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<\/a>From a land long ago\u00a0and far away<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n Last week my brother was spot on with his observations about\u00a0our current election process<\/strong>.\u00a0 Sadly, it only got worse and more complicated as the week went on.\u00a0 Reading his blog reminded me of the oft-used phrase, “we get the politicians we deserve”, which I thought was off-base this election cycle as who could possibly merit<\/strong> the current field of candidates?\u00a0 Well, after traveling across country a couple of weeks ago I can tell you who deserves these people – slobs on airplanes. \u00a0You know the type; it’s people who dress like they have recently emerged from their\u00a0cozy bed with nary a thought to actually changing their pajamas<\/strong> for street clothes. \u00a0But it’s not just sloppy clothing that make people slobby.\u00a0\u00a0 It’s also the people who are so self-centered and clueless that one can only assume they have been raised by feral cats.<\/p>\n Which, oddly enough, is how my journey from airline hell began.\u00a0 My first flight\u00a0was at 6:30 a.m. which\u00a0of course meant\u00a0I got no sleep at all <\/strong>the night before, what with waking up every 15 minutes to make sure I didn’t sleep through the two alarms I set.\u00a0 The good news about such an early flight is\u00a0the line for security is virtually\u00a0next to nothing.\u00a0 And yet…four people tried to break\u00a0into the Pre-Check line because they thought they were too important to wait for the\u00a0five<\/em> people in front of them to go through regular security.\u00a0 Once I had been thoroughly grilled by TSA about\u00a0my dangerous Fitbit bracelet<\/strong>, I headed for Starbucks.\u00a0 There is nothing like strong coffee in the morning to improve my mood so I was reveling in my cuppa joe at the departure gate when I\u00a0heard an odd sound.\u00a0 Odd because it was a familiar sound, yet strangely out of place.\u00a0 The sound got louder and louder until it\u00a0reached the chair across from me.\u00a0\u00a0I casually glanced up and was somewhat startled to see an older woman pushing a wheelchair containing a screeching cat in a canvas crate<\/strong>.\u00a0 Then to make matters worse, the woman unzipped the crate and tried to calm the cat down.\u00a0 As a former cat owner I can assure you that there IS no calming a distressed cat.\u00a0 The guy next to me leaned over and said “we can only pray she’s not next to us”.\u00a0 Thankfully, she wasn’t. \u00a0I don’t know whether she smothered the cat or gave it drugs but I didn’t hear a peep from it again.<\/p>\n \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 SHUT UP!<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n On the\u00a0leg of my trip to NYC I was happy that I had scored the aisle seat in the first row of coach.\u00a0 There is nothing like extra leg room on a long flight.\u00a0\u00a0 As I eagerly stepped through the doorway to the plane I heard a man shouting in a panicked voice – I surmised it was an argument about a seat tilted back into someone’s upper groin<\/strong>.\u00a0 But as luck would have it,\u00a0“the voice”\u00a0was\u00a0seated right next to me yelling into his cell phone.\u00a0 There was all manner of “I take full responsibility”, “It’s all on me” and “Tell him I’m very sorry<\/strong>“.\u00a0 I assumed given the volume and urgency with which he was speaking that he was a surgeon who had just amputated the wrong leg.\u00a0 But a few sentences further into the conversation it became clear that he was an insurance salesman.\u00a0 I had visions of the hanging scene from “Airplane!”.\u00a0 On and on he droned, without a thought to anyone around him.\u00a0 One guy who was passing by on the way to his seat just rolled his eyes at me and said “Gosh, did you know he’s really sorry?”.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0This went on until the flight attendant practically had to take a hatchet to his hand<\/strong> so he would turn\u00a0his phone off. He alone is why the FAA should NEVER allow cell phones to be activated during flight.<\/p>\n Poster child for airplane slobs<\/strong><\/p><\/div>\n My trip returning from NYC was only slightly better.\u00a0 We had the ubiquitous crying children (only slightly<\/em> better than a screeching cat) and the person next to me required a seat belt extender<\/strong> so let’s just say that I never saw one inch of the arm rest between us.\u00a0 Finally, on my last leg home I thought I\u00a0caught a break.\u00a0 It was the first flight that wasn’t completely full\u00a0and\u00a0again I had the aisle seat in the first row of coach.\u00a0\u00a0As I settled in a woman\u00a0who looked like a refugee from the 60’s<\/strong> took the center\u00a0seat next to me.\u00a0 When the cabin door closed I realized that the window seat was vacant.\u00a0 I waited for her to move over but apparently the Patchouli oil<\/strong> had gone to her head.\u00a0 Finally I said “You know, you could move over to the window seat and then we’d both have a bit more room.”\u00a0 She stared intently into my eyes\u00a0and said, “You’re my kind of person!” but didn’t make any attempt to move over.\u00a0 Oh boy.\u00a0 Once we were at cruising altitude she finally changed seats.\u00a0 I heaved a big sigh of relief until she bent down, took off her shoes and then propped her feet up<\/strong> on the bulkhead.\u00a0 To say that the odor smelled like a dung heap would be an injustice to the dung heap.\u00a0 Thankfully, she fell asleep for most of the flight and my nostrils adjusted to the smell.\u00a0 But of course, she wasn’t done\u00a0quite yet.\u00a0 Upon awakening she took a rotting banana<\/strong> out of her bag and proceeded to eat it.\u00a0 When I say rotting, it was WAY beyond even being considered for banana bread.\u00a0 When the flight attendant came to pick up garbage “Ms. Summer of Love” handed the blackened peel off to her.\u00a0 The attendant handled it like a dead rat.<\/p>\n So, to my earlier point, these<\/em> are the people that deserve our current Presidential candidates<\/strong>.\u00a0 On a more positive note, and speaking of Presidents, also on my flight to NYC was the author, Douglas Brinkley<\/strong>, who was on a book tour for Rightful Heritage: The Renewal of America<\/em>.\u00a0 Mr. Brinkley is clearly in need of a new agent; he was seated far back in coach.\u00a0\u00a0I came into contact with him as he was waiting in the aisle undoubtedly held up by someone several rows back attempting to hoist their pet goat<\/strong> into the overhead .\u00a0 I told him that I was a big fan of his writing.\u00a0 He couldn’t have been more gracious.\u00a0 Upon reflection, I now realize that I should have\u00a0knocked off “Cell Phone Man” so Mr. Brinkley could take his seat and we could have had an engaging conversation about the Roosevelts and Presidential politics in general.\u00a0 I know…the\u00a0Patchouli oil has gone to my head.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Suzanne Sparrow Watson Last week my brother was spot on with his observations about\u00a0our current election process.\u00a0 Sadly, it only got worse and more complicated as the week went on.\u00a0 Reading his blog reminded me of the oft-used phrase, … read more![\"SHUT](\"https:\/\/fromabirdseyeview.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/04\/cell-phone-on-plane-150x140.jpg\")
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