Those Pesky Resolutions

by Bob Sparrow

Definition of New Year’s Resolutions:

A tradition where people set goals or intentions for self-improvement, aiming to bring about positive changes in various areas such as health, relationships, habits, career, personal development, or lifestyle choices.

But you and I both know what the real definition of ‘New Year’s resolutions’ is:

A list of improvements that your spouse has reminded you of, multiple times, that are both created and then forgotten during the first several weeks of the year. 

Yes, this is the time of year when we like to think we have some control over our future and so we set goals to be a better version of ourselves going forward.  For most of us, the die has been cast long ago and there’s little we can do about it now, but hey, I don’t want to start the year on a downer, so let’s talk about your resolutions.

What?! You’ve made no resolutions!  Then you’re probably wiser than most as Forbes Health/One says 91% of Americans fail at their New Year’s resolutions.  So, yes, it’s probably best that you didn’t commit to successfully juice cleansing again this year.

But, we here at From a Birds’ Eye View are here to help, so in the off-chance that you made some resolutions, here are some tips for either adjusting, adding to, or eliminating them altogether.

Lose weight – it’s always at the top of your list, and I want to get this one out of the way early, because you’re getting older and most likely more sedentary, absent a limb amputation, at this time next year, you’re going to weigh about the same, maybe a few pounds more – deal with it.

 Cut down on alcohol consumption – try ‘Dry January __’ – Notice I left a space at the end of ‘January’ so you can later put in a number like 8th, and thus achieve your goal by not drinking on January 8th.

Conserve water – instead of shortening your showers, eliminate them altogether – buy more deodorant

Increase antioxidants – You may not fully understand what antioxidants are or what they do, but you know you should be increasing them since they protect your body from the damaging effects of free radicals.  So . . . eat more dark chocolate.

Greet friends like your dog greets you – Commit to greeting your friends with the enthusiasm that your dog greets you when you first get home; but without humping their legs

Increase mental acuity – This year, think of another password other than ‘Password’

Drink more water – Don’t forget that beer is mostly water

OK, how about some real advice for achieving those pesky resolutions:

  1. You’ll make some tough goals, but also make some that you’ll enjoy
  2. Don’t just set the goal, define how you are going to achieve it. Most of us want to eat better – describe exactly what that means
  3. Rather than adding things you’ll do, look for things to subtract from your life that would improve it
  4. Forgive your failures and celebrate your small successes

Again, just as an aid, here’s an example of a nice short list of resolutions:

  1. Stop making lists

B. Be more consistent

4. Learn to count

Happiest of New Years to you and your family!