Day 10/11 – Nepal Diary: The Elegant Elephant

Disney Jungle Cruise

Disney it was not

Today in Chitwan was a day to explore elephants . . . in detail, but first our canoe trip down a muddy river. It did not stack up favorably to the Disney’s Jungle Cruise. No monkeys climbing trees, no hippos spitting at us, no alligators, not even some stupid jokes. Our guide did say that there was a Kingfisher bird way off in the distance somewhere, but I’ll be damn if I saw him. The canoe trip mercifully ended with nary a sighting if you don’t count the log that looked like part of an alligator.

We then headed to the EBC, the Elephant Birthing Center, which was actually fairly interesting and one of the premier elephant breading centers in the world and boasts the birthing of the world’s only set of elephant twins. There were several baby elephants wandering around the grounds that you could actually touch and feed grass to, which I did. We next headed to the elephant bathing area, where we watched the trainers lead the elephants into the river then jump on their back with a brush and give them a good scrubbing. It was sort of like an elephant car wash – I think a wax and pedicure was extra.

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“Does this elephant have reverse?”

After lunch we did an elephant safari. Four people crammed into a wooden orange crate on top of an elephant – very uncomfortable, especially if your elephant needed a realignment or it’s tires rotated, which ours apparently did, as it was a very bumpy ride.  I like elephants, they may be my favorite animal, what with their size, strength and good memory, but I don’t think the elephant enjoyed this any more than we did.  We spent an hour and a half wandering through the jungle in search of wild animals. We saw a dog. I was riding facing backwards, so most of the views I had were of the elephant’s ass. Actually we did see a one-horned rhino mother with her baby. The one-horned rhinos are called Indian rhinos because they are found in the Indian/Asia area, as apposed to the two-horned rhino, which are found in Africa. Unlike the India/Africa elephant, it is easy to tell the Indian from the African rhino . . . JUST COUNT THEIR HORNS!!!

DSC01382Our safari lasted an hour-and-a-half, by which time my legs were numb and we had no more chance of seeing a Bengal Tiger than we did of seeing a Detroit Tiger, or Tiger Woods or Tony the Tiger for that matter. If elephant safaris were given as prizes and the hour-and-a-half safari was the first place prize, second prize would be a three-hour safari.

The trip was made easier by our safari mates, a very fun Malaysian couple from Kuala Lumpur. They entertained us throughout our safari as well as at dinner back at the hotel that night. He says that he is a Malaysian first and a Chinese second, but that he’s really a ‘banana’. Banana? I asked. Yes, that’s an Asian (yellow on the outside), who is really like an American (white on the inside).

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A one-cart, two-ox parade

The next morning we took an oxcart ride through several villages close to our hotel – I felt like I was a runner-up for Mr. Chitwan Congeniality, waving to the masses as we passed through their village.

We boarded Buddha Airlines for the short flight (18 minutes) to Kathmandu where we checked into the Shanker Hotel – I know it doesn’t sound healthy, but it’s actually a 5-star hotel – a far cry from the teahouses in the Himalayans that we were staying in, although I miss the teahouse’s charm.

Thank you all for your prayers and well-wishes for Dana – the last I heard she had a balloon, rather than a stint, put in and is now home and feeling great.

 

SLIME, AND SLIME AGAIN

Headlines:  We’re going to need a bigger jar of Purell.

They’ve discovered that the meat in our schools has “pink slime”,

And slimy ex-governor “Blago” is finally in jail for his crimes.

But the biggest “yuck” of all goes to Afghan prez Karzai,

“Untrustworthy slime ball” is too good for this guy.

Money:  March:  the lowest productivity month of the year.

The market is going up; mortgage rates are on the rise,

But all we care about is our office pool size.

Everyone is studying brackets, sizing up who’s #1,

It’s finally March Madness, which mean no work is being done.

Sports:  And to continue the theme…

Sure, Peyton is making all the stops, looking for a team,

And Tiger’s nursing his Achilles to keep alive his Master’s dream.

But it’s Kentucky who has to worry and hope that things don’t go awry,

For now they have to overcome the dreaded “jinx” from S.I.

Life:  It’s All Over Except the Shouting

That juggernaut, “American Idol”, has begun its 11th season,

And maybe we’re just cranky but it’s a bit “off” for some reason.

Some contestants are okay, a couple sing like they’re from Heaven,

But why do most decide to turn one note into seven?

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STILL DIGGING FOR THE GOOD NEWS

Headlines: Time to Stick Our Heads in the Sand

Rogue solder in Afghanistan, the Taliban’s enraged;

Massacres In Syria – this whole world’s an ugly stage.

But on this Tuesday morning, let’s not the bad news chase;

Let’s focus on the things that put a smile upon our face.

Money: Just What We Needed – Longer Days

We’ve made it through that weekend where we had to change our clocks,

And now we are just days away from the Vernal Equinox.

When Spring begins in earnest and the sun is beaming stronger,

When our nights are getting warmer and our days are lighter longer.

Sports: Tiger’s Having Another Hissy Fit

College basketball’s ‘Big Dance’ gets started off this week,

While Peyton’s on a US tour, a new football team to seek.

And Tiger keeps on swearing and after bad shots bangs his club;

It seems that the ‘new Tiger’ is more like a tiger cub.

Life: Whatever You Eat . . . It’s Bad For You.

In looking for some good news about things to drink and eat,

We didn’t find much solace for those who eat red meat.

But veggies contain pesticides and mercury’s in our fish,

So this evening try some raw nuts and a gourmet tofu dish

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THIS WILL HELP BRING YOU DOWN FROM YOUR VALENTINE CHOCOLATE HIGH

Headlines: Apparently Before ‘The Pill’ There Was Aspirin

Contraception’s become a political football that was bouncing around on the ground,

When Andrea Mitchell, wanted someone to address it, and here is the person she found.

A colorful backer of Santorum is he, Foster Friess (yes, that’s pronounced ‘Freeze’);

Who said, “Back in my day they just used an aspirin, the gals put it between their two knees”

Money: Another Wise Investment By Our Government

Clean-energy company, Solyndra, which we now know didn’t have a clue,

Got a half-billion loan from the government, without telling them what they could do.

They raved all about their technology to make energy plentiful and green,

And now they have gone out of business, I guess we’re the only ones that got cleaned

Sports: The ‘Showdown’ At Pebble

Mickelson and Woods at last played together on Sunday at famed Pebble Beach.

They both trailed the leader by just a few strokes, so the prize was still in their reach.

Phil hit all the fairways and dropped all his puts and ended up winning it all;

While Tiger looked more like a whipped pussy cat, who was left choking on a hair ball.

 Life: Someone Like You?  Not That I’ve Ever Heard

We usually rag on the rich and the famous; it’s so easy to carp and to gripe,

But it seems for the most part, this year’s Grammys show, finally lived up to the hype.

Adele was clearly the star of the show with six Grammys tucked under her wing;

So British, so cheeky, so funny, so real, and Wow can she ever sing!

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WHAT A COUNTRY!

Headlines:  Only in America.

On Thursday Oscar Ramiro Ortega was arrested on the spot,

For driving to the White House to take a well-aimed shot.

The details of the incident show just how diverse we are:

A Latin shooter wields a Romanian gun and drives a Japanese car.

Money:  Honey, I think we need a bigger outlet.

Lincoln still is clueless with their MDX make over,

It’s gets 19 MPG every time you turn it over.

 And AAA announced today that gas prices will give us no relief,

No wonder 20,000 people have reserved themselves a “Leaf”.

Sports:  He didn’t bring his “A” game.

Golf was big this week with the start of the President’s Cup,

But Tiger’s game was absent and he and Stricker just blew up.

Steve Williams, Tiger’s ex-caddie, must be loving this new win,

But one can only hope he’s learned to keep his private thoughts within.

 

Life:  The good, the bad and the “we totally saw this coming”.

This week Justin Timberlake danced at the Marine Corps Ball,

And it turns out Justin Bieber isn’t a father after all.

Regis is leaving Kelly, but the biggest news of course,

Is that Ashton’s little flings made Demi file for divorce.

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TOO MUCH INFORMATION

Headlines:  We’re guessing this was not funded by the One-A-Day company. 

Multivitamins are now bad for us, was the latest news today,

Causing heart attacks, cancer, and heck, probably tooth decay.

If they banish all the vitamins we think that we’ll be fine,

We’ll stick with the tried and true – dark chocolate and red wine.

Money:  It’s the G. I. Joe of soft drinks. 

Dr. Pepper has introduced a new diet drink called DP10,

With silver bullets as its décor, they say it’s aimed at men.

Really? They think the décor will make a macho man try it?

Only if it has boobs on the can will most men ask for “diet”.

Sports:  Did someone say “perfect endings”? 

The weekend saw two fitting tributes in the world of sports,

Proving that when it comes to games it really takes all sorts.

The Raiders won for Al Davis, baby, in an emotional scene,

And a fan launched a hot dog at Tiger while he was putting on the green.

Life:  Is there no such thing as “too personal” anymore? 

Sharon Osbourne was off  “The Talk” and it caused a bit of doubt,

But then she said she was absent to have her implants taken out.

She went on to say that one breast had grown longer and had leaked,

Gee, just hearing she was absent is when my interest level peaked.

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A LAP-BAND FOR THE UNIVERSE

Headlines: Does My ASStroid look big in this?

The Nobel Prize went to three guys whose find was quite distracting;

The universe, they proved, is expanding not contracting.

Just like us, it’s getting bigger, so now it needs to trim

By eating right and spending time in its Universal Gym.

Money: But can it put the seat down on the toilet?

The iPhone 4S was just rolled out

To some apathetic cheers;

The big thing: it talks back to you,

But my spouse has done that for years.

Sports: Sports Shorts

The D’back beat the Brewers to take it to game five,

 And the Phillies beat St. Louis to keep their hopes alive.

The NBA looks ready, but Tiger still has warts;

Iowa’s got NASCAR and that’s your day in sports.

Life: Steve Jobs  1955-2011

Let’s take time out to recognize an iCon in our time;

The CEO of Apple leaves us in his prime.

He was simply like no other, such an innovative guy,

We’ll think of him each time we see that uncapped Apple ‘i’

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