by Bob Sparrow
“When you lose your power to laugh, you lose your power to think straight.” Inherit the Wind
I am not an immunologist or a doctor of any kind, I’m not a health worker of any kind either, and have really done nothing to help get us through this pandemic, except get my shots, which was mostly helping me. So, I felt worthless in terms of my contribution to society, until I read Karine Bengualid’s article on Copyhackers about the power of laughter during the pandemic; I quote:
‘Humor offers certain emotional and mental benefits, such as establishing relationships, relieving anxiety, releasing anger in a socially acceptable way, decreasing depression and loneliness and increasing self-esteem, as well as physical benefits like increasing pain tolerance, improving respiration and breathing and exercising facial, abdominal and chest muscles, leading to reduced muscle tension. Humor can undo physical effects of negative emotions like fear, anger or sadness’.
So, as my contribution to this whole ‘thing’ going on, I’m sharing what I think are humorous quotes and cartoons about the pandemic as well as some observations about life today.
- A teardrop tattoo means you killed someone in prison, a toilet paper tattoo means you killed someone at Costco
- Q: Did you get your two shots? A: Yes Q: Pfizer or Moderna? A: Whiskey & Tequila
Half of us . . .
- Half of us are going to come out the pandemic as amazing cooks, the other half with a drinking problem. There is no in between
- Half of us are going to use this time to focus on improving ourselves through meditation and getting into great shape, and half of us will have more ice cream after we finish the pizza and beer
- Half of our recycling bins will return to normal use and half will still be overflowing with empty wine bottles
- Regarding our bathroom habits, half will get back to normal and half will continue to horde toilet paper
- Regarding our morning routine, half will get up, shower and go to work and half will wear a nice jacket and matching underwear to work
- Half will go back to drinking Corona beer and half will never drink that beverage that caused this awful pandemic
Feeling better yet?
- My husband purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands—that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.” Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge.
- After years of wanting to thoroughly clean my house but lacking the time, this year I discovered that wasn’t the reason.
- Every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well.
- Being quarantined with a talkative child is like having an insane parrot glued to your shoulder
- I finished Netflix today
- Day 121 at home and the dog is looking at me like, “See? This is why I chew the furniture!”
- 30 days hath September, April, June, and November, all the rest have 31, except for March which was infinite.
I’m putting a drink in every room in my house and calling it a pub crawl
Abort, abort abort! Re-route to 1999 when all we had to worry about was cheesy boy bands!
You know things are different when you work at a bank and two guys with masks come in, but they’re just robbing the place
Hope you got a few chuckles; it’s OK if you didn’t, I’m still going to feel like I contributed something to getting through the pandemic!
By Suzanne Sparrow Watson
News about the corona virus gets scarier by the day. More cases, more deaths and more quarantined people. The experts are saying that warmer weather in the Spring should contain the virus but, Puxatony Phil aside, we’re still several weeks away from cherry blossoms and daffodils. I know people here in Scottsdale that didn’t go to the Phoenix Open for fear of contracting the disease given the massive crowds. Personally, I think there is enough alcohol consumed at the event that germs don’t stand a chance of surviving. Still…you never know where it might appear.
As a bona fide germaphobe I have to admit that I’m a bit extra cautious these days – there is an epidemic of the regular flu going around that has made people sick for weeks. I keep a container of Purell in the door pocket of my car so that I can wipe it on my hands whenever I’ve touched anything in public. I grab an antiseptic wipe when I enter the grocery store, not only to wipe down the cart handle, but also to cover my finger with it when I punch in my phone number at the check-out counter. I’d rather have my kidneys explode than touch a door handle in a public restroom. I don’t even use the pen they provide in a restaurant or doctor’s office to sign anything – I have my own pen at the ready, sterilized and untouched by the masses. More and more I frequent places where I can use my Apple Pay so I don’t have to touch anything. Okay, I know that I can be a bit over the top. At Walgreen’s the other day a woman in front of me was watery-eyed and coughing into her hand, and then used the keypad to punch in her number as she paid her bill. As I approached the counter the clerk asked me brightly if I would like to put my number in. That garnered her my five minute rant questioning how a drug store that is full of sick people with the latest flu, asks people to put their hands on something that those same sick people have touched. She told me that they do wipe down the keypads several times a day. I rolled my eyes. Clearly the powers that be at Walgreen’s need to teach their employees about how germs get spread. Maybe I could consult.
In any event, I think most people agree that avoiding the flu, and particularly the corona virus, requires a good immune system. Eating berries of any sort is highly recommended and in particular the elderberry. At first I thought that might be a berry for old people but, turns out, it’s been the basis of moonshine and cough syrup for generations. It was even featured in the movie Arsenic and Old Lace where the aunts used it in their deadly pursuits. Aunt Martha gave the recipe: “For a gallon of elderberry wine, I take one teaspoon full of arsenic, then add half a teaspoon full of strychnine, and then just a pinch of cyanide.” Hmmmm…that might be going a bit too far. A friend recently went to Mexico and her doctor told her to chug Elderberry Syrup before, during, and after her trip. A few of her travel companions had the flu but my friend sailed through in fine fashion. I found Sambucol Elderberry Syrup at Costco. It claims to improve the immune system as well as assist heart health and allergies. I just started taking it last week but so far I don’t have the flu, haven’t had a heart attack and my allergies actually are better.
I’ll keep you posted. After all this if I come down with the flu I guess the joke’s on me. Plus, it could screw up my consulting job at Walgreen’s.