By Suzanne Sparrow Watson<\/p>\n
I\u2019m getting older.\u00a0 There are numerous\u00a0signs to remind me of this but foremost among them is that I\u2019m getting grumpier.\u00a0 I am easily annoyed by things that don\u2019t work.\u00a0 I could insert some joke here about our government but that\u2019s too obvious \u2013 and besides there are lots of other people griping about that.\u00a0\u00a0 Slumping stock market?\u00a0 I can deal with that.\u00a0 Nope, I\u2019m annoyed with the little stuff that sucks the life out of me\u00a0every day.\u00a0\u00a0 Here\u2019s just a slice from my last week.<\/p>\n
1.\u00a0 I went to Costco to buy a jar of almonds.\u00a0 $500 later I checked out. Among the things I bought was a package of scissors.\u00a0 They were encased\u00a0in a plastic \u201cclamshell\u201d.\u00a0 Ironically, the reason I succumbed to buying the scissors is that my old pair could safely be given to a 3 year old.\u00a0 In other words, they were no match for Costco\u2019s plastic.\u00a0 I tried to pry the package apart.\u00a0 No luck.\u00a0 A swift slice with a paring knife resulted in a \u201cswing and a miss\u201d and practically sliced my finger off.\u00a0 I hacked at it with a utility knife, looking a bit like a \u00a0scene from\u00a0Psycho. <\/em>\u00a0But the blade was too dull for the “Costco shield”.\u00a0 My language, on the other hand, was becoming quite colorful.\u00a0 What I needed was a really sharp pair of scissors.\u00a0 Like the ones in the package.\u00a0 They were as well-guarded\u00a0as the Crown Jewels.\u00a0 I thought about whipping out my husband\u2019s chain saw. \u00a0At last I found a newer utility knife. \u00a0Success! \u00a0The scissors were freed from captivity but I was exhausted from the effort. \u00a0Do you think the CEO of Costco has ever tried to open one of these things?<\/p>\n 2.\u00a0 My husband and I have been trying\u00a0to eat more healthy the past couple of years.\u00a0 We are under the delusion that consuming our daily servings of fruits and vegetables now is going to make up for a lifetime of Oreos, Dairy Queen Blizzards and Chili Cheese Fries.\u00a0 So I spend quite\u00a0a bit of time in the produce section of the grocery store. \u00a0Have you tried wrestling with those plastic bags from a roller that you put stuff in?\u00a0 They are impossible to open.\u00a0 Yesterday I wanted to put some tomatoes in one.\u00a0 No matter how much I tried, I couldn\u2019t get the bag open.\u00a0 I used to solve this problem but licking my fingers and then twisting the edges apart.\u00a0 But ever since I read that grocery cart handles are the dirtiest place on Earth, I make Howard \u00a0Hughes look like a meth addict by comparison.\u00a0 I took the tomatoes and the plastic bag over to the carrots that had just been sprayed (by the nozzle that also is full of germs, by the way) and wet my fingers on that moisture.\u00a0 Okay, I\u2019m a little nutty about this but really \u2013 can\u2019t they make a bag that will open without me having to risk the norovirus?<\/p>\n 3.\u00a0\u00a0 We have been customers of Direct TV for 12 years.\u00a0 I\u2019m pretty handy with AV components so\u00a0I’ve\u00a0been pretty successful in fixing most of the problems we\u2019ve had with receivers over the years. \u00a0But last Thursday our receiver went out and none of my usual tricks would fix it.\u00a0 I was terrified that I might miss \u201cThe Real Housewives of Orange County\u201d so I broke down and called customer service.\u00a0 It went something like this:<\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 (After 30 minutes on hold) Hi \u2013 my receiver is not working.\u00a0 I have pressed the red reset button, I have unplugged the unit for 15 minutes, and I have put new batteries in the remote.\u00a0 I think I need to be connected to your next level of technical support.<\/p>\n Them:\u00a0 Hello.\u00a0 My name is Lobert.\u00a0 (Okay, so I\u2019ve been transferred to some country where they have trouble pronouncing \u201cr\u2019s\u201d).\u00a0 First, I need to ask you some questions.\u00a0 Have you tried pressing the red reset button?<\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 (Annoyed) Yes, I told you, I\u2019ve done that.\u00a0 I\u2019ve also unplugged it and changed the batteries in the remote.<\/p>\n Them:\u00a0 Have you tried unplugging it?<\/p>\n Me: (on my last nerve) YES!!! \u00a0I told you that – TWICE<\/span>.<\/p>\n Them:\u00a0 I have to go through my list.\u00a0 Have you changed the batteries in your remote?<\/p>\n Me:\u00a0 (eyeing the ice pick and wondering it it will go completely\u00a0<\/em>through my head) Yes \u2013 I\u2019ve changed the batteries.<\/p>\n Them:\u00a0 Oh, well if you\u2019ve done all that then I can\u2019t help you.\u00a0 You need the next level of support.<\/p>\n So, here I sit, no TV, but I\u2019m eating tomatoes and I can cut coupons out of the paper with great precision.\u00a0 That will have to keep me happy for now.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Suzanne Sparrow Watson I\u2019m getting older.\u00a0 There are numerous\u00a0signs to remind me of this but foremost among them is that I\u2019m getting grumpier.\u00a0 I am easily annoyed by things that don\u2019t work.\u00a0 I could insert some joke here about … read more