Parlays and Teases and Over-Unders, Oh My!

by Bob Sparrow

An early Saturday morning wake-up was the start of a road trip across the vast desert to an out-of-the-way inland river port. The Mojave Desert stretched in front of us and once off the beaten path, it was so desolate that it was as if we were driving on the lunar surface, although I’m not really sure what driving on the lunar surface is like. All I know is that there were miles and miles of nothing buy miles and miles. Our destination is a small town named after the man who created it in 1964 – not that long ago, said the old man. It’s officially fall in the rest of the country, but someone forgot to flip the calendar page here in Laughlin; instead they flipped the ‘on’ switch to a blast furnace – it’s 104. But it’s a dry heat!

The trip to the ‘Casino on the Colorado’ was to meet up with brother, Jack and his wife, Sharon, who were flown in and put up by Harrah’s – so in gambler’s vernacular they are ‘Whales’, so I will watch them closely to see what they do and how they gamble, because no one has ever paid airfare and lodging for me anywhere. I take that back, there was that free night in jail when . . . oh, never mind, I guess that wasn’t free. I digress.

Typically confused Sparrow Bros. clients

The real purpose of driving on the moon or maybe it was more like driving on Mercury with that 104-degree temperature, but truth be told, I also don’t know what it’s like to drive on Mercury either, was to gamble. More specifically our goal was to try to affirm our alacrity in and governance of the betting on college football games, for which ‘The Sparrow Brothers School of Fine Football Forecasting’ was created. We think because we combined to play and/or coach football for a total of 23+ years, that we know how to bet football . . . we don’t.

In the last few years we’ve either bet or ‘mock’ bet on college football games, with less-than-stellar results, but this year we developed a ‘system’ that has worked with ‘mock money’ so now we’re anxious to try it with real money!  I could spend some time here discussing the ins and outs of parleys, teases, over-unders and other terms not typically known by the lay person, but I think it would just confuse you, it did me!

I posted the following bets here on Friday so you wouldn’t think I put them in after the fact. I think the results will affirm that (our selections are underlined)).

Bet:       Ohio State over Penn State giving 3.5 points, parlayed to

Oregon over Cal giving 2.5 points

Result: Ohio State won, but didn’t cover, Oregon won and covered; bet lost.

Bet:   USC over Arizona giving 3 points, parlayed to

Stanford over Notre Dame getting 3.5 points

Result: USC won and covered, Stanford lost by more than 3.5; bet lost.

Bet:   Washington St. over Utah giving 1.5 points, parlayed to

Nebraska over Purdue getting 3.5 points

Result: Wash St. beat Utah and covered, Purdue beat Nebraska by more than 3.5; bet lost.

Bet: Texas over Kansas State giving 9 points parlayed to Wyoming over Boise State getting 16.5

Result: Texas won but didn’t cover, Boise St. beat Wyo by more than 16.5; bet lost.

Yes, you’re reading this correctly, we lost every bet! So we decided to bring our ‘expertise’ to the pro games on Sunday.

I won’t go through the painful details of Sunday, which looked a lot like Saturday – here’s a good indication of how our Sunday went – we bet on Carolina, who had a bye and Bye won by 2 touchdowns!  It’s a good thing we had the U.S. in the Ryder Cup.

The Sparrow Bros. School of Fine Football Forecasting has since filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy and will be closing their doors for the season and will be open next year under a different name, for the beginning of the Bangladesh Women’s Lacrosse season. Stay tuned!

 

6 comments on “Parlays and Teases and Over-Unders, Oh My!

  1. Every bet made with the books in Vegas has lost. Now I just bet horses. Very few winners from the horses also. Vegas has become a rip off. Food out of site,pay to park, and resort fees. They are hurting. Laughlin the best value. Golf is good and pretty close. Gary L.

  2. Well-done, Bob. You had me roaring the whole time. Even Bye beat you guys. Classic! Reminds me a little of the night in Vegas where that one Blackjack “expert” decided he could take cards whenever he felt like it, and drove all the good players away from the table. “He” had a system too.

    • Thanks! That ‘guy’ did have a system, but as I recall, while it gave him the table to himself, he made money on it, which is what it’s all about!! Good to hear from you, hope all is well with the Berkelbachs.

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