WHO ARE ALL THESE PEOPLE?

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Those of us who have lived in Arizona for any length of time have noticed a recent trend – there are a LOT of people moving here.  Usually we have an uptick in population from January through April, as “snowbirds” leave the wintry climes of Chicago and Minneapolis to soak up a little sunshine.  In addition to the weather, we offer exotic car auctions, the Phoenix Open golf tournament, Arabian horse shows and Spring Training games.  So, we’re used to snarled traffic and impossible restaurant reservations during those months.  But this year?  Holy smokes…the traffic congestion started last summer and has only gotten worse.  Trips to the grocery store that used to take 10 minutes now take 15, and once we’re in the store, the line at the bakery now snakes all the way back to the vegetable section, which somehow seems just plain wrong.  In our small community we’ve seen firsthand the effect of the influx.  In the first quarter of 2020 we had 9 home sales; this year we had 9 closings just in the month of January, and 38 total for the quarter.

COVID, of course, accounts for much of the movement into Arizona.  First, many of the recent transplants stated that the lockdown caused them to re-assess their priorities and retire earlier than planned.  Second, once people were able to work from home, they concluded that their home could be anywhere, so why live in an expensive, high-tax state?  According to the University of Arizona’s Eller School of Business, more than 60% of the immigrants to Arizona are coming from California, followed closely by Washington and Illinois.  Notice a trend?  Third, our job market is booming, with many Fortune 500 companies relocating here due to our lower tax rates and abundant workforce. As a consequence of the population boom, housing prices in Arizona have already increased 8% in 2021.  Each Sunday the Arizona Republic newspaper publishes the top five homes sales, based on price.  Up until this year, the most expensive home was usually $2-3 million, with the other four somewhere between $1-1.5 million.  Now, the top five are all $4-5 million.  If you buy a million dollar home you are apparently living somewhere near the poverty line.

The downside of all this, other than the traffic, is that it’s become harder for people to buy entry-level homes and next to impossible to find a rental home.  Affordable apartments are also hard to come by now.  Young couples are moving farther and farther away from metro Phoenix, or moving out of state, in order to afford the lifestyle they assumed they would have in Arizona.  And the housing market is not the only commodity benefiting from recent transplants –  expensive cars are selling like hotcakes.  Someone asked me recently if there had been a fire sale on Bentley’s, because they are now ubiquitous.  One of the luxury car dealers noted that people moving from California can sell their home there, buy a bigger one here, and still have plenty left over for a $200,000 car.

So in an effort to slow the population growth, here is my countervailing list for anyone thinking of moving here:

  • Rattlesnakes – they are everywhere and will spring out at you with little notice.  You will go on walks as if you were traipsing through a minefield.
  • Javelina – perhaps the ugliest animal on Earth, they will not only charge you, they will eat every beautiful bloom on your (expensive) cacti.
  • Coyotes – no, not the hockey team, the real thing.  They are sneaky and plan their attacks in groups.  If you have a small dog you will never be able to let them outside alone again.  Owls also fit into this category.  A neighbor just had their Yorkie picked up by an owl and whisked away.
  • Heat – this is the big one.  Don’t believe it when people say it’s a dry heat.  So is my microwave, but you don’t see me living in it.  In 2020, we had 144 days over 100 degrees.  ONE HUNDRED FORTY-FOUR!  Believe me, it can take the starch right out of you…and anything you’re wearing.

I’m waiting with anticipation to see what the “move out” rate is come summer.  My guess is that a lot of people who found our warm weather so charming in January will head back to wherever they came from by July.  Hopefully by August I’ll be able to wait in line for cake without having to stare at the broccoli.

THE WASTED OPEN

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Last week we hosted over 700,000 people in our neighborhood at the “Greatest Show on Grass”, otherwise known as the Phoenix Open.  Sure, The Waste Management Company is the named sponsor, but even though they’ve paid a lot of money and the tournament moved to Scottsdale 36 years ago, it’s still known to locals as the Phoenix Open. For a long time it was officially the FBR Open but that didn’t stick either. I think Waste Management overlooked the opportunity to call it the “Wasted Open”, which is more reflective of the actual event.  The Phoenix Open is unique on the PGA tour because it is one quarter golf and three quarters party.  Many pro players have refused to play here due to the heckling and the general circus-like atmosphere, but more and more of the younger players revel in the alcoholic ambience.  All I know is every year we rely on the advice we got almost 20 years ago when we moved here: the week of the Open just hunker down and watch it on TV.  The traffic is horrendous and the restaurants are jammed.  That said, the Phoenix Open draws some of the largest crowds of the PGA season.  Here’s just a few reasons why:

The average attendee knows little about golf

We actually did attend the event a few times and half the fun is observing the crowd.  Normally golf galleries are filled with people wearing golf attire and sensible shoes.  These are people who know the game and know what it’s like to walk around a golf course.  At the Phoenix Open the crowd is filled with people either dressed in costume (Big Bird was popular this year) or barely dressed at all.  There is fun to be had watching the young women who come expecting to prance around in their Louboutin heels but quickly discover that they are wearing the wrong kind of spikes.  We’ve seen more than one novice ruin a $500 pair of shoes when she goes “heels down” in a combination of soft grass and spilled beer.

Even the pro-am is entertaining

Usually the pro-am of any golf tournament is just a way for local dignitaries to bring in high flying, no-name customers for a chance to play with a pro.  The Phoenix Open, however, attracts top sports stars, business CEO’s and entertainment celebrities.  We could tell when the week of The Open is occurring even if we didn’t have a calendar – an average of 75 private jets fly over our house into Scottsdale airport every day of the Open.  There are so many planes at the airport that they have to double-park them.  This year the pro-am was spiced up by the addition of a streaker!  Yep – a 24 year-old man was breakdancing, practicing his golf swing and throwing sand up in the air while au naturel.   Apparently he also fell down a lot and, not surprisingly, was eventually charged with disorderly conduct.  What makes the story more amusing is that his antics went on for five minutes before anyone came out to stop him and at the end of his “performance” the crowd gave him a standing ovation.  Again, not your usual stodgy golf patronage.

The 16th Hole

Of course, what defines the Phoenix Open is the 16th Hole – the biggest outdoor bar in the world.  Over the years it has gone from having a few corporate tents around the tee box to its current three-story stadium surrounding the entire hole.  It is now literally like entering the lion’s den.  The 16th hole is famous for caddy-races (now banned after one too many accidents), pros throwing items into the stands (also now banned) and for the rowdiness of the spectators.  What other golf tournament sells tee shirts that says “Bring the Noise”?  There are students from ASU that strive to get the front row seats on Saturday each year and from that vantage point, sing or shout a personalized message to each golfer.  A few years ago the TV golf announcers were marveling at the amount of research this group does, digging up fight songs from obscure alma maters to knowing the name of the pro’s first wife.  I suppose the students’ parents might be wishing that amount of analyzing was spent on studying microbiology or something but for the rest of us it’s pretty entertaining to hear their songs and heckles – as long as it’s not mid-swing.

The upside of putting up with traffic and yahoos who yell “You Da Man!” is that the local charities benefit greatly from the tournament proceeds.  In fact, that’s one of the best aspects of the tournament.  As my neighbor observed, it’s also good that we can watch it on TV and miss the drunks vomiting into the trash cans.  Starting today we can relax until Spring Training starts when, once again, our roads are clogged and restaurants are filled to capacity.  Thankfully, baseball fans seem to be much more sedate than the Phoenix Open attendees.  Hopefully no one comes up with the bright idea to build a bar on third base.