{"id":757,"date":"2012-07-30T06:15:59","date_gmt":"2012-07-30T13:15:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/morningnewsinverse.com\/?p=757"},"modified":"2012-07-30T06:15:59","modified_gmt":"2012-07-30T13:15:59","slug":"the-senior-decay-thlon","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fromabirdseyeview.com\/?p=757","title":{"rendered":"THE SENIOR DECAY-THLON"},"content":{"rendered":"

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson<\/p>\n

The quadrennial Summer Olympics are upon us this week.\u00a0 I have to admit that I\u2019m a sucker for all things related to the Games.\u00a0 I like the schmaltzy stories about athletes overcoming physical challenges, dysfunctional families, and swimsuits that ride up.\u00a0 I even like the commercials the first time through and then, through the magic of the DVR, I whiz through the next several hours\u2019 worth of their re-runs.<\/p>\n

As magnificent as these elite athletes are they do have a big advantage: they practice.\u00a0 They devote endless hours to getting faster, stronger and more agile.\u00a0 Their family and friends support them in the effort.\u00a0 Shoot, there\u2019s even a place on our tax form so we all<\/em> can support them.<\/p>\n

Compare that to those of us who are suddenly thrust into the indignities of aging.\u00a0 Without any notice (or, might I say, practice) whatsoever, we become slower, weaker and more awkward; we can\u2019t see, can\u2019t hear and noises come out of places that really should be silent.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to write the IOOC to suggest that if they really want to see people triumph over adversity they should establish a new event \u2013 the Senior Decathlon.\u00a0 Here are the 10 events for which medals should be awarded:<\/p>\n