Tag Archives: humorous stress management techniques

Posted in opinion

ONE DAY MORE

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

The musical, Les Misérables, features one of my favorite songs, “One Day More”. It’s a stirring song at the end of the first act, where everyone comes together anticipating one more day until their varied futures unfold.  Kind of like us, today, where we are just waiting one more day until this interminable election is over.  Until then, all we can do is find something to occupy our thoughts and minds. To help in that endeavor, and perhaps bring some much-needed levity, today I’m offering up some humorous thoughts in an attempt to bring a smile to your face and perhaps lighten your spirits.

  • Stressed spelled backward is desserts. Coincidence? I think not. Especially if it’s cake.
  • My boss told me to have a good day, so I didn’t go to work.
  • My goal this weekend is to move just enough so no one thinks I’m dead. This is especially true during college football season.
  • Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are.
  • I used to be a people person until people ruined it.
  • I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done. That’s a huge accomplishment.
  • If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.
  • I’ve got 99 problems, and 86 of them are completely made-up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.
  • Some days, the best thing about the job is that the chair spins.
  • God put me on this earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.
  • If each day is a gift, I would love to know where I can return my Mondays.
  • All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.
  • Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.
  • And for this election season: I’m not arguing; I’m just explaining why I’m right.

In addition to humor, I read that we should read a book while waiting for election results to come in.  Hopefully it won’t take reading War and Peace to get to the conclusion of this craziness.  My fervent wish is that by the end of the week we’re focusing on coming together and instead of politics we spend our time estimating just how much pumpkin pie we can consume on Thanksgiving without going into a food coma.

 

Posted in opinion

TIPS FOR STRESSFUL TIMES

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Two years ago, on March 17th, 2020, I was at a dinner party with five friends.  COVID, or as we said at the time, “a new flu”, had just started to take hold in the U.S.  One friend asked, “What do you think we’ll be saying about this flu in two weeks?”  We all agreed that it would peak and that by the end of the month things would be back to normal.  Turns out that we were only off by two years.  It’s been a stressful two years: important family gatherings were missed, friends died, and, in general, people became crabbier.  A couple of weeks ago, just when life seemed to be back to normal, Putin decided to invade Ukraine.  So now we wake each day wondering if World War III started while we slumbered. The images and stories coming out of Ukraine are horrifying.

We’ve all been through a lot, so I thought this week I would offer some stress management advice and, hopefully, bring you a chuckle or two.  God knows we need it.

Stress Management Tips for 2022:

Stop being on time.  The more you care about being late, the more you stress.  So stop caring.  If you lose your job, so much the better.  Jobs are stressful.

Drink alcohol.  You can’t stress about stuff if you’re drunk.  So go ahead and grab that bottle of tequila and drink away.  Aim for being inebriated 60% of your waking hours.

Yell at people who don’t deserve it.  If you have followed step 2, this should come pretty easily.  Never take responsibility for being a jerk.  Accountability only makes you more anxious.

Pare down your possessions. This is essential.  You no longer have a job and you have an alcohol addiction to support.  See if you can fit all of your belongings in a backpack.

Spend more time outdoors.  Without any means of income, this is good preparation for your future living arrangement.  You are mere steps away from living under an overpass.  You will alleviate any pressure to work or pay rent.

Make new friends.  Ask strangers for their spare change.  By now you have no job, no house and your tequila is running low.  You’d be surprised how many people will throw a dollar bill your way.  Hold up a sign that says, “Need money for gas” and you might double your income.

Finally, if all else fails, I have two tips.  First, eat cake.  Yes, that is my remedy for every problem, but there is nothing like a good sugar high to make you feel better.  Second, learn to handle stress like a dog: if you can’t eat it or play with it, pee on it and walk away.

My prediction is that in two weeks the world will have calmed a bit.  I hope I’m a lot more accurate this time.