Can Sophomoric Humor Cure Writer’s Block?

  by Bob Sparrow

   Sometimes I have plenty of time to construct a decent blog on a subject that many people can relate to. Not so this week. Actually, I did have time, but sometimes no matter how much time I have, ‘writer’s block’ can make it difficult to say anything intelligently. This week I’ve ended up saying things not so intelligently. So, I’m offering this warning; if you have something better to do, which should be easy to find, do it!

Let’s begin with the pretext that you have someone on your Christmas list that is very difficult to buy something for, either because they already have everything or you’ve drawn a name in a ‘Secret Santa’ of a person you don’t really know or relate to. So, here’s some suggestions that center around what the Brits call the loo or water closet. When I think about it, there are lots of names for what we euphemistically call a bathroom, even though we’re hard pressed to find a bath in many bathrooms now-a-days. Other names include, restroom, where no one really go to rests; John, supposedly named after the guy who invented the flushed toilet; head, if you’re on a boat; privy, an abbreviation for private; outhouse, if it’s outside; toilet, from the French word toilette, referring to a cloth covering a dressing table (I don’t understand it either – it’s French!). Let’s not forget potty, for those who actually have a pot to piss in.

     OK, I think I went to see a man about a horse and forgot to come back. I seem to have forgotten that we’re here to highlight some gifts that keep on giving and could finalize that diverse Christmas list of yours. So here you go . . .  

  • These ‘Novelty Mugs’ in the form of portable out houses, will be a hit at your holiday party. The tops open to let the aroma of the drink inside fill the nostrils of the drinker.
  • If the Novelty Mugs seem a little crass for you, you can dignify your shot glasses by bringing them indoors with the ‘Gag Mugs’ – shot glassses that lets the liquid flow right out of the toilet into your mouth. Surely a hit at any holiday party.

Is that person on your list that’s so hard to buy for someone who likes to learn? If so, we’ve got just the thing, the book that Einstein always read while relaxing on the ‘thrown’, Poop and Learn.

For the golfers on your list who are bored when on the pot or just like when they’re playing golf, they take too much time over a putt – ‘Potty Putter’ may be the answer.

If after reading this, you’re feeling like you need a drink or a shower, you don’t have to decide, you can have both with The Shower Margarita Machine; yes, you can sip that tequila treat while taking a shower – salt optional.

I apologize for being a little blocked up this week (that’s ‘writer’s block’!!), but now that I’ve posted this, I feel relieved!

The obvious answer to the headline question: No!

THE GREAT THANKSGIVING WHIPPED CREAM BATTLE

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

So, here we are, the official beginning of the holiday season. This week a lot of you will be either cooking, traveling, or if you’re lucky like me, bringing a dish to a friend’s house. I have hosted a lot of Thanksgiving dinners over the years and I’m very happy to turn the reins over to others at this point. I even gave my turkey roaster away as a definitive gesture of my surrender. But I have held on to a lot of good memories and traditions associated with Turkey Day. One of my favorites is the year our family spent Thanksgiving in Tahoe City at Bob’s cabin. There was a lot of alcohol involved and by the time the pies were served Bob and I were well into our cups. Then someone made the fatal mistake of placing a heaping bowl of whipped cream in front of us and it was game on! We got into a whipped cream fight that almost sent our mother into apoplexy. We were a long way from our traditional Thanksgiving table filled with the best china and silver, finger bowls and sedated conversation. But boy, did we have fun and it created a memory that still makes me smile today.

I have been looking at Thanksgiving traditions and have found some fun and rather interesting facts to share.

First, in Indianapolis, people have started an annual tradition of dressing their turkey in a baby onesie, dousing it in lighter fluid, attaching it to a long chain, lighting it on fire, and throwing it across the length of a football field. This tradition was basically started by a bunch of dudes who wanted to see a flaming turkey streak through the night sky, and now, it’s an annual thing.

Continuing in that theme, at the University of Wisconsin-La Crosse, the most popular Thanksgiving tradition is an event called Frozen Turkey Bowling, where people hurl frozen, oiled-up turkeys down a grocery store aisle at a set of large 7Up bottles posing as bowling pins. The event raises money to combat smoking, which is an awesome reason to throw a frozen bird at a bunch of bowling pins. Not that they really need a reason – in 2022 the Wall Street Journal rated Wisconsin as the drunkest state.

Something you may not know is that Thanksgiving inspired (if you can use that word) the first TV dinner. In 1953, the folks at Swanson didn’t sell as many Thanksgiving turkeys as expected. In fact, they had 260 tons of unsold turkey on hand. Inspired by the meals served in trays on airplanes, one of the Swanson employees used the turkeys to create the world’s first TV dinners. They sold for 98 cents each. These ready-made meals were an immediate hit. Who among us doesn’t remember those gummy mashed potatoes and rock-hard peas? We thought it was such a treat!

Most of us eschew TV dinners these days because they’re viewed as unhealthy. But before you get on your “clean eating” high horse, remember that even though our Thanksgiving meal may come from Sprouts or Whole Foods, it still contains a ton of calories. The average American can consume anywhere between 2,100 and 4,500 calories during their Thanksgiving celebration. Unless you throw the whipped cream at your sibling – that saves a few calories right there.

Black Friday isn’t technically a holiday, although it has become so entwined with Thanksgiving that it seems like it is. But can we all admit that Black Friday is the worst invention ever? It’s basically just an excuse for people to wrestle in a Macy’s parking lot over a discounted Keurig. Like Mother’s Day and Valentines Day, Black Friday wasn’t even a thing until we decided it was and started camping out in front of Target to buy TVs at a slight discount.

I’ll tell you who else doesn’t like Black Friday – plumbers! You will not find them at any stores on Black Friday because it turns out that enough people clog their sinks and garbage disposals on Thanksgiving to make it the busiest day of the year for them. Personally, I think it also has to do with all that high-calorie food clogging up the plumbing in the bathroom, if you get my drift.

No matter how you celebrate or what you eat, my brother and I wish you and yours a very happy Thanksgiving. Go out and make some fun memories!

‘TIS A GOOD DAY TO BE IRISH

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

If you’re like millions of Americans, you will celebrate St. Patrick’s Day today by consuming some spirits in honor of the occasion.  Some of us are genuinely of Irish extraction but on St. Patrick’s Day everyone is Irish.  Simply donning a green hat or sporting shamrock underwear gives the wearer implicit permission to get toilet-hugging drunk.  There actually are a lot of Americans with Irish bloodlines – 37 million to be exact.  That’s 12% of the population, ranking just behind Germany in most frequently reported ancestry.  Heck, we have eight times the number of Irish than Ireland itself!   Which is probably as good an explanation as any as to why the holiday is so much more popular here than in Ireland.  Twenty-five years ago, my husband’s cousin from Scotland came to San Francisco on business and we met him for dinner near our workplaces.  Unfortunately, the only night he had available was St. Patrick’s Day and to further the problem, we worked right around the corner from Harrington’s Bar and Grill.   We met at a nearby restaurant that required our cousin to walk from his hotel right by Harrington’s front door.  Or as close to the front door as he could get.  There are a lot of Irish in San Francisco and they seemingly all gather at Harrington’s each year to celebrate the patron saint.  When he finally navigated his way to the restaurant he was wild-eyed and I think just the tiniest bit shell-shocked.  He stammered, “What is with you Americans and St. Patrick’s Day?”  Well, it turns out, we practically invented the holiday.

NYC St Patrick’s Day Parade

Since around the ninth or 10th century, people in Ireland have been observing the Roman Catholic feast of St. Patrick on March 17.  But the first parade held in honor of St. Patrick’s Day took place in the United States.  On March 17, 1762, Irish soldiers serving in the English military marched through New York City.  The parade, along with their native music, helped the soldiers reconnect with their Irish roots.  Over the next three decades numerous groups formed to celebrate Irish heritage, each sponsoring a parade on St. Patrick’s Day.  By the mid-1800s the groups combined forces into what is now known as the New York St. Patrick’s Day Parade, the largest in the country and the oldest civilian-sponsored parade in the world.

Of course, all that marching is exhausting so finding a good pub to quench one’s thirst became part of the day’s tradition.  Some people take pride in finding good Irish pubs wherever they go, regardless of the time of year.  In fact, although I won’t mention names, someone I’m related to that also writes for this blog fashions himself a connoisseur of Irish drinking establishments.  He is the only person I know who could trek all the way to Machu Picchu and find an authentic Irish pub in which to have a Guinness.  But he is far from alone.  What is this obsession so many have with the Irish?  I’ve read more than one article claiming the Irish are the most beloved ethnic group in the world.  Of course, part of that affection is tied to the “happy drunk” reputation, but in fact it goes further than that.  The Irish are deemed to be some of the most sentimental souls on Earth.  One need only read the famous Irish poets to understand the truth of that.  The Irish are also known worldwide for their sense of humor and dry wit.  Oscar Wilde, the noted Irish writer, filled our world with his bon mots.  One of my favorites is:  “It is absurd to divide people into good and bad.  People are either charming or tedious”. George Carlin was perhaps one of the funniest comedians ever with his wry observations of everyday life and Melissa McCarthy is a talented entertainer (come on, that bathroom scene in Bridesmaids is a classic!).  The Irish also have the ability to write lyrically and capture an audience, despite sometimes playing fast and loose with the facts.  One of my favorite sayings, told to me by an Irish friend who was wound-up in the middle of a fantastical yarn, is “never let the truth get in the way of a good story”.  My brother and I have at times adopted that as our motto.

There’s also the famous saying “Luck of the Irish”, although I have discovered that the phrase started as a derisive jab at the Irish immigrants who came to America in the late 1800’s.  It originated in the gold and silver mines to describe the Irish who found their “pot of gold” and became rich and successful.  The Irish were never given full credit for their accomplishments.  Instead, it was widely believed that the “Irish fools” had gained fortune only by sheer luck, as opposed to brains and hard work.  Our only full-blooded Irish ancestor, Julia Stack Billiou, came to America during this period. Her immigration gives our family claim to Irish heritage and provides cover for our love of good writing, a stout beer, and a strong Irish Coffee.  I call that lucky indeed!

SEALED WITH A KISS

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

For those of you who celebrate Valentine’s Day, consider this your public service announcement: You have 11 days to buy roses, obtain a significant piece of jewelry, or at the very least, pore over the Valentine’s Day cards at Walgreens and choose something appropriately mushy/sweet/funny. My favorite story about buying cards is the one about the couple who go into Walgreen’s, each selects a card they feel best expresses their sentiment, hands it to their spouse to read, and then puts it back on the rack and walks out of the store. Gets the message across and saves ten bucks!

Many people choose to sign Valentine’s Day cards, and all other forms of communication, with an “XO” near their signature. I recently read an article on the genesis of this habit that I thought was interesting, or at least appropriate for this holiday. The origins of “X” being associated with a kiss can be traced back to the Middle Ages. In an era when literacy rates were low and formal education was a rare privilege, people who couldn’t write would sign documents with an “X” instead of their name. When people signed with an “X,” it wasn’t merely a mark; it was a symbol that carried the weight of an oath. To validate their intentions and their “signature,” people were also known to kiss the “X”. How the letter “X” transitioned from a kiss in the name of sincerity to a kiss of romance or affection isn’t clear. Theories on its initial use range from a British naturalist to Winston Churchill. But the most likely explanation comes from Marcel Danesi, a professor of linguistics anthropology and author of The History of the Kiss! The Birth of Popular Culture. He wrote that as the Renaissance era saw an increase of secularism, and with the 18th-century rise of the concept of romantic love, the symbolic “X” gradually expanded beyond its initial utilitarian function to become a gesture of affection.

An easier explanation could simply be the shape of the letter — that it looks like a pair of puckered lips, assuming, of course, that the sender has not had an overabundance of filler. And as for the “O” that often accompanies the “X”, even less is known about its origins as a symbol for a hug. It’s been suggested that the letter simply looks like a pair of arms wrapped around someone else; however, as with “X,” there are other theories as well. Whatever their origins, I hope you have plenty of X’s and O’s coming your way this Valentine’s Day.

Before I close, I would be remiss in not mentioning the recent loss of one of our most dedicated and long-tenured subscribers, Pam Landon, who passed away unexpectedly last Monday. I met Pam in 1999 and despite many personal setbacks in recent years, she remained one of the most kind, funny and positive people I knew. Each week without fail she commented on Bob’s and my posts, usually with humor or a story about her own experiences. She especially loved being an armchair traveler with Bob. In her last comment to me on my post encouraging people to eat junk food she said, “I discretely nibbled on a chocolate chip cookie as I enjoyed this blog. Thanks, as always, for brightening my day.” Rest in peace, Pam. I know that you are brightening everyone’s day now and hopefully still nibbling on a cookie.

What’s Coming for You in 2025

by Bob Sparrow

Chinese New Year in Hong Kong

Your stomach, your liver and the bathroom scale are telling you the holidays are finally over, and that you can now focus on those New Year’s resolutions.  Not so fast – the Lunar New Year celebration starts on Wednesday!  You’ve probably heard of the Lunar New Year, but not sure exactly what it is, other than maybe having something to do with the moon.  Let me get you up to speed on this holiday celebrated in most Asian countries and communities.  Traditionally, the Lunar New Year holiday season begins with the arrival of the first new moon of the lunar calendar and ends 15 days later with the first full moon.  Yes, prepare yourself for a fortnight and a day of celebrating.  There goes my ‘Dry January’ . . . OK, I was never doing a Dry January.  Lunar New Year is a celebration that marks the beginning of the new year on the lunar calendar. It’s also known as the Spring Festival (although it’s not spring, even in China) or Chinese New Year.  The Lunar New Year is celebrated in most Asian countries and communities except Japan.  In Vietnam, it is called Tet, which translates into ‘Festival’.

You may have already heard that 2025 is the Year of the Snake, not just a snake, but a Wood-Snake.  On the surface, the year of the snake doesn’t sound too promising, but it can be.  The Snake symbolizes wisdom, good luck, prosperity, fertility, longevity, intuition and transformation while offering personal growth and change opportunities.  It’s also a good year for love and marriage but mediocre for health – avoid certain places (like hospitals, I guess) Hey, it can’t all be good!

Year of the Snake

Unlike zodiac signs that we’re familiar with that change approximately every 30 days during the course of a year, the Snake is the Chinese zodiac sign for everyone born this year and every year going back at 12-year intervals, like 2013, 2001, 1989, 1977, 1965, 1953, 1941, 1939, 1927 – I think that covers everyone except those readers who are 102+. The other Chinese zodiac animals are: Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Horse, Goat, Monkey, Rooster, Dog and Pig.  You’ll have to look up your birth year to determine the animal that you are and just what to expect this year.  Snakes, known for their wisdom and intuition, find luck with the colors black, red, and yellow. These colors enhance their natural insight and charm.  White and brown can bring bad luck, dulling their usually sharp instincts.  In the NFL Super Bowl race, the Washington Commanders’ colors are burgundy and gold, which is a lot like red and yellow . . . we’ll see.

The Chinese zodiac signs expected to experience excellent fortune this year include Ox, Dragon, Snake, Rat, and Rooster – are you one of those? These lucky Chinese zodiac signs can expect job advancements, financial gains, and personal growth

Where will AI go in 2025?

Oh yes, there’s more.  Twenty-twenty-five is a year for listening to each other’s needs and making the best endeavor to combine in a happy compromise, for to over assert your authority is to jeopardize your own stability.  A year of deception and uncertainty may not sound all that fun — but it does bring some positives, too. According to Astrology, some Zodiac signs have the opportunity to make huge financial gains in 2025 & these Zodiac signs are: TARUS, SCORPIO, CAPRICORN, PISCES, AQUARIUS & LEO.  According to experts, Sagittarius is the happiest sign of the zodiac, because it is ruled by the planet of happiness – Jupiter.  According to those who know this stuff, 2025 will be another year of massive change. AI, Robotics, space travel, and healthcare breakthroughs suggest that the possibilities of this new year are limitless.

Well, that’s it for now, I’ve got to set up my tarot card table.  I’d wish you all good luck this year, but I already know that you’re all going to make it one of your best years ever!  Party on!     

We Wish You a Merry Twixmas

by Bob Sparrow

Yes, here we are again at “Twixmas”, the week between Christmas and New Years, when I always find myself between “Mi Tu Phat” and “Yes, I’ll have another helping”.  I’m not sure who was in charge of setting up our holidays, but they should be fired!  The basic issue is that we’ve bundled three of our major holidays, where eating and drinking takes center stage, in the last five weeks of the year.  So, let’s see if we can reasonably move some of those special holidays around so it allows for proper celebration for each, without putting an undue strain on the stomach and liver.    

Let’s start with Thanksgiving, it is supposed to be a celebration of harvest in the fall, so let’s move it from the end of fall to the beginning of fall; after all, the first Thanksgiving was celebrated between September 21 and November 9 – so let’s move it back to the last Thursday in September.  Yes, I know Labor Day is around that time, but we can just move Labor Day maybe to sometime in August, a month that currently has no legal holidays.  Few are even sure what we’re celebrating on Labor Day, as we certainly don’t ‘labor’ that day, unless you’re having a baby.  How ever you celebrate it, it’s probably not a holiday where people stuff ourselves and are over-served, so let’s move it closer to Christmas.  

OK, with that settled, let’s move on.  Even though the exact date of Jesus’ birth is unknown, I think I’d get a lot of push back if I suggested moving Christmas from its’ December 25th date.  Although, as I look at the host of holidays in December – Immaculate Conception Day, Bodhi Day (Buddhist), Feast of Our Lady of Guadalupe Day (Patron Saint of Mexico), Hanukkah, it seems like everyone was trying to squeeze in a holiday before the end of the year, maybe it’s a year-end accounting thing.  But OK, let’s leave December for our religious holidays and annual write-offs.

So, we really need to get New Years further away from all the December festivities.  Most of the world uses the Gregorian calendar, but, for example a country like China, still keeps their holidays from their old calendar; so Chinese New Years starts on January 29 – the end of January is a big improvement over the last day of December.  As we look elsewhere, we see that the Jews were only slightly smarter than the Christians, holiday-wise, as Hanukkah moves around from November to December.  In Vietnam, Tet, the lunar new year, is celebrated this year for nine days at the end of January to the early part of February.  That’s getting better, although nine days of partying could be detrimental to ones health.  Islamic New Year is at the end of June!  Well played Muslins!

I know moving the holidays is a low priority on anyone’s agenda, or most likely not on the agenda at all, but perhaps when Trump is buying Greenland, taking back the Panama Canal and making Canada the 51st state, he could change a few holidays around to better suit our social life.  I’m not holding my breath. 

Suzanne and I wish you all a happy and healthy new year!

CHRISTMAS GRACE

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Once again, we come to the season of Christmas. The time when the world slows just a bit, when we stop to count our blessings and reflect on the passing of another year. We enter the season of Christmas grace. On Wednesday morning children all over the world will delight in the presents they receive; their belief in Santa reinforced and hopefully they also learn a bit about the reason for the holiday. Of course, as we age, our priorities shift. No Tiffany blue box or set of golf clubs can take the place of the present we appreciate most: the presence of the people we love. There is something almost magical in the gathering of close friends and family this time of year. The hugs always seem to last a bit longer and the laughter is just that much sweeter. And, of course, we miss the presence of those who are too far away to join in the festivities or who are no longer with us. I hope, like me, that if you are missing someone this year you have a reservoir of wonderful memories to draw upon.

I received a Christmas letter this year that contained an anonymous quote about Christmas grace that perfectly describes the uplifting spirit of the season. It says: “Christmas is an unexpected gift of grace; grace to conceive at this time and place, a new dream or plan, to overcome an old fear, to discover a new strength, to find a new friend, to live boldly and honor the changes that are happening, to care for my soul as well as those I love, to elevate the discourse around me with laughter and hope.”

My brothers and I are lucky that we have we had a wonderful upbringing, with a dad that was the epitome of Christmas grace. As is my custom each year, I am sharing his Christmas Ice Cream Fizz recipe to hopefully add a bit of cheer to your holiday celebration.

POP’S CHRISTMAS ICE CREAM FIZZ

Fill a blender 1/4 full of ice cubes

Add 6 jiggers of gin

Add 4 scoops of French Vanilla ice cream

Add 1 small bottle of soda water (the size you get in a 6-pack)

My brother Bob adds an egg, so the white adds some froth, brother Jack doesn’t add an egg.  Personally, I’d add it just because you can then claim it’s a protein drink.

Just blend it well and – voila – you have a concoction sure to put a positive spin on everyone and everything!

Our mom served them in a wine glass with a dash of nutmeg.  As we got older, we would conspire with Pop and ditch the wine glass for a chilled beer mug from the freezer. Saved having to go back for seconds…or thirds.

My brother and I wish all of our readers a very happy holiday season, blessed with all the presence you could ask for.

Your authors, Christmas 1972

A PERSONAL SALUTE

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson and Bob Sparrow

Grandpa, left, during WWII

Today, as the nation celebrates its veterans, we want to pay tribute to our grandfather, Lt. Colonel Neill Whitman, who was drafted into World War I and begged to get into World War II. We do not have much information about his early life; what little we do know is gleaned from his WWI draft card, completed by him in June 1917.  At the time he was 19 years old and working for Ford Motor Company in San Francisco as a machinist.  He never saw action overseas and toward the end of the war he was stationed in Georgia, where he met our future grandmother and where our mother was born.  After the war he returned to the Bay Area, where his wife promptly left him, and our mother, to return to her roots in the South.

Grandpa, on the left, at his new post

 

Fast forward 20 years – he married a woman named Marg and had two more children.  He established himself as a sought-after mechanic in Marin County, opening his own business in San Rafael, and then closed it to work at San Quentin prison. Years later, whenever we drove by San Quentin the family joke was, “Let’s go see our relatives”, which was alarming to the uninformed and probably started some good rumors.  When World War II broke out he desperately wanted to get back into the Army but was considered too old to re-enlist at age 46.  An old friend pulled some strings, and he was finally able to re-join the Army as a Captain. He was subsequently promoted to Major and by war’s end he was a Lieutenant Colonel.  In a stroke of genius, the Army actually put his skills to good use, giving him responsibility for a large motor base in Britain.  The base, Camp Northway, was located in Tewkesbury, a small town 11 miles north of Gloucestershire.  American forces first arrived in Tewkesbury in August 1942, where a large swath of tents was constructed. Officers were billeted into Northway House, which is where Grandpa lived.  The camp was instrumental in supplying the cars and trucks needed for the invasion of Europe. The townspeople gradually warmed to all of the Americans.  They hosted Thanksgiving celebrations and warmly welcomed the GI’s into their homes.  In turn, the GI’s hosted parties for the local children, raised money for British POW support, and organized large Christmas parties with food, Santa, and gifts for the locals.

Grandpa was very proud of the work the men performed and instilled that pride in the men.  In a letter home, written in 1944, he said, “Not once have these men missed a quota.  And I mean, not once, despite that meaning many long hours and seven-day work weeks.  They know that when the equipment leaves here everything possible has been done to give our troops what they need for the gigantic struggle going on in Europe.”

Grandpa, on the left, with Jack Dempsey

In the late spring of 1944, very quietly and without any mention of it in the local press, the American forces moved south, in preparation for D Day. Very few personnel were left at the camp, and, to some local people, it must have seemed that the camp had been abandoned.  However, Grandpa and most of his crew remained.  In fact, there were so many troops left in Tewkesbury that in the autumn of 1944 that they organized a series of football matches. Local people were curious to see how American football differed from soccer, but found the game easy enough to follow. One match, between the US Army and the US Navy, made the front page of the Tewkesbury Register and Gazette, particularly because it was attended by Commander Jack Dempsey, the famous American heavyweight boxing champion.  We are fortunate to have this photo of Grandpa welcoming Dempsey to the base, although he probably wasn’t too excited about the final score – Navy beat Army 12-0.

In the spring of 1945 Grandpa was sent to Paris to review some of the mechanical bases in the newly liberated city.  We have two of his letters that survive this period, and in them he noted some interesting observations.  The first was about how beautiful – and clean – Paris was.  Part of the beauty he described were the women – smartly dressed, hair perfectly coifed, and make-up applied to perfection.  I’m not sure how excited Marg was to read his rather enthusiastic description of the women, but he was a pretty straight arrow, so she probably just let it slide.

On a more serious note, he made the following comments about some of the Parisian merchants: “The Germans destroyed nothing in Paris.  They were well-behaved and did no looting.  They took over the currency when they occupied the city. It forced a synthetic boom, and all the merchants made lots of money.  True, it caused inflation and has made the French currency unstable, but the deflation did not come until the Germans were gone.  Now is the tough part of the deal, getting the money back where it belongs and, as the boom has stopped, the citizens of Paris are not so sure that we have done anything for them.  We are not heroes to a large part of the people.  In some places they even hate us, as we blew up their towns in our efforts to get the Germans out.  It is stupid reasoning, but nevertheless, it is like that.  The thinking class realize that it had to be done and are for us.” 

Grandpa at the Lodge in Oregon

Upon his return to England he waxed poetic about the English countryside and how happy he was to be “home”.  He even threw out the suggestion that Marg join him, as he would have been happy to spend another year in Tewkesbury.  Thankfully, not long after he wrote that letter the war was over and he returned to the Bay Area. But like many veterans, he sought a quieter life. By then all three children were grown and on their own, so he and Marg moved to Oregon.  Grandpa loved the outdoors and was able to fish and hunt to his heart’s content. They built a fishing lodge, called the Umpqua River Lodge, where they could host guests and show them the beauty of the area. Eventually, as they aged, running the Lodge became too burdensome and they returned to Marin County, where he built a home in the remote town of Inverness.  They both died in 1967 and are buried together in the Golden Gate National Cemetary.

Today we not only honor our grandfather and his contribution to a great cause, but to all veterans who have served our nation so nobly.

 

May You Be in Heaven . . .

AN HOUR BEFORE THE DEVIL KNOWS YOU’RE DEAD!

BY BOB SPARROW

I REALIZE I’M A DAY LATE (AT LEAST) AND A FEW EUROS OR POUND STERLINGS SHORT, BUT I CAN’T LET ST. PATRICK’S DAY PASS WITHOUT A TIP OF THE PADDY CAP TO THE IRISH. THIS BLOG IS WRITTEN IN LARGE BOLD LETTERS, AS IT’S THE WEEK AFTER ST. PATRICK’S DAY AND I KNOW SOME OF OUR FOLLOWERS’ HEADS MAY BE SOMEWHAT FOGGY FROM A BIT TOO MUCH OF THE ‘GARGLE’.  I’LL TRY TO KEEP IT SHORT FOR YOU.   

WHILE I DON’T SUPPOSE ANY OF YOU ARE THE LEAST BIT INTERESTED IN THE HISTORY OF ST. PATRICK’S DAY, SINCE IT PASSED LAST SUNDAY, I’M GOING TO GIVE  IT TO YOU ANYWAY, AS MY OWN BRAIN IS A BIT FUZZY.  THE MAN FOR WHO ST. PATRICK’S DAY IS NAMED, WAS BORN INTO AN ARISTOCRATIC FAMILY IN ROMAN BRITAIN AROUND THE END OF THE FOURTH CENTURY, AND AS A TEENAGER WAS KIDNAPPED BY IRISH PIRATES AND TAKEN TO IRELAND WHERE HE WAS A SLAVE FOR A NUMBER OF YEARS.  HE EVENTUALLY ESCAPTED AND ENDED UP RETURNING LATER AS A MISSIONARY COVERTING THE RESIDENCE THERE TO CHRISTIANITY.  HE DIED ON MARCH 17 AND THAT BECAME A HOLY DAY FOR THE CATHOLICS. 

SO IT STARTED AS A VERY SOLEMN CELEBRATION, BUT WHEN IT CAME TO AMERICA IN THE 1760S, THE IRISH SOLDIERS SERVING HERE IN THE BRITISH MILITARY, HAD A PARADE . . . AND NO DOUBT HAD A COUPLE OF COLD ONES, MAYBE MORE THAN A COUPLE!  BUT IT WASN’T UNTIL THE 1970s THAT PUBS IN IRELAND, WHICH WERE PREVIOUSLY CLOSED TO CELEBRATE ST. PATRICK DAY, BEGAN TO OPEN UP AND CELEBRATE WITH A PINT OR TWO.  LEAVE IT TO THE AMERICANS TO TAKE A SOLUMN RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY AND TURN IT INTO A DRUNK-FEST.

I AM ONE OF 35 MILLION AMERICANS WHO CLAIM TO HAVE IRISH IN THEIR HERITAGE – 11% ACCORDING TO ANCESTRY, AND I’M 57% ENGLISH & NORTHWEST EUROPE (I’M THINKING MOSTLY NORTHERN IRELAND!)  SO, ON ST. PATTY’S DAY I FIXED MYSELF AN ‘IRISH CAR BOMB’, OOPS, NOT SUPPOSE TO CALL IT THAT ANY MORE, THAT’S POLITICALLY INCORRECT, IT’S NOW CALLED A ‘IRISH SHOT’.  SURE, I’LL GIVE YOU THE RECIPE: PUT 1/2 OZ OF IRISH WHISKEY AND 1/2 OZ OF BAILEYS IRISH CREAM IN A SHOT GLASS AND DROP IT IN A PINT OF GUINNESS BEER.  SHIVER ME TIMBERS!

A FEW, SOMEWHAT INTERESTING FACTS, ABOUT IRELAND AND THE IRISH . . .

  • IN 1921, THE IRISH SUCCESSFULLY FOUGHT FOR INDEPENDENCE AND IRELAND WAS PATITIONED INTO TWO COUNTRIES: THE IRISH FREE STATE, WHICH WAS ALMOST ENTIRELY CATHOLIC, AND THE SMALLER NORTHERN IRELAND, WHICH WAS MOSTLY PROTESTANT.

 

  • ‘THE TROUBLES’, LASTING FROM 1968 – 1998, WAS THE NAME FOR THE VIOLENT SECTARIAN CONFLICT BETWEEM IRELAND AND NORTHERN IRELAND; IT IS OFTEN THOUGHT OF AS A RELIGIOUS WAR, BUT IT WAS REALLY THE FIGHT OVER WHO CONTROLED NORTHERN IRELAND, THE IRISH (MOSTLY CATHOLICS) OR THE ENGLISH (MOSTLY PROTESTANTS).

 

  • THE ENTIRE COUNTRY OF IRELAND ONLY HAS A LITTLE OVER 5 MILLION PEOPLE.  AS A REFERENCE, NEW YORK CITY ALONE HAS A POPULATION OF OVER 8 MILLION. BUT DESPITE ITS SIZE, IT HAS A HUGE PERSONALITY – THEY LOVE TO SING, DANCE, FIGHT, DRINK AND DRINK SOME MORE.

An Irish Toast

  • LUCK OF THE IRISH – THE PHRASE ACTUALLY CAME FROM THE CALIFORNIA GOLD & SILVER RUSH, THE IRISH SEEMED TO BE ABLE TO FIND THESE ORES BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE.  THE RARE FOUR-LEAF CLOVER IS CONSIDERED TO BE LUCKY AS IS CAPTURING A LEPRECHAUN, AS THEY ARE TYPICALLY ACCOMPANIED BY POTS OF GOLD AND RAINBOWS.  OK, NOW I THINK IT’S THE IRISH WHISKEY TALKING! 

 

  • KISS THE BLARNEY STONE – YOU’LL SUPPOSEDLY RECEIVE THE POWER TO PERSUADE IF YOU KISS THE STONE OUTSIDE THE BLARNEY CASTLE IN IRELAND.

 

  • THE CURRENCY IN THE REPUBLIC OF IRELAND IS THE EURO, WHILE NORTHERN IRELAND USES THE POUND STERLING.

 

  • AN IRISH GOODBYE IS MAKING A SNEAKY EXIT FROM A GATHERING WITHOUT SAYING GOODBYE FIRST.  AND SPEAKING OF GOODBYES, IT’S MY TIME FOR ME TO DO SO, AND I LEAVE YOU WITH ‘SLAN LEAT’IRISH FOR “GOODBYE AND GOOD HEALTH.”

ERIN GO BRAUGH, WHICH IS GALIC FOR ‘IRELAND FOREVER’.  AND OF COURSE THERE IS ‘ERIN GO BRAUGH-LESS’, BUT THAT’S A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER BLOG. 

 

    

 

 

 

 

Those Pesky Resolutions

by Bob Sparrow

Definition of New Year’s Resolutions:

A tradition where people set goals or intentions for self-improvement, aiming to bring about positive changes in various areas such as health, relationships, habits, career, personal development, or lifestyle choices.

But you and I both know what the real definition of ‘New Year’s resolutions’ is:

A list of improvements that your spouse has reminded you of, multiple times, that are both created and then forgotten during the first several weeks of the year. 

Yes, this is the time of year when we like to think we have some control over our future and so we set goals to be a better version of ourselves going forward.  For most of us, the die has been cast long ago and there’s little we can do about it now, but hey, I don’t want to start the year on a downer, so let’s talk about your resolutions.

What?! You’ve made no resolutions!  Then you’re probably wiser than most as Forbes Health/One says 91% of Americans fail at their New Year’s resolutions.  So, yes, it’s probably best that you didn’t commit to successfully juice cleansing again this year.

But, we here at From a Birds’ Eye View are here to help, so in the off-chance that you made some resolutions, here are some tips for either adjusting, adding to, or eliminating them altogether.

Lose weight – it’s always at the top of your list, and I want to get this one out of the way early, because you’re getting older and most likely more sedentary, absent a limb amputation, at this time next year, you’re going to weigh about the same, maybe a few pounds more – deal with it.

 Cut down on alcohol consumption – try ‘Dry January __’ – Notice I left a space at the end of ‘January’ so you can later put in a number like 8th, and thus achieve your goal by not drinking on January 8th.

Conserve water – instead of shortening your showers, eliminate them altogether – buy more deodorant

Increase antioxidants – You may not fully understand what antioxidants are or what they do, but you know you should be increasing them since they protect your body from the damaging effects of free radicals.  So . . . eat more dark chocolate.

Greet friends like your dog greets you – Commit to greeting your friends with the enthusiasm that your dog greets you when you first get home; but without humping their legs

Increase mental acuity – This year, think of another password other than ‘Password’

Drink more water – Don’t forget that beer is mostly water

OK, how about some real advice for achieving those pesky resolutions:

  1. You’ll make some tough goals, but also make some that you’ll enjoy
  2. Don’t just set the goal, define how you are going to achieve it. Most of us want to eat better – describe exactly what that means
  3. Rather than adding things you’ll do, look for things to subtract from your life that would improve it
  4. Forgive your failures and celebrate your small successes

Again, just as an aid, here’s an example of a nice short list of resolutions:

  1. Stop making lists

B. Be more consistent

4. Learn to count

Happiest of New Years to you and your family!