to somehow reciprocate.  After all, who am I to deny the world of one more cute picture of Dash the Wonder Dog at Christmas?

 

 

 

“This is the Place”

by Bob Sparrow

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SLC and the Wasatch Mountain Range

That’s what Brigham Young said in 1847 after a long overland trek from Illinois, when standing at the mouth of Emigration Canyon on the east bench of the Wasatch Mountain Range looking over what is now the Salt Lake Valley. It was there that their journey would end and where the Mormon religion would call home as they committed to “make the desert blossom like a rose”. It is said that there was only one tree in the valley at that time, now there are over one million trees and lots of roses.

 

I was first introduced to Utah in 1964 when visiting the campus of the University of Utah on a football recruiting trip. I was immediately taken by the beauty and majesty of the surrounding mountains. It was January and a blanket of snow covered the Wasatch Range as well as the wide boulevards of Salt Lake City. It was a spectacular winter wonderland, especially for a young man who was born and raised in California.

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Tuscany entrance

In recent years Linda and I as well as brother, Jack and wife, Sharon have tried to get back to a Utah football game each season. This year we were joined by Mark & Kathy Johnson for the Utah-Oregon game. The Johnsons had an additional incentive to go to Utah as Mark’s parents and a brother live there.  For the last seven years we have always had our ‘pre-game Friday night meal’ at a wonderful restaurant in Holladay, a southern suburb of Salt Lake, called Tuscany. It is nestled among cottonwood and box elder trees making it barely visible from the street and has a ‘cozy old world’ feel inside. On this Friday night we had one of the owners of the restaurant, Mark Eaton, eating at the table next to us. He was a professional basketball player for the Utah Jazz and is hard to miss at 7’4”. At 59 years old, he looked like he could still play. Delightful dinner, the pork chop is to die for!

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Rice-Eccles Stadium

The game was at noon on a clear, crisp Saturday, which kept us from using the day to stop by the campus of my son Jeff’s and my alma mater, Westminster College. But it did not keep us from heading to the tailgate party across from the stadium where Jeff had alerted a Utah alum friend that we would be there and so we were invited to their tailgate party, which was no small bash! With no professional football team within 500 miles, Salt Lake is a college football town, which was easily seen by the throngs of supporters wearing red and pouring into a sold out stadium. Rice-Eccles Stadium was brought up to its current state-of-the-art condition when Salt Lake hosted the 2002 Winter Olympics. The football game itself? I suppose it was exciting, but not a good exciting, as Oregon scored the go-ahead touchdown with 2 seconds left in the game to win 30-28.

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Tailgaters

Our ‘consolation dinner’ that night was down town at the Market Street Grill, which was just a couple of blocks from our City Center Marriott hotel. We were directed to the Main Street Grill by dear friend and neighbor, Marge Dunn, whose niece, Sarah works there. We had a delicious dinner and were able to talk with Sarah, who was bartending this night.

In spite of the Utah heart-breaking loss, which kept them from playing for the Pac-12 South championship the following week, the visit was invigorating. The weather was truly ‘fall-like’, which we don’t get much of in Southern California and Salt Lake has to be one of the cleanest and safest cities in the country. If you’ve never been there, put it on your bucket list, you won’t regret it . . . and don’t forget to have dinner at Tuscany.

 

 

 

GROUCHO MARX MAY BE RIGHT

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Thanksgiving

I’m betting they didn’t have Jell-o salad

Well, here we are, launched into the holiday season.  “Holiday season” being a euphemism for “gain five pounds”.  Like most people, I consumed more food than normal last week, further endangering my cholesterol numbers.   I dove into mashed potatoes, gravy, pies and whipped cream like I was going to “the chair”.   In my food stupor I also gave some thought to the original Thanksgiving – the one where people actually got along and shared stuff.  Can you imagine?  The Pilgrims have been on my mind lately because earlier this year I applied for membership in the General Society of Mayflower Descendants.  To say that the requirements for entry are stiff is an understatement.  These people take their mission seriously; one can imagine hunched-over researchers with green eyeshades taking delight in stamping “Reject!” on the hundreds of applications they receive.  Actually, there is ONE man who is the gatekeeper to the organization – it is he alone who makes the decision as to whether your documentation is up to snuff.

I’ll spare you the details but let’s just say this research is not for the faint of heart.  One must provide birth, marriage and death certificates for every person in the descendant line, including spouses who aren’t even a blood relation to the original Mayflower passenger.  I don’t know about you but I can’t even find my own marriage license.   I asked myself several times during the research and collection phase of this process why I was going through this effort.  I’m not sure I ever satisfied myself with a great answer except that I am a history buff.  I love not only the facts and figures but the people who lived before us and shaped our world.  No detail is too small.  I am the type of person who goes through the National Gallery, looking at the portraits wondering what the subject had for breakfast that morning.  In the case of the Mayflower passengers I have also been looking for any hints of DNA that might have trickled down to our generation and I have been pleasantly surprised to find some similarities.

The very serious William Brewster

The very serious William Brewster

John Alden, for example, was our forefather and was a “cooper” – or barrel maker – in England before setting sail.  I immediately saw a connection; our brother Jack works for Fess Parker Winery and has great knowledge about barrel-making, not to mention his excellent ability to consume their contents.  We are also related to the Elder William Brewster, the religious leader of the Plymouth Colony.  No relatives I know of inherited his pious devotion, but prior to becoming an elder he worked as a postmaster and an English teacher.  Brother Bob also worked for the post office during college and then taught high school English upon graduation.  Finally, Priscilla Mullins (who later married Alden), was the spinner and weaver for the colony.  And anyone who has seen my vast collection of yarn or knows me as president of the local knitting guild would see an immediate link.  So who knows?  Maybe there are some genetic traits that filter down.  So far I haven’t found any horse thieves  but we are descended from several rabble rousers and a heretic burned at the Salem witch trials.  Anyone who knows my brothers or me would testify that that apple didn’t fall too far from that tree either.

It’s also been interesting to see which famous people are related to Mayflower passengers and, by extension, us.  John Adams, Dan Quayle and Marilyn Monroe are also related to John Alden.  I’m not sure about John or Dan, but I know I’m related to Marilyn because, as my brother can confirm, every year on his birthday I do my best Marilyn Monroe to Jack Kennedy version of the “Happy Birthday” song.  William Brewster’s descendants include Bing Crosby, Cokie Roberts and Julia Child.  I’m questioning my relation to Julia – I think the gene pool mutated somewhere between her and me.  But I can carry a tune and I love history so I figure two out of three isn’t bad.

mayflower-descendants

As I say, it’s a long and laborious process.  I submitted my application on June 1 and I have yet to hear the status of it.  I’m hoping that I catch the man who is the arbiter of all things Mayflower in a good mood the day he reviews it.  Otherwise I may have to adopt Grocho Marx’s philosophy – “I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would accept me as a member”.

 

That Day in Dallas

by Bob Sparrow

kennedy-in-carI had the pleasure a couple of weeks ago of attending the wedding of Reid Hendrix in Dallas, Texas; Reid is the son of good friends and former ‘hood residents, Cap & Sharon Hendrix, but no relation to Jimmy Hendrix. It is hard to mention the city of Dallas to people of my generation and not have them think of the Kennedy assassination. It was 53 years ago this week when we all not only remember the date of November 22, 1963, but we all know exactly where we were and what we were doing when we heard the news – “President Kennedy has been shot”. Our generation saw Kennedy as a young, energetic, charismatic leader; who we were less concerned about his politics and policies than we were about the goings-on of Jack and Jackie in ‘Camelot’.

That day in Dallas was an historic day in many ways. To me ‘the 50s’ started in 1954 when Bill Haley and the Comets released Rock Around the Clock and ended with the Kennedy assassination. The age of innocence was gone as it was less than three months later when the Beatles made their first appearance in the United States and the psychedelic 60’s were underway.

book-depository

6th Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza

Although I have traveled to Dallas many times on business, I have never visited the site of the Kennedy assassination, the Texas School Book Depository, or as my colleagues called it, the Book Suppository (Ouch!), maybe that’s part of the reason it’s been renamed the Six Floor Museum at Dealey Plaza. Regardless of the name, they’ve done a great job of telling the complete, albeit controversial, story of the assassination and the strange series of events that followed. The self-guided tour through the museum exposes you to historic films, photographs, artifacts and interpretive displays that document the events surrounding the assassination. The museum presents the background of Lee Harvey Oswald and what might have been his motivation to shoot Kennedy, the story of Jack Ruby, who shot Oswald two days after Oswald shot Kennedy, and the Warren Commission’s report that unconvincingly concluded that Oswald acted alone.  It is a conspiracy theorist’s paradise.

The highlight of the tour for me was standing by the window on the 6th floor next to the site from where the gunshots came (one can not stand exactly where Oswald was as it is surrounded with Plexiglas). While standing there, one can see a video simulation of the Kennedy convertible turning the corner and coming right toward Oswald (presenting him with what seemed to be a much better target than the car later offered), then taking a left turn on Elm Street (Elm Street?!) where after Kennedy’s convertible moved laterally away from Oswald’s perch until it was about 100 yards away, at which time the shots were fired from the rear.

grassyknoll

 Me searching the ‘grassy knoll’

What about the ‘second gunman behind the grassy knoll’ you say? As you can see by the photo, I examined it quite thoroughly and came away more confused than I was back in the 60s. There’s a lot of stuff that just doesn’t add up. To wit:

  • Oswald was not a particularly good marksman
  • The alleged weapon was an average quality bolt-action rifle, meaning one would have to manually discharge the spent shell and move a live shell into the firing chamber, which makes firing 3 or 4 bullets (they’re not exactly sure) accurately in just a few seconds very difficult
  • Critical documents were withheld from the Warren Commission and they ignored some of the testimony and some of the evidence was tampered with
  • Certain film and photographs of the assassination were confiscated

And to me the most interesting controversy revolved around the ‘Magic Bullet Theory’, which goes as follows: Allegedly one bullet passed through President Kennedy’s neck and Governor Connally’s chest and wrist and embedded itself in the Governor’s thigh. If so, this bullet traversed 15 layers of clothing, 7 layers of skin, and approximately 15 inches of tissue, struck a necktie knot, removed 4 inches of rib, and shattered a radius bone. A magic bullet indeed!

While the tour told an interesting and detailed story, I came away disturbed, disturbed that we still don’t know all thewho-killed facts of what really happened that day, and why. Viable cases have been made for various murder suspects, including Vice President Lyndon Johnson, the CIA, the KGB, Fidel Castro, a Secret Service agent and the mafia, just to name a few!

A lot stuff just doesn’t add up.  So if our government didn’t give us the real scoop on this, I’m going to look into that so-called moon landing we did back in 1969 and perhaps start searching for Elvis, who may still be alive.

 

 

 

 

DASH, THE CANINE BOB HOPE

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

dash-croppedWell…it’s been quite a week.  I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to discuss something – anything – other than the election.  Luckily, there are two events that have my attention – Veteran’s Day and Dash the Wonder Dog’s fourth birthday.  On the surface there wouldn’t seem to be any connection between those two events but this week I discovered that my beloved pet is the Bob Hope of dogs, ready to entertain the troops at a moment’s notice.  As you may recall, Dash began his working life last spring when he got a job at a local care center.  Each week he trots into the facility like he owns the joint and cuddles up with the residents.  He shamelessly begs for treats, which many of them readily provide.  He is especially fond of people who have poor hand-eye coordination because the floor around their bed or wheelchair is a veritable treasure trove of crumbs and shattered crackers.  Fortunately for Dash, such people are in plentiful supply, plus they have the added attraction of fawning over him as he roots around for their droppings.

pets-on-wheels

This week Dash was lucky enough to call on several men who were celebrating Veteran’s Day.  Most of them are former dog owners so they especially appreciate being able to pet and hold Dash.  I have observed that most of the veterans’ walls are adorned with photos of themselves in uniform, American flags, and commemorative awards and medals.  This week the center gave them special recognition at a Veteran’s Day celebration, replete with music from the ’40’s and a special memento plaque.  One of my favorite veterans is a 97-year-old man whose mental acuity puts me to shame.  The first time we visited I remarked on a photo of him in a WWII fighter plane.  “Oh yes”, he said, “I was 19 years old when I enlisted.  It was a good time to be 19 because I was too young to have the good sense to be scared“.  That said, he wheeled around and pulled a sheet of paper out of his drawer.  On it was a typed list of the FIFTY missions that he flew in Europe.  That is an extraordinary number of missions – the maximum allowed by the Air Force at the time.  He is still quite proud of his accomplishment, as well he should be.  Last week I noticed that he had the book “Killing the Rising Sun” on his bed.  There is a picture of General MacArthur on the cover so I mentioned to him that my husband and his family were rescued from a Japanese internment camp by Mac Arthur.  “Humph,” he said, “I think there’s only one word for MacArthur – pompous!”.  As I said, he’s as sharp as a tack.   We discovered last summer that this wonderful man and I share a birthday.  I can only hope that portends I will be as engaged and dynamic as he is at 97.

wwii-womenAlso residing in the care center is a retired four-star general and a man who fought in the Battle of the Bulge.  I love talking with these men, not only because they love being entertained by Dash, but because I have such unbridled admiration for their service and frankly, the dedication of their entire generation.  I read just enough sociology books to be boring at parties, and one recent phenomenon that worries me is the rise of the “cupcake” or “snowflake” generation – young people who are easily offended, shrink away from any opinion that differs from their own, and seek the constant reassurance of hearing “good job”.   I think about the “Greatest Generation” by comparison, whose work ethic and approach to life was forged by the Great Depression and World War II.  Most, like my own parents, didn’t have the money for college.  Their families “made do” during the Depression and when war broke out they volunteered and did whatever they could to contribute to the war effort.  That generation knew a lot of sacrifice and hard work.  They didn’t expect anything to be handed to them and learned how to face adversity with renewed resolve.  The World War II vets are dying at a rate of 1100 a day, and it is estimated that by the end of the decade almost all of them will all be gone.  We will be the worse for it.  So it was a privilege this week to wish the men in the care center a happy Veteran’s Day – we need to cherish them while we still have them.

As for Dash – we will celebrate his special day on Wednesday with treats and – if my husband isn’t looking – a cute little birthday hat.  I can’t believe how quickly the past four years have passed.  Our lives are forever changed by having this sweet and loving dog in our lives.  He makes us smile every day and his kisses, which he so lavishly dispenses, act as a salve to mend any cracks  in our hearts.  I have to say he really is a wonder dog.  Last week a nurse at the care center asked us to visit a new patient in the memory unit.  Dash crawled up on her bed and she stroked and cooed for five minutes.  When we left the nurse said it was the first time in three days that the woman had smiled.  In short, he makes everything – and everyone – better.  Maybe I should send him to Washington.

Make Room Mt. Rushmore?

by Bob Sparrow

rushmore

“My lips are sealed”

This week we will, or already have, decided who will be our next president, or perhaps more accurately, decided who we want to keep from being our next president. In a desperate move to help us all to feel better about our new president-elect, I thought I would look at the ‘character’ of some of our past presidents, who had the huge advantage of not living in this era of ‘social media’ where everyone carries a camera and bad news travels at the warp speed of the Internet.

  • As it turns out our founding fathers weren’t without their flaws, both Washington and Jefferson owned slaves, in fact Jefferson was more than a groper, he fathered six children with slave, Sally Hemings – that would have been a little difficult to keep off the TMZ network today!
  • Lincoln, who is often revered as our best president, seemed to think of himself above the law as he single-handedly suspended habeas corpus (the principle that someone under arrest can’t be held for long without being brought before a judge), shut down opposition newspapers and jailed their editors, conspired to establish a
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    Teddy the Elephant Killer

    military government in Washington DC and used military force to keep the Maryland legislature from meeting so that it couldn’t vote on secession.  I suspect that WikiLeaks would have had a field day with old ‘Honest Abe’.

  • Teddy Roosevelt’s lust was of a different sort, he lusted for war. His imperialism and racism can be summed up with the following quote from him, “All the great masterful races have been fighting races,” he claimed. To fellow Anglo-Saxons, he said, “It is wholly impossible to avoid conflicts with the weaker races,” and added, “The most ultimately righteous of all wars is a war with savages.” I’m guessing that Hitler was a big fan of Teddy.

OK, that takes care of Mt. Rushmore, but there is plenty more . . .

  • Benjamin Franklin was careless with secretive documents that ended up in the hands of the enemy – a British
    fdr

    Lying Franklin

    secret agent. But he swore that those documents only contained information about how he was going to fly a kite to invent electricity and Chelsea’s wedding.

  • Franklin D. Roosevelt was known to lie a lot (What? A politician lying!!!) He was in terrible health, which he kept from the public, he was said to have liked Stalin too much and he had Soviet spies in his cabinet and didn’t really care, family members enriched themselves by his being in office, the New Deal actually slowed the recovery from the Great Depression and, among other things, he was accused of trying to seize control of the Supreme Court. Gosh, he could easily get elected today!
  • The list of sleazy presidents is too long for this blog, but here’s a few of the all-stars:
    • John Tyler – fathered 15 children with two different wives and had several more with his slaves; in November 1836 he became the Whig’s party president ‘erect’.
    • Andrew Jackson invited prostitutes to the White House Christmas party – I’m sure he just wanted to make sure that there were plenty of Ho Ho Hos to go around!
    • clintonlewinski

      Bill & Monica

      While Jack Kennedy and Bill Clinton are considered modern history’s best-know presidential horn-dogs, Lyndon Johnson,  who called his naughty bits ‘Jumbo’, was worse than either of them.  Both Grover Cleveland and Warren Harding were also known to have a number of dalliances while in the ‘oval orifice’.

      kennedy

      Marilyn & Jack

    • It is well known that FDR and Eisenhower (at least while a general in the army if not while president) had mistresses while serving in ‘pubic’ life.

There’s more, lots more, but I think you get the point. So while you may think that we’ve reached new lows with this year’s two candidates, it’s actually just politics as usual, so we’ll be just fine. There now, don’t you feel better? Yeah, me neither!

Even if this didn’t make you feel better, why not SHARE it, maybe it will help a friend with pre or post-election blues.

TRUMPKINS AND OTHER HALLOWEEN HISTORY

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

gotAs if we don’t have enough to worry about right now, I’ve discovered whole websites devoted to “Trumpkins” – pumpkins carved out to look like Trump.  There are also some of Hillary called “Clinkins” but that doesn’t seem to have the same ring.  Frankly, I don’t really know how this whole pumpkin-carving thing started, or even that much about Halloween.  My knowledge on the subject is limited to costumes and Snickers bars.  Lots of Snickers bars.  I’ve been giving Halloween some thought this year because I’ve seen more advertisements for adult costumes and celebrations than ever before.  My assumption was that millennials have popularized the holiday by coming out of their parents’ basements to party with others of their generation.  That young adults have discarded their pajama bottoms in favor of dressing up as Steve Jobs or a Game of Thrones character, and in the process, have stolen Halloween from the kids.  As usual, my assumptions were all wrong.  So I quit looking at all of the Trumpkins on the internet and did a little research.  Turns out that Halloween started as an adult celebration and was then highjacked by kids.  Specifically, the Baby Boomers.  Yes, yet another thing we can chalk up to our overwhelming numbers and our parents desire to make us happy.  But let me start at the beginning.

 

samain

Halloween is thought to have originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, a celebration that took place on November 1, which was the Celtic new year.  People would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off roaming ghosts.   And, knowing my Celtic ancestors, I’m guessing that quite a few of the celebrants were lit too.  By 43 A. D. the Romans had conquered most of the Celtic territory and thus brought their own religious and cultural celebrations to the region, which resulted in a whole lot of observances – Feast Days, All Martyrs Days, All Saint’s Days, Days to Honor the Dead.  You get the idea.  In the eighth century Pope Gregory III, no doubt exhausted from having to oversee so many observances, consolidated the traditional Celtic and Roman holidays to one single day – November 1, known as All Saints Day.  Pope Gregory III knew how to cut through bureaucracy – we could use him around today. In any event, the night before became All Hallows Eve, eventually shortened to Halloween.

Fast forward a few hundred years when Halloween came to America.  It was not a holiday celebrated by the stuffy, dour  New England Protestants (again, our ancestors so I can say that) but caught on with newer immigrants to the southern colonies.  The first celebrations included “play parties,” public events held to celebrate the harvest, where neighbors would share stories of the dead, tell each other’s fortunes, dance and sing. Colonial Halloween festivities also featured the telling of ghost stories and mischief-making of all kinds.  Sounds like they really knew how to par-tay.  In the second half of the 19th century, with the huge influx of immigrants from Ireland, Halloween was introduced to virtually every region of the U.S.  Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today’s “trick-or-treat” tradition.  And thus the tradition continued as a community celebration, primarily for adults, until the latter part of the twentieth century.  In the 1950’s, with so many adorable children bursting on the scene, Halloween was given over to children, with the focus on children’s events at school and calculated forays into neighborhoods where they gave out good (e.g. chocolate) vs. bad (suckers) candy.

pumpkin-dogSo, why are we seeing such an uptick in adult Halloween celebrations?  There are lots of theories and not a lot of definitive answers.  I think it’s mostly because people like to have fun and dressing up on Halloween and partying with friends is a good way to forget that your boss is a jerk and your mother-in-law is coming for Thanksgiving.  Whatever the reason, according to Forbes, Americans now spend $7 BILLION on decorations, costumes, cards, candy and pets.  Yes, pets.  We spend $1.22B on adult costumes, $1.04B on children’s costumes, and more than $370M on doodads for our dogs and cats.  I found that hard to believe but then a quick Google search convinced me that this pet-dressing phenomenon is quite real.  While many of the pictures made me smile (there are definitely pet owners who are spending too much time on Pinterest) I noticed that none of the pets looked too happy garbed up as a fairy princess or bumble bee.  Offhand I’d say that we’d be much better off donating that $370M to animal shelters.  But then again sometimes I’m just a buzzkill.

 

Speaking of which, my brother found an interesting article about the sale of Presidential candidate costumes in an election year.  Turns out that dating back to Richard Nixon’s presidential run, the candidate’s whose Halloween mask sells the most is far more likely to win the election.  This year,  the Trump mask is outselling the Clinton mask by 7%.  I’m not sure that’s really indicative of this year’s election.  I suspect the sales numbers reflect the fact that it’s just more fun to wear a clump of orange hair than a boxy pantsuit.

 

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THE PIMPING OF PINK

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

pink-ribbonsSo…it’s October.  The month of pumpkins, Halloween and the ever-present pink ribbon.  Yes, in case you’ve been in a cave the past few weeks, it’s Breast Cancer Awareness month.  It’s hard not to be aware since the pink ribbon is plastered on everything from lipstick to toilet paper.  I can’t check out at the grocery store or purchase something online without being asked to donate to a breast cancer charity.   I want to say at the outset that I am very much in support of breast cancer education and research.  After all, one of my oldest and best friends has survived a particularly hellish form of the disease thanks to great doctors and innovations in drug therapy.  And maybe that’s at the root of my problem with the “awareness” movement.  Breast cancer now has a high survivability rate, even for cases that were once thought to be a death sentence.  The American Cancer Society now estimates that the five-year survival rate for most breast cancer stages is close to 100%.  That is tremendous progress and can certainly be attributed in part to the pink ribbon campaign of the past 25 years.   But in my opinion, the pink ribbon has been pimped out.

 

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First of all, pink ribbons on products signifies marketing at its best – or worst – luring customers into thinking that the company is donating proceeds to breast cancer research.  In fact, according to the Breast Cancer Awareness organization and a report by the Huffington Post, some major products with pink ribbons on the packaging are there for marketing purposes only. In other words, they put the pink ribbon on their product to get the consumer to assume that some portion of the purchase goes toward breast cancer research.  In reality it’s just there for marketing purposes.  No additional funds go anywhere except the pocket of the corporation.  In doing some research for this piece I was taken aback by some of the major product manufacturers that do this – everything from shoes to food.  The height of irony to me is the sale of wine and liquor glasses with the pink ribbon when, in fact, alcohol consumption can contribute to getting breast cancer in the first place.  Pink ribbon product placement where there is no actual financial contribution to the cause is not illegal as there is no trademark on the pink ribbon.  Which means it can be used, and abused, at will.    Certainly there are many companies that do donate their proceeds to breast cancer charities but my caution is that you research the donation details before you plunk down your hard-earned cash.

 

nflThe other major irony that occurs this month is the NFL’s insistence on showing their “awareness” by players wearing pink shoes, wrist bands, socks and…wait for it…pink ribbons on their helmets.  Hmmmmm….if I recall, October is also Domestic Violence awareness month.  Seems to me that if the NFL wanted to do something favorable towards women this month they might have the players sport the purple Domestic Violence ribbons.  Josh Brown has been the latest player to be charged with abuse but, regretfully, he is far from alone.  Benjamin Morris of the FiveThirtyEight organization crunched federal data to measure the league’s domestic violence arrest rate against the general population of American men ages 25 to 29. He found that domestic violence accounted for a whopping 48 percent of arrests for violent crimes among the football players, compared to 21 percent among non-football players.  Moreover, relative to the income level (top 1 percent) and poverty rate (0 percent) of NFL players, the domestic violence arrest rate is downright extraordinary.  Roger Goodell’s commission, put together in 2014 after the Ray Rice incident, seems to have had little influence thus far – 2015 saw almost a doubling of the domestic violence arrests among NFL players.  And if you think it’s because it’s being reported more, you need to read this Washington Post article from last week that describes the NFL’s “hush hush” policy regarding the abuse of women: https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/2014/10/17/for-battered-nfl-wives-a-message-from-the-cops-and-the-league-keep-quiet/?tid=a_inl&utm_term=.5538aa51ef46.

But the greatest driver of my dislike of the pink ribbon is because it takes the air out of the room for other causes.  After all, breast cancer is NOT the leading cause of death among women – that distinction goes to heart disease.  There is minimal red ribbon activity in February but then it seems to fade into obscurity.  Where is the awareness for lung and colorectal cancers, which both kill more women than breast cancer?  And my personal complaint is the lack of funding for melanoma research.  Five years ago I was diagnosed with melanoma.  In my initial panic I searched the internet for local support and education.  Surely a sunny state like Arizona with a high UV index should be replete with resources.  Nope.  Not a support group in sight.  Not even a lousy walk.  Five years later, I’m doing fine – I just look like a beekeeper every time I’m out in the sun.  But a friend died of melanoma last year and another is fighting it.  So I really hate “pink ribbon” month when I know so many more causes could use the research money.   If nothing else the Melanoma Foundation needs the breast cancer marketing people – their ribbon color is black.

Tahoe Family Tribute

by Bob Sparrow

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Dad’s Martini and Mom’s Gin Ricky

Part of our annual ritual is to bring cocktails to Mom and Dad. The drinks sit on the rock that their ashes surround. The drink on the left is for Dad, a great Martini lover (processed olives compliments of Don Spradling), the drink on the right is for Mom, who loved a Gin Ricky.

Jack and Barbara Sparrow lived in interesting times. They were born at the start of and at the end of WWI respectively, lived through the Roaring 20’s, Prohibition, the Great Depression, World War II, the Korean War, the Psychedelic 60’s, the Viet Nam War, the Gulf War (Gosh we’ve been involved in a lot of wars!), the ‘dot.com’ boom, a new millennium and 17 presidents. They fortunately have not had to endure the election process of our next president! Throughout the majority of their married years, they were a harbinger of future married couples to come, as they both worked outside the home.  When they bought the Novato Advance in 1940 they were the youngest (26 and 21) newspaper publishers in California.  After they sold the paper Dad started his own commercial printing business and Mom became the executive secretary for the superintendent of school.  They were alway very active in a variety of charities in Novato and throughout Marin County – AND they managed scan0105 to raise three pretty good kids, even if I do say so myself. OK, two out of three!

Our annual Tahoe tribute trip in October, which unfortunately Suzanne and Al were unable to make this year due to their travel schedule, is a time to visit North Lake Tahoe when most of the tourists have gone home; it’s a time to revel in the beautiful fall days and cool, crisp evenings and it’s a time to enjoy family in a place that has so much history for us. It is also a time to reflect on our Mom and Dad as we pay tribute to them at their final resting place with such a spectacular view of Lake Tahoe. Dad’s ashes have been there since 2001, Mom joined him in 2014.

 

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The ‘Rat Pack’ at CalNeva

The connection to Lake Tahoe came from Dad’s best friend, Dick Schieck, a life-long bachelor, who adopted our family as his own and who was like a combination of another father and older brother to us. He bought a cabin at the north end of the lake in 1951 for $4,600 that became our primary summer and winter vacation destination for the next 20 years. In the early days the trip from Novato to Lake Tahoe on a two-lane road took about 6 hours, longer if you got behind a P.I.E. truck going over Donner Summit. It was when the gambling resort, CalNeva, where Frank Sinatra was once a part owner, drew the top entertainment in the land. But the classiest place at the north end of the lake was The North Shore Club where Dad and Dick would dress in coat and tie (minimum dress standard; tuxedos were not uncommon) and Mom in a formal cocktail dress on a Saturday night and go there for a night of gambling, dining and dancing to a live band.

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Classic Chris Craft in front of Sunnyside

Our parents introduced us to what is now a trendy destination for haut cuisine and designer martinis, Sunnyside Resort & Restaurant, but was just a house with a liquor store and a bait shop attached to it when we first started going there as kids to fish off the pier with a drop line. We were also introduced to Squaw Valley, when it had only one chair lift, several years before it was the site of the 1960 Winter Olympic. Dad and Dick also introduced us to the best way to get rid of a hangover (a malady we were introduced to later in life) – go jump in that ice-cold lake!

To continue the legacy, over the years we have introduced ‘the Lake’ to our kids and grand kids and I’m sure have bored them with endless stories about ‘the good old days’. The Lake, while a lot more populated, is still beautiful and the memories we have of it going from a remote mountain get-away to the popular summer and winter destination are simply magical. Thank you Mom and Dad . . . and Dick.