A Story, the Dollars, and the Numbers of a Not-So-Super Super Bowl

by Bob Sparrow

If you thought Sunday’s rather boring game was about football, you’ve got another think coming. The game should be called Super Buck instead of Super Bowl.  Super Bore might be a better name for Sunday’s game. The ads and who’s in the stands and maybe the halftime show were more entertaining than the game. So lets talk about the money, who’s watching, and then a story about a long-forgotten Super Bowl hero.

Show Me the Money

  • The lowest Super Bowl ticket was priced at $4,750 and the most expensive at $17,842, NOT INCLUDING FEES!
  • The last ten 30 second ads average $7m sold by Fox, and reached a record $8,000,000
  • With last year’s Super Bowl going into overtime, it was estimated that CBS earned $695 million in ad revenue for that one game!
  • Tom Brady, who never fails to mention that he played in 10 Super Bowls, won 7, and this year appeared in his first as an announcer, has a 10-year contract worth $375 million!  He’s way overpaid, in my opinion.
  • By hosting the Super Bowl, New Orleans received an economic boost of over $500 million
  • Each winning team member will take home $164,000, the losers will have to get by for the day on $89,000
  • According to SB Nation, the league finally gave up its tax-exempt status in 2015, after over 70 years of being on the books as a “nonprofit.” Really??!!!

Why do people watch the game?

The Taylor Swift Effect
  • 43% say the game is the most important part
  • 19% say the halftime show is most important
  • 17% say the TV ads are most important

The Taylor Swift Effect

          Last year, 58.8 million women watched Super Bowl LVIII, which was a record high. This was 47.5% of the total audience, also a record high.  It’s informally called ‘The Taylor Swift Effect’.

OK, enough of the numbers, the next story is, in my opinion, one of the most memorable of all Super Bowl stories, and it happened in the very first Super Bowl.

The first Super Bowl was in 1967 between the Green Bay Packers and, who else, the Kansas City Chiefs, in the Los Angeles Coliseum.  The night before the game, two Packer players known to have a cocktail or two, Paul Hornung and Max McGee, broke curfew and went ‘out on the town’ with two flight attendants.  Hornung had a pinched nerve in his neck and knew he would not play in tomorrow’s game.  McGee, a veteran player in the last season of his career, was a backup receiver who had only caught four balls all season and would retire after the game.  Max rolled in on the morning of the Super Bowl at 6:30 and ran into quarterback Bart Starr in the hotel hall, who remarked about Max being an early riser!  Before the game, in which Max planned to sit on the bench and nurse his hangover, he told the starting receiver, Boyd Dowler, “You better not get hurt, because I’m in no shape to play.”

Max McGee – hungover hero of Super Bowl I

As fate would have it, Dowler got hurt early in the first quarter of the game, so Max McGee grabbed the nearest helmet, which happened to be a lineman’s helmet with a fairly large cage on it, and entered the game.  He makes a one-handed catch for the Super Bowl’s first-ever touchdown and ends up making seven catches for 138 yards for two touchdowns. The Packers handily beat the Chiefs 35-10. Seems similar to this years’ game.

Hope you had as good a time as Max McGee did, both the night before the game and during the game!

Super Bowl was a Gas . . . But, It’s Passing

by Bob Sparrow

My Super Bowl was already ruined when the 49ers couldn’t beat the Eagles with their 4th-string quarterback, but it got worse.  Several days before ‘the game’, I made the mistake of reading an article about being careful about what one eats at a Super Bowl party.  The article reported that the food typically served at these get-togethers is not healthy – now there’s a news flash!  It went on to itemize different food groups and the various gastronomical complications that could ensue from digesting said foods.  It was like a train wreck, I couldn’t stop reading!, but since I was already depressed by the San Francisco loss, I continued.

The first ‘warning’ came early on, saying that doctors see more patients for food-related problems around national holidays and big sporting events.  So, if you’re reading this from your doctor’s office, you’re not alone.

So here’s the scoop (best served with guacamole), coming a day late and a handful of Tums short.

Chicken wings – this favorite game day staple is the trifecta of potential digestive distress.  Fried, fatty foods open the gap between the esophagus and the stomach, thus allowing stomach acid to go into the esophagus and cause acid reflux and heartburn.  Spicy wings are even worse; and if you’re dipping them in say, Ranch dressing, you’re adding processed oils that can exacerbate acid reflux and cause bloating.

Three ‘Widow Maker’ Options

Nachos – Pick your poison; beans, salsa, guacamole, sour cream, cheese, jalapenos, meat and other toppings on a bed of fried tortilla chips – they should rename ‘Nacho Health Food’!

Jalapeno poppers – these delicious breaded peppers filled with cream cheese creates the perfect storm for an upset stomach.   Additionally, the little know ‘capsaicin’ in it are an irritant to everything they touch on their journey through the digestive tract.

Dips & Spreads – Spinach dip, artichoke dip, bean dip, etc. all cause gas and bloating and adversely affect people with even small degrees of lactose intolerance.  And of course, we’re all aware of possible embarrassment of flatuance caused by beans.

Hail to the Chiefs!

The article continues with that pesky issue of alcohol.  When you should have been drinking water, to help move things along in the digestive tract, you’re dehydrating and alcohol poisoning yourself by spending the entire game downing beers, sipping wine or guzzling those specialty Super Bowl drinks – Kansas City Ice Water (a Gin & Tonic combined with a Vodka Soda) or Philadelphia Fish House Punch (rum, brandy, peach brandy, lemon).  Personally, I drank some northern California wine during the game – Go Niners!

The article then goes into FODMAPS, not FoodMaps, but those fermentable oligosaccharide . . . never mind, you don’t want to know!!

I’m surprised the article didn’t offer a ‘Prop Bet‘ for the number of times one uses the toilet bowl during the Super Bowl.

Be thankful you read this after the Super Bowl and not before.  So, congrats to Kansas City, who will be enjoying a little Kansas City barbeque and some Ice Water, while the Eagles will find solace in a Philly Cheesesteak and a Yuengling Lager, before we all go back on those diets that started last month!

If the 49ers don’t make the Super Bowl next year, I’m thinking I’ll write  a follow-up article on Irritable Bowl Syndrome.