![\"\"](\"https:\/\/fromabirdseyeview.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2012\/11\/thanksgiving-dinner.jpg\" "\\"Thanksgiving")
<\/a>As my brother so accurately wrote last year, Thanksgiving is our family’s favorite holiday. \u00a0After all, we\u00a0are related to five of the 17 families that came over on the Mayflower. \u00a0After I discovered this bit of history I deluded myself into thinking that our DNA is hard-wired to love the holiday commemorating them. \u00a0But the cold, hard truth is that we love this holiday because we love to eat.<\/p>\nWe are all big eaters in our family. \u00a0There is never an “old maid” left on the \u00a0hors d’oeuvre tray and “thirds” are for the light eaters. \u00a0We are the family that\u00a0inspired expandable\u00a0waistbands. \u00a0We do have standards – we do not eat jellied cranberry sauce and no one belches at the table. \u00a0So far.<\/p>\n
And yet we are not so slovenly that we have no self-respect. \u00a0No sir, we are all pretty good about exercise and trying to stay in shape. \u00a0For years I wore a pedometer to ensure that I walked 10,000 steps every day. \u00a0So in anticipation of Thursday’s annual\u00a0bacchanal, I went to walk.about.com which has a handy little feature that lets you check all the food you’ll eat on Thanksgiving and then covert it to calories. \u00a0I thought that could be an interesting exercise, forgetting that when it comes to food, ignorance is bliss.<\/p>\n
A glass of wine? \u00a0Check. \u00a0A celery stalk stuffed with bleu cheese? \u00a0Why not? \u00a0Okay, I’ll opt for one cracker with a slice of\u00a0Stilton. \u00a0How much could that add? \u00a0On I went, from the turkey to the mashed potatoes to the requisite green bean\u00a0casserole\u00a0. \u00a0My total calorie count? 3,365!!!!<\/p>\n
Then the intrusive, vindictive, people-with-too-much-time-on-their-hands snoops at walk.about.com felt the need to let me know with laser-like precision exactly how many miles and steps it would take me to burn off all those calories. \u00a0Turns out I need to walk 34 miles or 67,300 steps to wear off my dinner. \u00a0From a scheduling standpoint, \u00a0I need to cram 6 1\/2 days of walking into Thursday. \u00a0If I start walking in downtown San Francisco I couldn’t stop until I reached Santa Clara. Fortunately Stanford Medical Center is on the way – perhaps I could drop in for a gastric bypass.<\/p>\n
But here’s the worst part, I lied when I took the test. \u00a0One <\/em>cracker with cheese? \u00a0I so frequently hog the snack table that my family nickname is “Hoover lips”. \u00a0I consider mashed potatoes to be health food and, frankly, I think it insulting to the cook if I pass on all the pies and whipped cream. \u00a0Even though the “cook” is Costco. \u00a0My real calorie count is probably north of \u00a06,000.<\/p>\n So when everyone gathers on Thanksgiving to eat, watch football and talk about the nation’s pending\u00a0financial crisis, I will sadly find no room for compromise. \u00a0Despite the obvious risks and danger, I will be jumping off the caloric cliff.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" By Suzanne Sparrow Watson As my brother so accurately wrote last year, Thanksgiving is our family’s favorite holiday. \u00a0After all, we\u00a0are related to five of the 17 families that came over on the Mayflower. \u00a0After I discovered this bit of … read more