LET’S STAY HOME

Headlines:  Were the lifeboats included in the “resort” package?

The Italian ship Costa Concordia had some frightful luck,

The hull crashed on some rocks and tipped over in the muck.

The Captain acted as the Italian military is prone,

He surrendered his position and left the passengers on their own.

Money:  Next they will affix a toilet to the La-Z-Boy.

Burger King is testing home delivery of their meals,

Redesigning all the packaging with heat –protective seals.

They are targeting that connoisseur of fast food shoppers:

Those who won’t get off the couch for fries and a Big Whopper.

Sports:  Who Dat?  Not the Saints.

Football is a sport that people cheer with much emotion,

A Saint’s fan shot a Niner fan simply based on his devotion.

For the Cheeseheads it is nothing but depression and gloom,

Their team will watch the Super Bowl from the comfort of their living room.

Life:   Can’t Meryl afford a stylist?

The Golden Globes were glittering, the dresses over the top,

But the acceptance speeches droned, it seemed they wouldn’t stop.

Rickey Gervais’ jokes were silly and seemed just a bit tired,

Next stop? The Apprentice so Trump can say “You’re Fired!”

IT ALREADY FEELS SO 2011

Headlines:  Blah, Blah, Blah

Well, it’s really starting: the “fun” of an election year,

Where the politicians posture and all seem so sincere.

Bachmann has dropped out and everyone is ripping Mitt,

Now it’s just a game of seeing who’ll be the next obit.

Money:  So the half-off Christmas sales were harmful?

The past few years have brought enough economic trouble,

Now economists say deflation will be the next financial bubble.

Falling prices and declining incomes are a sure sign of the trend,

It’s so confusing we don’t know whether to save a buck or spend.

Sports:  Talk about a 12th man!

The NFL playoff teams are one step closer to the Super Bowl,

The Texans, Saints and Giants are really on a roll.

But it was the Bronco victory in overtime that really had to be seen,

Tebow silenced all his critics who now believe in 3:16.

Life:  How do you spell self-involved? 

Beyonce had her baby girl and hoping to be discreet,

She took over Lenox Hospital, treating it like a hotel suite.

Her lucky number is 4 so she named the baby IVy Blue,

We think dIVa is also a name that she just might live up to.

NEW YEAR’S: THE TRIUMPH OF HOPE OVER EXPERIENCE

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

2011 was not a good year in our household.  This year some health issues, the death of a friend and the roller coaster stock market caught up with us.  And yet, here I sit on New Year’s Eve, convinced that 2012 is going to be a GREAT year.  I’ve polled a few of my friends and their sentiment is exactly the same – they all are looking forward to 2012 with great optimism and hope.

What is it about human nature that we completely suspend reality at the beginning of each year?  We forget that life’s road is bumpy and that each year brings some amount of problems and worries.  We forget that at our age, every doctor’s appointment holds the possibility of being a life-altering event.  And we forget that the world around us (especially in an election year) can be a very hard place to find comfort and joy.

We look at January 1 as a fresh beginning, the slate wiped clean of any problems, and only great possibilities spread out before us in the coming 12 months.  Granted, for those who face overwhelming health or personal issues this may not hold true, but most of us are in complete denial about potential pitfalls in the coming year.

Today we believe that all things are possible.  Today we believe that the new year will bring us contentment, good times and we will finally be able to discard our “fat clothes”.

So here’s to a wonderful 2012 to us all.  May your year be filled with good health and good times.  Happy New Year!!!!

Bolsheviks, Brats, Bowls and Books

Headlines: In Russia, You’re Free to Vote For The Only Person on the Ballot

After 12 years of Putin the Russian people are saying

The Prime Minister should be all done.

But it’s hard to elect someone new to the office

When only Kremlin-approved parties can run.

Money: Got Some Ungrateful Rug Rats This Christmas?

If your kids were not happy with their Christmas this year

And they think money still grows on trees,

You can tell them that you’ll fill their stocking again,

But you’ll charge them a re-stocking fee.

Sports: Bowled Over

The Poinsettia, the Little Caesar the Belk and the Pinstripe,

The Fiesta, the Music City, the Sun and the Insight.

The Potato, the Liberty, the Fight Hunger, the Alamo,

The Sugar, the Rose, the Outback the New Mexico.

Life: Tired of Bowls?  Try One of These Top Books

The Leftovers, Bossypants, Death Comes to Pemberly,

In The Garden of Beasts, Catherine the Great, 11/22/63.

Last Man in Tower and Just My Type,

To Be Sung Underwater and A Stolen Life.

May Your 2012 Be Happy & Healthy

Bob & Suzanne

Is Santa Claus Coming To Town?

If you haven’t read my sister’s post from Tuesday, you should; it captures the spirit of the season.  This post is more reflective of someone who’s been drinking the spirits of the season.  But the humor is a gift, as Suzanne mentioned, from our father, who always had a twinkle in his eye and something good to say about everyone.

By Bob Sparrow

The following questions about Christmas carols came into our mail bag this week and I thought I should share some of our answers with our readers.

Will I have a White Christmas?  No, it’s now politically incorrect to have a Christmas of white, black, brown, yellow, red or any other color attributed to human flesh.

Who wrote:

     Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow – Sammy Cahn wrote it as he boarded a plane in New York headed for Palm Springs.

     All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth – The first goalie for the New York Rangers

Did Santa really kiss mommy under the mistletoe last night?  Apparently there’s been something going on between Mommy and Santa for some time; do you wonder why at 9 years old you are over-weight and have a white beard?

What’s the meaning of Fa La La La La La La La La in Deck the Halls?  There’s an interesting history to this song, the Halls and their neighbors, the Kragmeyers were like the Hatfields and McCoys, always fighting.  The Kragmeyers actually created a disparaging song about the Halls that was filled with profanity; they sang it every Christmas with the intent of decking the Halls in a fight.  The music was so beautiful the song endured, but the ‘Fa La La’s’ were substituted for the original lyrics that would make a sailor blush.  That should put a smile on your face the next time you sing it.

How’s Grandma?  After being run over by reindeer several years back, she’s now up and around and feeling a little better since winning the reckless driving suit against Santa that paid her $3.4 million plus attorney’s fees.  She now resides in Palm Beach, Florida.

Did all the other reindeer really laugh and call Rudolph names until one foggy Christmas eve when he guided Santa’s sleigh with his bright red nose?  Really?

In the song, I’ll Be Home for Christmas, what do the lyrics ‘Christmas eve will find me where the love light gleams’ mean?   The reality is, it’s hardly a comforting song; the man singing it is in New Orleans at a business convention and away from his wife on Christmas eve, so tells her not to worry he’ll be in the red light district, where the ‘love light’ gleams, while she’s at home trying to explain to the kids exactly why daddy’s not home for Christmas.

Say, what was all the laughing about on that one-horse open sleigh?  The sleigh riders had actually stolen the sleigh and were having a hardy prankster’s laugh.  The truth is, however, they didn’t laugh all the way, the horse developed gas about midway through the trip and in an open sleigh that’s no laughing matter.

 What exactly where the 10 Lords-a-Leaping leaping about?  Have you seen how tight their leotards are?  They’re like a cheap hotel, no ballroom.  As long as that song is, you’d be leaping too if you had to wear tights through the whole thing.

Does Santa really have a list?  No, this veiled threat evolved from a misinterpretation of the original song; the actual lyrics made reference to Santa’s speech impediment saying, ‘He’s making a lisp’.

Is Santa Claus coming to town?  No, if you’d read my sister’s piece on this blog earlier in the week, you’d know that Santa never left town.

Thank you for following our blog

Have a great holiday season and a healthy and happy 2012

IT’S THE WEEKEND!

Just as a reminder, we post our news Monday through Friday. On the weekends we take time off from the pressure-packed world of news blogging to watch football.

Look for our first “holiday” post on Monday titled, “I’m Laboring over Unions”. This will be the first in a series of opinion pieces (rather than poems) that we will post on holidays and at other times as the mood or topic strike us.

Have a great weekend!