Fast and Curious

Headlines: I Thought You Were Watching The Guns!

Of a recent government gun bust we became so very curious;

About an arms tracking tactic by the name of Fast and Furious.

The tactic was designed to find the leaders and the funds,

But somewhere in the process our agents lost 2,000 guns.

 Money: Anyone Seen My Keys and Glasses?

MF Global CEO, ex-Senator Jon Corzine

Is the subject of a scandal and is being much maligned

For a simple senior moment with regard to farmer’s millions;

It seems he can’t recall where he left one point two billion.

 Sports: You Can’t Buy A World Series on eBay

Albert Pujols, CJ Wilson will now wear Angel red,

  This historic trade in baseball was finally put to bed.

Angel fans should not forget the New York Yankee curse,

Just because you pay the most won’t mean you’ll come in first.

 Life: Do They Know Who I Am?

Hothead Alec Baldwin was thrown off an airplane just this week

When he refused to close his phone and continued with his tweet.

“I was singled out”, the disgruntled actor said.

Perhaps he really has 30 Rocks in his head.

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Affairs to Forget

Headlines: Is Cain Able to Handle Situation Gingerly?

Herman Cain provides the fodder for his political foes,

When he sits down with his wife this week to see just what she knows

About friend Ginger White with whom he just had friendly connections,

And he’s hoping to avoid the subject of presidential erections.

 Money: Just What We Need, Another Stock that Isn’t Worth Anything 

Just in time for Christmas you can buy some Packers stock,

So you can put a Cheese Head in that special person’s sock.

But investors should be wary as there’s something to be learned;

The stock, while it brings ownership will bring no monetary return.

 Sports: Keep Manning Manning the Sidelines

Payton Manning’s neck is healing the doctor said this week,

But his comeback for this season still is looking bleak.

We know that he’s a winner, but it cannot be his dream

To stand behind the offensive line of his winless Indy team.

Life: Barbara Wawa Holds A Mirror Up To Our Culture and It Isn’t Pretty

It’s Barbara Walter’s Special night we hope you won’t be late,

She tells us who we really like and who can fascinate.

The Kardashians and Trump are among those who she’ll fete

All in all it sounds like something that we’d just as soon forget.

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Who’s Got The Political Football?

Headlines: Newt Takes the Lead . . . This Week

I’m not so sure which party is enjoying this the most;

The Republicans have a struggling president to roast,

While the Democrats are finding it quite easy to critique

The Republican’s latest offering of the candidate of the week.

Money: Black Thursday Afternoon

A long time Target employee has said Thanksgiving is my day,

But he can never enjoy it because he works on Black Friday.

So the store’s midnight grand opening, he’s trying to appeal

So he doesn’t have to sleep again through his Thanksgiving meal.

Sports: On Which Side Do Mom & Dad Sit?

There is an historic game for you pro football mavens

This Thursday San Francisco plays the Baltimore Ravens

It’s a familial faceoff that’s the big television draw

Each team is being coached by brothers named Harbaugh.

Life: And Now For A Hollywood Moment

Demi’s in Hawaii getting over her divorce;

Taylor Swift has proved again that she a tour de force.

Bieber’s trying to settle some bothersome dispute,

Making sure that he’s not fitted for his first paternity suit.

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Does Anybody’s Government Work?

Headlines: It’s Not My Job

President Giorgio Napolitano, told an irate Italian mob

That fixing his own government was not part of his job.

So to keep the masses happy as they tried to go berserk,

He gave the task to Monti to see if he could make it work.

Money: Saturn Permanently In Orbit

Just as General Motors started writing ink that’s black,

In the Saturn gear shift, inspectors found a little crack.

To places you’re not going, you may just have arrived,

‘Cuz when you put the car in Park it might just be in Drive.

Sports: Where Spirit is Still Alive

Does it seem that sports in general has lost that old rah-rah,

With the stand-off in the NBA and the fall of Coach JoPa.

If you’re looking for a contest that doesn’t have such shame,

Stay in your local neighborhood and catch a high school game.

Life: What if Kennedy Hadn’t Been Assassinated?

Stephen King has written a novel called ‘11/22/63’

About that faithful day in Dallas when we lost John Kennedy.

But of course it has a twist, he’s got history reversed;

In his story someone ends up shooting Harvey Oswald first.

 

Only 40 More Shopping Days Until Christmas and You Still Don’t Know

What to Get Aunt Mildred.

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Can You Tap Dance in Flip Flops?

Headlines: I Feel Strongly Both Ways

Romney’s getting bashed for the changing of his stances;

Is he trying to get ready for some presidential dances?

Some who know him best, have heard that he has said,

“When Obama leaves I hope he leaves his flip flops by the bed.”

Money: Greco-Roman Wrestling

Just as we get the Greeks turned around, so to speak,

It seems that the Euro has sprung another leak.

This time it’s the Italians, their future’s not so sunny;

They gotta dough, they gotta bread, but they ain’t gotta no money.

Sports: Defensive Game is Offensive

Last week we were hyping the Tigers and the Tide,

But LSU and Alabama took us for a ride.

The game had not one touchdown, no great runs, no great passes

Disappointing all the couch potatoes sitting on their asses

Life: He Thought He Was Dr. Kevorkian

The jury’s has come back with manslaughter, involuntary

And Dr. Murray’s comments that followed seemed quite scary

“What was it, drips or shots or was it probing with my scanner?

Or was it just you didn’t seem to like my bedside manner?”

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Freddie and the Greeks

Headlines: No One Wants A Greek In A Position . . . To Fail

In Athens the economy is struggling

As alignment with the Euro they seek.

The rest of Europe’s not happy with the problem,

But no one dares turn their back to a Greek.

 Money: Lots of Money That No One Can Qualify For

We have lowered mortgage rates to a scant four percent,

Said Freddie Mac with its usual smirk.

But what Freddie fails to see is that no one buys homes

When most buyers are still out of work.

Sports: This Weekend: Football, Southern Style

 College football’s lollapalooza

Is this Saturday in old Tuscaloosa;

The Tigers and Tide

Play for #1 pride,

Neither wants to come away as the loser.

Life: I Can See Bill and His Cigarette Holder Now

Bill Murray, the actor of comedic fame,

Has announced that he’s going to star

In a role that seems quite a stretch for the clown;

He’ll be playing the great FDR.

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I’m From The Government And I’m Here To Help

Headlines: Romney Practices Presidential Double-Speak

Did Romney hire illegal help to care for his lawn and yard?

He said in the debates this week that to know was really hard.

He bobbed and weaved so deftly, we didn’t know what he meant;

It looks like he is well-equipped to be our next president.

 

Money:  The One Step Forward, Two Steps Back Government Waltz

Social Security benefits, for the first time in three years

Will increase by 3.9 percent; we could hear the senior cheers.

But before they spend that money, there something they should know;

Their medical expenses will increase by four-point-oh.

 

Sports: It’s A Small World After All

It’s the start of the ‘Fall Classic’ when the rest of the world we snub;

With the exception of Toronto, which we’ve let into our club;

 Other countries that play baseball must surely feel quite slighted;

As we call it the World Series, but no other countries are invited.

 

Life: Believe Him Or Not 

Sometimes the weather’s sunny, sometimes a huge downpour,

But this week, climate guru and former veep Al Gore

Has warned us of our failings, global warming he lamented

In a story on the Internet, which he’ll tell you he invented.

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If We Have Checks Don’t We Still Have Money?

Headlines: Has anyone in government taken Econ 101?

Not Wall Street or Obama’s cabinet has figured out a plan;

It seems it’s basic economics, they just don’t understand.

The problem’s we’re not bringing in as much as we have spent

As those who paid NO taxes went to 47 percent!

Money: Could Motown be Notown?

“Imported from Detroit” is what Chrysler says for show,

But it seems that just like Ford, their cars are made in Mexico.

Will we see the day the industry just up and disappears,

When cars are coming from abroad and nothing is made here?

 –

Sports: Slam Dunk Turns into Lame Duck

Close the basketball areas and the NBA pavilions,

The players and the owners are still fighting for their millions.

If they cancelled the whole season, all the fans would be just fine,

‘Cuz we’ll see those greedy players in the unemployment line.

Life: Swift Assent

This year’s ‘Woman of the Year’ by Billboard magazine,

Is both a pop star diva and successful country queen.

She writes all of her music and sings it just for fun;

She’s Grammy winner Taylor Swift, and she’s just 21.

  –

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Come Together

Headlines: How do you misplace 20,000 missiles?

Libya had stock piled 20,000 missiles

That no one’s been able to find.

Perhaps they reflect Gadhafi’s old program

Of leaving no missile behind.

Money: Good Cop, Bad Cop

Europe’s top two economies were looking for methods

Of securing their banks and their borders.

The French, wine in hand, simply said, “S’il vous plait”,

While the Germans said, “Here are your orders!”

Sports: Jimmy Johnson Not Getting Anywhere

Here’s a shout out to NASCAR and the Kansas Cup race

Won by Johnson, but we can’t understand

 How he drove all those hours; did 300 laps

And ended right where he began.

Life: He’s Got a Ticket to Bride

Paul McCartney got married last weekend

He and Nancy Shevell became one.

At his age we hope he’s not singing

A song like Here Comes the Son.

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A LAP-BAND FOR THE UNIVERSE

Headlines: Does My ASStroid look big in this?

The Nobel Prize went to three guys whose find was quite distracting;

The universe, they proved, is expanding not contracting.

Just like us, it’s getting bigger, so now it needs to trim

By eating right and spending time in its Universal Gym.

Money: But can it put the seat down on the toilet?

The iPhone 4S was just rolled out

To some apathetic cheers;

The big thing: it talks back to you,

But my spouse has done that for years.

Sports: Sports Shorts

The D’back beat the Brewers to take it to game five,

 And the Phillies beat St. Louis to keep their hopes alive.

The NBA looks ready, but Tiger still has warts;

Iowa’s got NASCAR and that’s your day in sports.

Life: Steve Jobs  1955-2011

Let’s take time out to recognize an iCon in our time;

The CEO of Apple leaves us in his prime.

He was simply like no other, such an innovative guy,

We’ll think of him each time we see that uncapped Apple ‘i’

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