by Bob Sparrow
My Super Bowl was already ruined when the 49ers couldn’t beat the Eagles with their 4th-string quarterback, but it got worse. Several days before ‘the game’, I made the mistake of reading an article about being careful about what one eats at a Super Bowl party. The article reported that the food typically served at these get-togethers is not healthy – now there’s a news flash! It went on to itemize different food groups and the various gastronomical complications that could ensue from digesting said foods. It was like a train wreck, I couldn’t stop reading!, but since I was already depressed by the San Francisco loss, I continued.
The first ‘warning’ came early on, saying that doctors see more patients for food-related problems around national holidays and big sporting events. So, if you’re reading this from your doctor’s office, you’re not alone.
So here’s the scoop (best served with guacamole), coming a day late and a handful of Tums short.
Chicken wings – this favorite game day staple is the trifecta of potential digestive distress. Fried, fatty foods open the gap between the esophagus and the stomach, thus allowing stomach acid to go into the esophagus and cause acid reflux and heartburn. Spicy wings are even worse; and if you’re dipping them in say, Ranch dressing, you’re adding processed oils that can exacerbate acid reflux and cause bloating.
Nachos – Pick your poison; beans, salsa, guacamole, sour cream, cheese, jalapenos, meat and other toppings on a bed of fried tortilla chips – they should rename ‘Nacho Health Food’!
Jalapeno poppers – these delicious breaded peppers filled with cream cheese creates the perfect storm for an upset stomach. Additionally, the little know ‘capsaicin’ in it are an irritant to everything they touch on their journey through the digestive tract.
Dips & Spreads – Spinach dip, artichoke dip, bean dip, etc. all cause gas and bloating and adversely affect people with even small degrees of lactose intolerance. And of course, we’re all aware of possible embarrassment of flatuance caused by beans.
The article continues with that pesky issue of alcohol. When you should have been drinking water, to help move things along in the digestive tract, you’re dehydrating and alcohol poisoning yourself by spending the entire game downing beers, sipping wine or guzzling those specialty Super Bowl drinks – Kansas City Ice Water (a Gin & Tonic combined with a Vodka Soda) or Philadelphia Fish House Punch (rum, brandy, peach brandy, lemon). Personally, I drank some northern California wine during the game – Go Niners!
The article then goes into FODMAPS, not FoodMaps, but those fermentable oligosaccharide . . . never mind, you don’t want to know!!
I’m surprised the article didn’t offer a ‘Prop Bet‘ for the number of times one uses the toilet bowl during the Super Bowl.
Be thankful you read this after the Super Bowl and not before. So, congrats to Kansas City, who will be enjoying a little Kansas City barbeque and some Ice Water, while the Eagles will find solace in a Philly Cheesesteak and a Yuengling Lager, before we all go back on those diets that started last month!
If the 49ers don’t make the Super Bowl next year, I’m thinking I’ll write a follow-up article on Irritable Bowl Syndrome.