Tag Archives: rhymes

Posted in News

ARE YOU SH*TING ME?

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The news is getting worse with time;

Sometimes we get too pissed to rhyme.

 Headlines:       Are you sh*ting me?  Our fiscal year ends Friday and our elected representatives are politicking, brinksmanshiping, threatening another government shutdown as the Disaster Relief Funds has become a political football.  You know who really needs Disaster Relief?  We do; the disaster is the people running our government.  Democrat, Republican or Independent, I’m campaigning for anyone who isn’t an incumbent.

Money: Are you sh*ting me?  Quit sugar-coating it, the stock market is nothing like a roller coaster ride – at least there’s some enjoyment there; we’re walking under a piano that’s being dropped from a three-story building.  We don’t know about you, but we certainly can’t figure out what the Germans are going to do about the Greeks or what the Chinese are going to do with all our debt.  Best money idea – backyard, coffee can, shovel.

Sports: Are you sh*ting me?   The Dallas Cowboys win a game where the only way they score is by kicking 6 field goals.  If you can’t score a touchdown, you shouldn’t win the  game.  Rumor has it that the Cowboys were inspired by the following quote that was hanging in their locker room: “I keek a touchdown”  Garo Yepremian, 1966

Life: Are you sh*ting me? Saudi Arabia might be allowing women to vote . . . in 2015!  However Saudi women will still not be able to travel, work, marry, get divorced, be admitted to a hospital or live independently without permission from a male guardian.  Can you say oil independence?

And one last thing: Are you sh*ting me?  Our financially strapped government is looking to provide college scholarships to illegal aliens.  Not that our elected
representative should know the law or anything, but that is aiding and abetting
a criminal . . . and that’s a FELONY.

Have a nice day!

Posted in News

Poker Ponzi?

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Our embassy opens in Tripoli soon,

With rebels just catching their breath.

To inspire them, we’ve put up a banner that says,

‘Give me Libya or give me death’

–

A waiter’s attention is oft hard to get

And sometimes they make a mistake.

So restaurants are putting their menu on iPads,

Now your server is never on break.

–

The league has been called the Pac 8, 10 and 12,

But there won’t be a Pac 16 now.

To Oklahoma they’ve talked and to Texas as well,

But to both they have finally said, ciao.

–

Full Tilt Poker is one of the top poker sites,

But we’re told that it’s not what it seems.

They say Texas Hold ‘Em’s the game that they play,

But they’re playing a big Ponzi scheme.

 —

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Posted in News

Metta World Peace? Give Me A Break!

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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Let’s start with a drug deal gone terribly wrong
For some skanky drug dealers in far off Hong Kong.
A ton of cocaine was in boxes, bags, hoses,
Which is better than finding it up our kid’s noses.
–
What’s this change going on in the fast food restaurants?
Now it’s lettuce, tomatoes, healthy food that they flaunt.
We use to go there for double burgers and fries,
Now it yogurt they’re asking if we want super-sized.
–
Isaac Newton was known for his bodies in motion,
His laws and his apple caused quite a commotion.
Cam Newton’s the body that’s in motion this season;
Passing 800 yards in two games is the reason.
–
Ron Artesst changed his name to Metta World Peace,
Now he’s Dancing With The Stars, I guess wonders never cease.
As the dance that we’ll remember is when a fan he chased,
As he waltzed into the bleachers and punched him in the face.

– – –

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Posted in News

The Good News

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Wednesday, September 14, 2011

We went looking for some good news as the paper we perused,

Determined we could make a happy rhyme.

We looked in every section from the headlines to Op/Ed

And here’s the best of all that we could I find.

–

We found that household income reached its lowest point in years

We thought perhaps the figures were corrupt,

But after sifting through the numbers we determined with a smile

That the only place for us to go is up.

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 The Cubs are twenty games behind, their losing streak’s intact,

But they keep on filling Wrigley Field with cheer.

One hundred three years pass, without a Series win,

But they keep saying, “Wait until next year.”

–

Debates and White House speeches fill TV’s prime time slots;

They help us choose who we should be approving.

Sometimes they’re fast and loose with facts, but the good thing we found out

Is they tell the truth . . . unless their lips are moving.

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Posted in News

Obama’s Pre-game Speech

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Friday, September 2, 2011

Obama set his speech to Congress, next Wednesday was the date,

But Boehner said, that is the day of the GOP debate.

So he moved the speech to Thursday, but the time won’t be the same,

‘Cause he knows he can’t compete with the Saints and Packers’ game.

–

Chrysler’s on an up-tick, so Motor Trend reports;

Their sales are beating GM, Ford and the imports?

They’re selling trucks and minivans , cars in their bigger class;

How quickly we don’t care again about the price of gas.

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When it comes to franchise owners, LA seems to come up short,

From Georgia Frontiere to that blow hard, Frank McCourt.

If a Dodgers sale goes through, it could give us all angina,

As the gloves and shoes, now payroll, will all be made in China.

–

JayLo and Mark Anthony – it looks like that gig’s over.

It seems that little Marky boy is quite the Latin rover.

Mark found a nice hotel room, but who did he check in with?

It’s hard to say because she signed in as a ‘Mrs. Smith’.

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