![\"Senior](\"https:\/\/fromabirdseyeview.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Food-Network.png\")
<\/a>Senior Citizen porn<\/p><\/div>\n
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I am not a good cook. \u00a0Never have been. \u00a0But I yearn\u00a0<\/em>to be great. \u00a0I watch the Food Network <\/strong>\u00a0with great enthusiasm. \u00a0I imagine myself twirling around in the kitchen, dazzling my friends with my expertise, amazing them with my magnificent<\/strong> meals<\/strong>. \u00a0If watching TV magically translated into an actual skill, I would be stir-frying, sauteing and braising everything to a turn.\u00a0\u00a0I’ve observed so many baking episodes that I should be rolling out fondant and spinning sugar roses<\/strong> on a daily basis. \u00a0But alas, my intellectual understanding of food and my ability to produce edible meals<\/strong>\u00a0somehow are at odds. \u00a0In all fairness, I’ve not killed anyone yet but as you will read, I’ve come darn close.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n My Gourmet Main Course<\/p><\/div>\n I should have known that cooking was not going to be my strong suit back in 1972, when I was living in my first apartment. \u00a0At the time I was dating a lawyer who took me to very nice restaurants<\/strong>. \u00a0Back in those days (I think it was the Paleozoic era), men always picked up the bill. \u00a0So occasionally, the woman was expected to host a home-cooked meal. \u00a0It was a great system<\/strong>. \u00a0After a couple of months I just couldn’t mooch one more meal from this man, so I worked up the courage to host him for dinner. \u00a0I decided on a Mexican theme.<\/strong> \u00a0I decorated with colorful flowers and planned out the menu; I think I even threw a red sash around my waist thinking it would add a certain\u00a0<\/strong>je ne sais quoi<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0<\/strong>to the evening. \u00a0<\/em>As if a red sash was going to make up for\u00a0canned tamales.<\/strong>\u00a0Yep – the prep for my main course consisted of me reaching into the tool drawer, pulling out an old screw-type can opener, and dumping the tamales in a pan. \u00a0I think I may have served canned Mexican rice<\/strong> too. \u00a0Shortly after we finished eating this tour-de-force of can opening, my date asked if I had an Alka-Seltzer. \u00a0I did not. \u00a0So he suggested (rather kindly as I think back on it) that we go out for an after dinner drink<\/strong> at the local pub. \u00a0Only he didn’t have a drink – he ordered club soda. \u00a0Not surprisingly,\u00a0I never<\/strong> saw him again<\/strong>. \u00a0And I was so naive that it was years<\/em> later before it dawned on me I had caused him to suffer from heart burn, indigestion and God only knows what other type of gastrointestinal disorder.<\/p>\n Fast-forward 43 years to last month when I experienced\u00a0the Triple Crown of cooking disasters<\/strong>. First, we were invited to a pot luck where I volunteered to bring a chicken dish. \u00a0I consulted my Ina Garten cookbook, How Easy Is That?<\/em><\/strong>, because I was definitely looking for easy. \u00a0I selected the Lemon Chicken that required boneless chicken breasts with the skin left on<\/strong>. \u00a0Not wanting to cut open an artery while de-boning a chicken breast, I purchased de-boned chicken breasts from our local gourmet market for approximately the price of a Porsche. \u00a0The recipe says to simply put the chicken in the lemon sauce and bake it, whereupon the skin is supposed to “crisp up”<\/strong>. \u00a0As the time approached for us to leave, I peeked in the oven. \u00a0No crisping. \u00a0I panicked and turned up the heat. \u00a0Still nothing. \u00a0Finally, we had to leave for the party so I pulled the dish out of the oven. \u00a0 The end result looked like islands of fat floating in lemons. \u00a0I’ve seen better looking skin in a nursing home<\/strong>. \u00a0I secretly told everyone that someone else brought that horrid<\/em>\u00a0chicken dish.<\/p>\n Mine looked NOTHING like this<\/p><\/div>\n Next I decided to bake my husband’s favorite dessert for his birthday – Pineapple Upside Down cake<\/strong>. \u00a0He is on a restricted-fat diet so I found a recipe that used applesauce and club soda as substitutes for anything that actually tastes good<\/strong>. \u00a0When the baking time was up I took it out of the oven only to discover that it resembled a yellow Frisbee<\/strong>. \u00a0Actually, that comparison might be insulting to the Frisbee. \u00a0One of my good friends, who is a fabulous cook, told me that next time I should make a full-fat version and just serve a smaller piece.<\/strong> \u00a0Hmmmm…a smaller piece of cake. \u00a0Not something usually in my wheelhouse.<\/p>\n The third disaster occurred last weekend when I tried to make up for the birthday cake disaster<\/strong>\u00a0by fixing an angel food cake. \u00a0In fact, I went a step further and found Ms. Garten’s Lemon Angel Food<\/strong> cake recipe. \u00a0Perfect! \u00a0My husband loves lemons and the cake is naturally fat-free<\/strong>. \u00a0The recipe couldn’t have been further from my canned tamales in terms of effort. \u00a0The flour, sugar and salt had to be sifted FIVE times. \u00a0Finally – it was in the oven and I hovered over it like a mongoose\u00a0watching a snake<\/strong>. \u00a0It rose beautifully. \u00a0When I took it out of the oven it was high and crispy (if only my chicken skin had looked that good). \u00a0I inverted it on the counter<\/strong> and went into my office to relax while it cooled. \u00a0Ten minutes later my husband walked in and said “Honey, I think your cake fell”. \u00a0I assured him that an angel food cake is supposed\u00a0<\/em>to be upside down<\/strong> while it cools. \u00a0To which he replied, “No, it actually<\/strong> has fallen.”<\/strong> \u00a0I raced into the kitchen. \u00a0Sure enough, my angel food cake was a steaming heap of molten mess,\u00a0<\/strong>having made a huge splat\u00a0<\/em>when it hit the counter. \u00a0Pure unadulterated pride kept me from taking a picture of it.\u00a0 Instead, I did what any reasonable person would do – I threw it in the garbage and poured myself a glass of wine.<\/strong><\/p>\n I’m going to start watching The Wine Network<\/strong>. \u00a0All that’s necessary for success is to select a bottle of wine, open and pour. \u00a0Now, how easy is\u00a0that?<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Suzanne Sparrow Watson I am not a good cook. \u00a0Never have been. \u00a0But I yearn\u00a0to be great. \u00a0I watch the Food Network \u00a0with great enthusiasm. \u00a0I imagine myself twirling around in the kitchen, dazzling my friends with my … read more<\/a><\/a><\/h1>\n