Make Room Mt. Rushmore?

by Bob Sparrow


“My lips are sealed”

This week we will, or already have, decided who will be our next president, or perhaps more accurately, decided who we want to keep from being our next president. In a desperate move to help us all to feel better about our new president-elect, I thought I would look at the ‘character’ of some of our past presidents, who had the huge advantage of not living in this era of ‘social media’ where everyone carries a camera and bad news travels at the warp speed of the Internet.

  • As it turns out our founding fathers weren’t without their flaws, both Washington and Jefferson owned slaves, in fact Jefferson was more than a groper, he fathered six children with slave, Sally Hemings – that would have been a little difficult to keep off the TMZ network today!
  • Lincoln, who is often revered as our best president, seemed to think of himself above the law as he single-handedly suspended habeas corpus (the principle that someone under arrest can’t be held for long without being brought before a judge), shut down opposition newspapers and jailed their editors, conspired to establish a

    Teddy the Elephant Killer

    military government in Washington DC and used military force to keep the Maryland legislature from meeting so that it couldn’t vote on secession.  I suspect that WikiLeaks would have had a field day with old ‘Honest Abe’.

  • Teddy Roosevelt’s lust was of a different sort, he lusted for war. His imperialism and racism can be summed up with the following quote from him, “All the great masterful races have been fighting races,” he claimed. To fellow Anglo-Saxons, he said, “It is wholly impossible to avoid conflicts with the weaker races,” and added, “The most ultimately righteous of all wars is a war with savages.” I’m guessing that Hitler was a big fan of Teddy.

OK, that takes care of Mt. Rushmore, but there is plenty more . . .

  • Benjamin Franklin was careless with secretive documents that ended up in the hands of the enemy – a British

    Lying Franklin

    secret agent. But he swore that those documents only contained information about how he was going to fly a kite to invent electricity and Chelsea’s wedding.

  • Franklin D. Roosevelt was known to lie a lot (What? A politician lying!!!) He was in terrible health, which he kept from the public, he was said to have liked Stalin too much and he had Soviet spies in his cabinet and didn’t really care, family members enriched themselves by his being in office, the New Deal actually slowed the recovery from the Great Depression and, among other things, he was accused of trying to seize control of the Supreme Court. Gosh, he could easily get elected today!
  • The list of sleazy presidents is too long for this blog, but here’s a few of the all-stars:
    • John Tyler – fathered 15 children with two different wives and had several more with his slaves; in November 1836 he became the Whig’s party president ‘erect’.
    • Andrew Jackson invited prostitutes to the White House Christmas party – I’m sure he just wanted to make sure that there were plenty of Ho Ho Hos to go around!
    • clintonlewinski

      Bill & Monica

      While Jack Kennedy and Bill Clinton are considered modern history’s best-know presidential horn-dogs, Lyndon Johnson,  who called his naughty bits ‘Jumbo’, was worse than either of them.  Both Grover Cleveland and Warren Harding were also known to have a number of dalliances while in the ‘oval orifice’.


      Marilyn & Jack

    • It is well known that FDR and Eisenhower (at least while a general in the army if not while president) had mistresses while serving in ‘pubic’ life.

There’s more, lots more, but I think you get the point. So while you may think that we’ve reached new lows with this year’s two candidates, it’s actually just politics as usual, so we’ll be just fine. There now, don’t you feel better? Yeah, me neither!

Even if this didn’t make you feel better, why not SHARE it, maybe it will help a friend with pre or post-election blues.

Jackson Hole Dilemma: Should I Call Sandra Bullock?

by Bob Sparrow

snake river

Rafters on Snake River

It was my favorite kind of flight from Long Beach to Salt Lake – uneventful. Back to Long Beach for a moment; for those who might be looking to fly into Southern California and find LAX too busy and Orange County too expensive, try Long Beach Airport, it’s a great little airport half way between the two. OK, enough of the travel tips. Mark & Kathy picked us up in Salt Lake and we took the ‘long way’ (Hwy 89) to Jackson Hole, Wyoming which is what I would recommend for anyone making that trip unless you love driving on Interstate freeways. OK, that’s my last travel tip.  Highway 89 is resplendent with spectacular scenery through Logan Canyon, Bear Lake and along the Snake River into Jackson Hole.


cowboy 2

Where Sandra and I met

I had last been to Jackson Hole some 44 years ago . . . it’s changed a bit, me too. The town is built around the ‘Town Square’ (When I was last here the Town Square, was the town), and is filled with outdoorsy and cowboy kinds of shops – if you’re looking for a cowboy hat, this is the place!  It is apparently not the place for fine dining, unless you consider Buffalo Burgers gourmet. But we managed to secure a second story balcony table at the Town Square Tavern that afforded us a panoramic view of the Town Square where we enjoyed a nice dinner as a beautiful evening settled over the town.

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Sandra, on a rare occasion when she wasn’t looking at me

It was apparent from outward appearances that ‘The Million Dollar Cowboy Bar’ was ‘the’ place to be after 9:00 p.m. in Jackson Hole, and this seemed like the perfect spot for Linda to keep her promise to several lady work colleagues to bring them back a cowboy.  We headed there after dinner and had just settled into a table next to the dance floor when the band was playing and when a group of eight young ladies came in and took the table next to us. After way too long a wait without a drink, the server came over to us and apologized and said that she had to take care of the ladies next to us first as the group included Sandra Bullock and comedienne Chelsea Handler. She told us not to look over there, which we did.  I looked straight at Sandra Bullock, who was sitting no more than 10 feet from me and she was looking straight back at me, smiling. I smiled back and looked away, as did she. For the next 30 minutes or so I tried to stay engaged in our table’s conversation, but I was unnerved as every time I looked over Sandra’s way, she was looking at me. At one point I thought she kind of motioned me to ask her to dance, but I wasn’t certain and when I told Linda she reminded me that I didn’t know how to do those ‘western dances’; which had never stopped me in the past, but I acquiesced . After about 30 minutes, Sandra and her group finished their drinks and got up to leave. I swear that as Sandra was leaving she put her thumb to her ear, her little finger to her lips and mouthed, “Call me.” I obviously was flattered, but of course didn’t have her number and wondered if she was going to leave it with the hostess to bring over to me later.


Chelsea, who never looked at me

OK, none of this really happened except the part that Sandra Bullock and Chelsea Handler came in and sat at the table next to us; my imagination sort of took over from there. I did manage to sneak this picture of Ms Bullock and will be calling TMZ later to see if they want to buy it.

Stay tuned.