Category Archives: opinion

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LUCKY LOUIS

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

These days it’s easy to believe the worst in people.  Every time I turn on the TV there is some new horror.   I’ve lamented previously that the “neighborhood” feel that I grew up is a thing of the past.  But last week my faith was restored – mightily – by a lost dog.  Jennifer and Joe Veres took their dog, Louis, to the groomer.  A pretty ordinary errand, except that the groomer let Louis loose while taking him out for a potty break.  Louis is a small poodle-mix who was on a leash, so it makes one wonder just how attentive the groomer was watching over her charge.  A runaway dog is bad enough, but this grooming shop sits at one of the busiest intersections in Scottsdale.  The city estimates that 38,700 vehicles per day drive that road.  Louis was lost around 4 p.m., a very busy time of day.  The grooming shop closes at 5 p.m., but once Jennifer arrived there she told the owner she was going to stay all night if necessary in case Louis found his way back.  The owner said he had to go home to feed his animals, but would return to unlock the restroom for her and check on the progress of the search.  He never did.

Jennifer immediately took to Nextdoor, an app that is normally used by people to find a plumber or throw shade on a restaurant.  But Jennifer knew that it can also be a useful tool to broadcast information about a lost dog.  Just that week, another dog had been found through Nextdoor, and that gave her reason to hope.  Once she posted about Louis on Nextdoor, including his cute picture,  the community stepped up.  Literally HUNDREDS of people saw Jennifer’s story and came out to help.  Families got in their cars to traverse the area, bicyclists checked all the trails, and businesses pitched in as well.  The Off Road Jeep Adventures company is in the same shopping center as the groomer and they looked out for Jennifer as she waited.  Not only that, they sent their vehicles out with their high-powered headlights to aid in the search.  The valets and patrons at two nearby restaurants heard about Louis and began searching, as did Jennifer’s workmates.  Later that day a woman reported seeing Louis on the grounds of a nearby church, but when she tried to catch him, he was frightened and scampered away.  After that, the church allowed Jennifer and Joe to place clothing and food on their premises in an effort to lure Louis to the scent of his owners and a good meal.

As nightfall came, the search for Louis became more frantic.  The Sonoran desert can be a dangerous place, filled with rattlesnakes, coyotes, bobcats and very sharp cacti.  It’s not a great place for anyone at night, much less a poor, defenseless dog with a leash trailing behind him.  Jennifer took the advice of several people on Nextdoor and called on HARTT (Humane Animal Rescue and Trapping Team).  HARTT is a volunteer-based nonprofit here is Arizona that helps in capturing lost family pets, and homeless dogs and cats who are severely injured.  It’s a very specialized service, staffed with volunteers to understand the behavior of scared pets.  HARTT relies on volunteers to immediately begin searching when a lost pet is reported.  In Louis’ case, they worked tirelessly to find him, and to instruct everyone looking for him what and what not to do in case they spotted him.  According to HARTT, most lost animals do not stray more than a mile from where they were lost, so the fact that Louis had been spotted at the church meant he might still be nearby.

Jennifer, Joe and hundreds of others stayed out all Thursday night looking for Louis, with no luck.  Just as with lost people, time is not a friend.  Friday was a very hot day so it became more distressing that Louis had no ready access to water.  As the sun set on Friday night and darkness descended, a determined band of neighbors, the Jeep Adventures guys, and HARTT volunteers did not let up the search.  The Veres’ neighbor brought their dog, and Louis’ best friend, Teddy, to help find him.  And that did the trick!  At 8 pm on Friday night, 28 hours after Louis went missing, they spotted him near a playground next to the church.  Teddy’s scent must have let Louis know that he was near “safe” people because they were able to keep Louis there until Jennifer and Joe arrived.  Once Louis heard and smelled Joe he came out from under the brush and ran into Joe’s arms.  The guys from the Jeep company filmed the happy reunion.  As you night expect, everyone cried tears of joy.  I’m sorry that I can’t load the video here, because to hear Joe exclaim, “Buddy, there’s my best friend and buddy” as Louis jumped into his arms, is beyond heartwarming.

Louis’ body and paws were covered in cacti stickers so the Veres took him immediately to the local emergency vet, where he had to be sedated while they removed all of them.  It was truly a miracle that he had survived all.  For the record, the groomer did volunteer to pay the emergency vet bill.  It was the least they could do, so they did the least.  As of last week Louis is still a little traumatized and does not want to be left alone.  Luckily, Jennifer works for a great company.  They not only helped look for Louis but agreed that he could come in to work with her so she is always in his sight.  Jennifer and Joe have finally caught up on sleep and as for me, I am making HARTT Arizona my designated charity on my Amazon Smile Prime purchases.  I hope to God that Dash the Wonder Dog never goes missing, but if he does I now know exactly who to call.

So, the next time you think the world has gone to hell in a handbasket, think of the story of Louis.   People are really good.  Your neighbors are really good.  We all want to help each other out.  Remember that.

Posted in Holiday observations • opinion

‘TIS A FINE WEEK

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Surely, ’tis the best week of the year, is it not?  St. Patrick’s Day is not until Wednesday but some of us have begun celebrating early.  I am personally contributing to the festivities by drinking a pint of Guinness every day. Guinness is the mother’s milk of Ireland, and for good reason.  Three years ago I had the good fortune of spending time in the Emerald Isle with four of my girlfriends.  On the first day of the trip I ate something that didn’t agree with me.  Our driver suggested that I “take a Guinness”, extolling it’s virtues as a cure-all for most any ailment.  I gulped it down and, sure enough, I began to feel better.  He went on to explain that when he was growing up, doctors were scarce – and unaffordable – so Irish mothers gave their children a nip of Guinness whenever they were sick, as it was believed to be chocked full of vitamins and minerals.  Sort of the Irish version of Children’s  One-A-Day.

Once back home I began to research the miracle of Guinness.  Was it really a health food?  Should I be drinking more?  Turns out that back in the 1920s, when the “Guinness is Good for You” slogan was introduced, the claim was based on market research that found people felt good after they drank a pint of the dark and foamy stout.  Okay, but substitute “stout” for almost any form of alcohol and you’d probably have the same result.  Soon after the slogan gained popularity the flimsy claim was bolstered by the discovery that Guinness contains iron. A ha!  Now we’re getting somewhere.  Even pregnant women were advised to have an occasional pint. Of course, it would take something like a dozen pints a day for a woman to get her recommended daily allowance of iron, in which point the alcohol and calories would cause more harm than good.

But in 2003 researchers at the University of Wisconsin found a truly redeeming feature of the beloved Guinness.  Turns out that stout beer like Guinness (as opposed to lager and other light beer) is high in the antioxidant compounds called flavonoids—similar to those found in red wine, tea and chocolate—that can reduce the risk of heart attack from blood clotting.   The researchers carried out laboratory tests on dogs with clogged arteries, comparing the effects of Guinness and Heineken. Only those dogs fed Guinness had reduced clotting.  Wow – red wine, chocolate, dogs and Guinness.  The gods have come together to link all of my favorite things together into one healthy bundle!  I should live to be 100.

My brother and I share a love for Ireland, even though our DNA results show our Irish heritage to be somewhat limited.  I am 12% Irish and he is 8%, which doesn’t seem fair because he has frequented a lot more Irish pubs than I have.  In fact, he has a unique ability to find an Irish pub everywhere he travels.  When he hiked Machu Picchu,  he fortified himself beforehand at Paddy’s Irish Pub in Cusco, Peru, which holds the distinction of being the highest elevation pub on the planet at over 11,156 feet.  I recently watched the Amazon Prime Video movie “The Irish Pub” and it became clear why we cling to our small but powerful Irish ancestry.  The documentary highlighted pubs all over Ireland, interviewing the owners and customers.  Charming doesn’t begin to describe it.  Yes, some of the pubs were dark and possibly had not been cleaned since 1947.  But the owners and customers alike took great pride in their establishments and their welcoming of strangers.   Anyone who has visited Ireland can attest to that – the Irish seem to be universally good-natured and friendly.  The film made it clear that the local pub provides a gathering place for people to chat and get to know one another and many customers remarked that they would rather do that than watch television.

I think what we can conclude from all this is that America would be a far better – and healthier – place if we all gathered down at the local pub for a good conversation and a pint of Guinness.  Throw in a dog by the fire and that’s about as close to Heaven as one can get.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day and…Slainte!!

 

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A Little Perspective . . . Maybe A Lot of Perspective

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by Bob Sparrow

I watched a YouTube documentary on the Smothers Brothers last week entitled Smothers Brothers – Smothered and found it most interesting, particularly juxtaposed to what is going on in our world today.  For those too young to remember Tom & Dick Smothers and their one-hour TV comedy-variety show on Sunday nights, they were funny, entertaining and controversial.  Their show ran in the late 60s until CBS yanked them off the air for their, and their guest’s, espousing opposition to the Viet Nam war, support for Civil & Women’s Rights and their general pissing off of those in authority.

It was an era of significant unrest, the ugliness of the Viet Nam war was being brought into our living rooms in living color with the nightly news.  Men were heading to Canada to avoid the draft or burning their draft cards, while women were burning their bras in protest for women’s rights.  More and more gays and lesbians were ‘coming out’.  Drugs were a major part of the counterculture – marijuana and LSD became ‘recreational drugs’.  In a span of five years, five major civil rights leaders were assassinated; John F. Kennedy, Medgar Evers, Martin Luther King, Malcomb X and Bobby Kennedy.  In 1968 there were riots at the Democratic National Convention in Chicago that killed 11 people and injured hundreds.  Even so, the country wasn’t as politically divided then as it is today – the ‘counter culture’ and mainstream media then, hated both Richard Nixon, a republican president, as much as they hated Lyndon Johnson, a democrat president.

Civil disobedience has always been a way of American life, in fact an inalienable right.  This county was born out of civil disobedience of our British colonizers. Henry David Thoreau wrote his now-famous essay, Civil Disobedience in 1849, which in part was motivated by his disgust with slavery and the just-concluded Mexican-American War.  We sometimes don’t agree with those who are protesting, but usually the protestors are right, it’s mostly just a matter of degree, as in order to get their message across, they tend to go to the extremes.  There was a national distain for long-hair ‘hippies’ and peace-loving ‘flower children’, but most everyone can agree today that the Viet Nam War was a total waste – with over 1.3 million total deaths.  Most everyone my age lost a friend in that war – either physically or mentally.  For what?   Minorities and women have more rights today, due in part to the civil unrest of the 60s, but as a country, most would agree that we still have a ways to go.

I’m not happy with what’s going on in our country today – the political divide, corrupt politicians, the inept handling of the Covid virus, just to name a few items at the top of my list, but after watching the Smothers Brothers documentary, I found that the stuff that the CBS censors wouldn’t allow them to say or do on TV, is laughable today.  I don’t think we’ll ever be able to laugh at the tearing down of statues, the burning and looting of buildings or the attempts to ‘defund’ the police, but whether we want it or not, change is coming and I have enough faith in our country to believe that we’ll survive this as a nation and in fact, be better for it.  Organizations like QAnon and Antifa will rest in our archives with the Weather Underground Organization and the Students for a Democratic Society. 

Yes, I realize this sounds a bit Pollyannaish, but I’d encourage you to watch the documentary and see if it doesn’t help put today’s events in perspective.  Here’s the link:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnnmcP6FkWk&t=253s

BTW, I’m still going to read Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas to my grandkids every Christmas.

 

 

Posted in opinion

WHAT MY MESSAGE?

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

I admit that I’m sometimes a sucker for “click bait” banners.  Give me a good juicy headline about a favorite celebrity or public figure and I will – against my better judgement – hit the link to get the full scoop.  Being the Anglophile that I am, headlines about the British royal family often peak my interest.  So you can imagine my curiosity when I read that Meghan Markle’s maternity dress contained a “powerful message”.  Wow!  I envisioned a slogan or initials embroidered into the hem, or perhaps the baby’s sex or name secretly embedded somewhere.  So, of course, I clicked on the story only to find out that her “message” was that she was embracing sustainability by wearing a dress that was two years old!   The designer of the dress commented, “This (climate change) is an undeniable crisis, and everyone has to do their part. The number one thing that someone can do for sustainability is hold on to those pieces you buy and use them for a longer amount of time. That’s why I think what Meghan did is such a powerful message. She wore a dress that’s no less beautiful, because it’s two years old… it makes her feel no less special or no less happy.”

Wow.  That’s not the direction I thought this story would go. After my initial disappointment that the “message” wasn’t more revealing, I realized (not for the first time) that my life is very different than the Royal Family.  One look into my closet would reveal that apparently I am doing more for the planet than the average person.  Setting aside 2020, when 98% of my clothes remained on their hangers, I still consider something two years old as relatively new.  I took a tour of my closet to see just how sustainable I have been.  The first item I found dates back to 1962.  My parents sent me to Girl Scout camp up in the Sierras and we were required to bring several essential items, including a mirror.  My mother purchased this little hand-held mirror at the local five-and-dime and I thought it was really cool because the opposite side is a magnifier.  Better to see every pre-pubescent pimple, I suppose.  In any event, through umpteen moves I have held on to that little mirror and often use it when I travel. The fact that it is a little weathered has helped as I’ve grown older – it’s not as sharp and neither am I.

Next, I found a belt that I purchased before I started my first corporate job in 1973.  I needed an upgrade from my jeans and tee shirts so I took my savings and went on a shopping spree.   The belt was the last thing I purchased that day, and it was over my budget, but I bought it anyway.  It had several leather links that I had to take out for it to fit.  I tried to wrap it around my waist last week.  Let’s just say I lamented that I had thrown away those extra links.  Still, when I look at it I remember how excited I was that day to be shopping for a “grown up” wardrobe.  Little did I know that first job in banking would be the beginning of a long career.

And speaking of that career, like most people, I had some moments of frustration and stress. The corporate squirrel cage and the long commute took its toll.  In 1988 we started to spend two weeks each fall in Sun Valley, Idaho.  Much to my delight, I found a cute little yarn store there owned by Sarah Ahern.  She was an older lady who had battled cancer, but was determined to stay in business.  When we visited in 1989 I wistfully told her that owning a yarn store in a cute mountain town sounded like Heaven to me.  She let me work there a few hours just to get a taste for it and I loved it.  By the early 90’s we struck a deal that if she ever sold it I would get first right of refusal.  But as the years went on I realized that visiting a resort town is very different than living in one.  As we planned for our trip in 1997 I prepared to tell Sarah that I just couldn’t make the move.  As we drove in to town I was horrified to see that the shop had closed.  One of her friends told me that her cancer had returned and she moved to Boise to live with her daughter.  She didn’t even try to sell the shop – she just closed it down.  This sweater is made from yarn I purchased from her in 1989 – it was “payment” for my working hours.  It sits on a shelf in a plastic bin.  I haven’t worn it for years but I can’t bring myself to donate it to Goodwill.  I think of Sarah, and of my dreams of being a yarn shop owner, every time I see it.  There’s something to be said for a good memory.

A month ago I would have been embarrassed to admit that I have these relics.  I might have even been tempted to begin tossing out some of this old stuff.  But now, instead of thinking of myself as a sentimental, old hoarder, I can proudly say I’m on the cutting edge of sustainability. Thanks, Meghan.

Posted in opinion

THE TERRORIST NEXT DOOR

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

 

Several years ago my brother gifted me the book, “The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid“, by Bill Bryson.  I have come to read – and love – almost every book Mr. Bryson has written.  But the “Thunderbolt Kid” book was my first, and is still my favorite.  In it, Mr. Bryson recounts the joy and simplicity of growing up in Des Moines, Iowa during the 1950’s and ’60’s with such wit and affection that it instantly brought back memories of the small town in which we were raised.  While the population of Des Moines was more than ten times that of our home town, Bryson’s recollections of his neighborhood is strikingly similar to what we experienced.  People were friendly, we worked hard, and as kids we found ourselves endlessly entertained by items as simple as a drainage ditch or a field of wildflowers.

The “Advance” when our parents owned it

I’ve given a lot of thought to our upbringing this past year.  I think the COVID slowdown has caused some reflection about the “busyness” with which we are normally consumed, and how different our life is compared to growing up.  Life seemed simpler back then, because it was simpler.  Small town life, or neighborhood life in a bigger city, revolved around locally-owned businesses, school, community activities and social clubs.  Our parents were one of those small business owners, and they knew the owners of every shop in town.  People helped each other out during hard times and shared fun in the good times – softball leagues, community plays and bake sales were just some of the ways we were entertained.  As a kid, a small town can seem stifling.  Everyone knows you, thus, the opportunities for getting into trouble with anonymity are very limited.  Our mother didn’t need eyes in the back of her head because she had a whole community of “snitches” that would tell her if one of us got out of line!

This past week I was thinking about that small town ethos when I read a piece by Virginia Heffernan, an opinion columnist for the Los Angeles Times.  Apparently Ms. Heffernan is waiting out the COVID pandemic in a hideaway home, situated in a place where it snows.  I have some familiarity with “snow towns” near LA and I’m willing to bet that she is living in a small community.  A few weeks ago, after a massive snowfall, her neighbors came over and shoveled out her driveway.  Nice, neighborly gesture, right?  Well, apparently not.  In her column of February 5th, she laments that she doesn’t know how to feel, since the neighbors supported Trump for President.  So she questions how nice they really are and then proceeds to compare them to Hezbollah, Louis Farrakhan and the Nazis.

My goal here is not to get into the politics of this, as my brother and I have steadfastly stayed out of the fray all these years and our intent is to continue.  My thoughts are more focused on what a shame it is that Ms. Heffernan has no foundation to draw from that informs her about what it means to be a neighbor.  Although it didn’t snow where we grew up, shoveling someone’s driveway is exactly the kind of gesture that would be so ordinary as to not even draw attention.  Motives would not have been questioned, much less evaluated, based on whether someone had voted for Nixon or Kennedy.  To judge anyone through a political lens would have been unheard of, and better yet, strongly discouraged.

I’m glad I grew up when and where I did.  The small town mentality has served me well over the years and I appreciate it in others when I see it.  I am saddened that we have gotten to a point where someone’s character, motives and integrity are judged by their political affiliation.  A point where a simple, kind gesture is dissected and over-analyzed by a journalist.  Perhaps Ms. Heffernan needs to spend more time in her “hideaway” to learn a bit about the behavior of people who live in small communities.  It may come as a shock to her that they are not on parallel with terrorists.

 

Posted in opinion

WHEN TV WAS FUNNY

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

I was watching TV the other day when an ad came on for the new comedy, “Call Me Kat”, starring Mayim Bialik.  It was advertised as “the funniest new show on television”.  Well, heck, I love a good comedy and I always enjoyed Ms. Bialik on The Big Bang Theory, so I gave it a shot.  My time would have been better spent sorting my sock drawer or alphabetizing my spice rack.  Not funny.  Not even close to funny.  Slapstick, stupid humor, and preening for the camera seemed to be the objective.  Not to mention Swoosie Kurtz’ distracting plastic surgery. When you’re almost unrecognizable I think it means you’ve gone too far.  Anyway…the show just didn’t do anything for me.  When I heard the news of Cloris Leachman’s passing this week I thought about her on The Mary Tyler Moore show and it reminded me of when TV was actually funny.  In my opinion, the “murderer’s row” of comedies that aired on CBS in the mid-70’s was the pinnacle of humor.  Every Saturday night we were captivated by high quality writing and acting.  We didn’t know how lucky we were.

The evening started with All in the Family.  We thought it was quite daring when it first aired, with the main character, Archie Bunker, opining on everything from  racism to women’s liberation.  It was the only comedy show that opened with a warning about content.  For a generation that grew up watching Leave it to Beaver, All in the Family seemed downright revolutionary.  And that was the point.  The show’s creator, Norman Lear, wanted to reflect the changing times by having Archie bicker about the issues of the day with his progressive son-in-law, Mike, or as he referred to him, “Meathead”.  As logically as Mike would try to explain the changes in social norms, Archie would respond with equally inane logic.  The cast was rounded out by his “dingbat” wife, Edith (who was actually quite smart), and his daughter, Gloria, caught between her dad and her husband.  The show, and Archie, evolved over time, matching the tone of the era.  Not least among its groundbreaking feats was that it was the first to air the sound of a toilet flushing!

Next on the schedule was M*A*S*H.  Ostensibly a show about a Mobile Army Surgical Hospital unit during the Korean war, the satire and dramatic commentary of the show were clearly aimed at an audience that had grown ambivalent about the war in Vietnam.  The show ran for 12 seasons – and its finale in 1983 is still the highest rated series ender.  M*A*S*H seemed to have everything you could want in a comedy.  Yes, there was great humor, but often there was a sentimental story line that ran concurrently to Hawkeye’s antics.  Unlike McHale’s Navy or the Phil Silver’s Show from the previous decade, M*A*S*H showed real people with real emotions.  It wasn’t unusual to laugh and cry at the same episode.

The second hour of comedies started with the classic Mary Tyler Moore Show.  The casting on the show was brilliant.  In addition to Mary Tyler Moore, it included the aforementioned Cloris Leachman, Valerie Harper, Ed Asner, Ted Knight, Gavin McLeod, Gloria Engel and…Betty White.  How can you ever go wrong with Betty White?!  As a young woman in my 20’s I was fascinated by the show’s premise – a divorced, young woman living on her own and forging a career in a tough industry.  Over the years I’ve heard other women say how influenced they were by watching MTM stand up for herself and succeed in her professional life.  Also of note is that although Mary had several boyfriends during the course of the series, she never married.  That is something you certainly didn’t see in previous sitcoms and it is still rare today to have the lead female character never marry during the run of a series.

The next show on the schedule was The Bob Newhart Show.  Newhart played a psychiatrist and brought his dry wit and deadpan delivery to the show.  His patients and support staff delivered the comedy and hijinks, while he sardonically commented and observed.  Suzanne Pleshette played his wife, also with a sarcastic bent and intelligent wit.

Finally, the evening ended with The Carol Burnett Show.  Has there ever been a more entertaining variety show?  Carol Burnett just seemed so down to earth and friendly – almost like your best friend was hosting a neighborhood talent show.  Her portrayals of “Eunice”, Mrs. Wiggins and, of course, her “Went With The Wind” Scarlett are funny to this day.  But the highlight for me was the pairing of Tim Conway and Harvey Korman.  They delighted in trying to “bust” each other during the live show taping.  Part of the fun was watching Korman trying not to laugh when Conway pranked him.  The funniest sketch I have ever seen is the famous “dentist” scene, with Conway as the dentist and Korman as the patient.  Conway improvised so much during the taping that Korman admitted later that he laughed so hard he wet his pants.  Here is a link to the complete skit – it’s almost 10 minutes long but worth watching to the end.  If you aren’t laughing hysterically by the end of it, well…there’s just something wrong with your funny bone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9IUSM4EKcRI

So that was it – the funniest night of television ever.  Yes, the NBC Thursday night line-up in the 90’s that featured Seinfeld, Friends and Frasier was also very good, but just not as funny or relevant as that old CBS schedule.  I read an article that observed one of the reasons for the popularity of the old CBS shows was that we didn’t have much choice.  Most people only got 4-5 TV stations in the 70’s, so we tended to watch the same things.  Each of these shows contributed to the common culture because we all shared the laughs, tears and experiences of these characters.  Today, with 500 TV stations plus a seemingly endless number of streaming apps, our viewing is fragmented.  Some days I’m lucky if anyone has even heard of a show that I’m streaming.

There’s a lot of talk about bringing unity to the country these days.  Maybe we should consider going back to fewer shows, with better writing, that would give us an opportunity to have some shared experiences.  Plus, it could give us something laugh at other than the politicians.

Posted in opinion

THE “GET OUT OF JAIL FREE” CARD

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

 

As you may have read, Arizona is the COVID hotspot of the world. Yep – you read that right – we’re #1 not just in the U.S., but in the world! This week our health care professionals have warned that if things don’t improve, they are going to invoke the triage experts.   Or as they are colloquially known, death panels.  My friends and I decided in addition to avoiding COVID, we need to avoid a broken hip, as some death panel may figure it’s easier to shoot us than fix us.  I admit that I have not been taking this latest news well.  For a variety of reasons, we have not travelled more than 20 miles from our home in almost a year.  So you can imagine our relief when Arizona began vaccinating older citizens last week.  I am not eligible, but my husband was and we were able to get an appointment last Thursday.  Typical of any government-run program, the state has managed to make registering as complicated as possible.

Here’s how I imagine the staff meeting went when they designed the enrollment system:

Manager:  So, we are going to start vaccinating the general public in Arizona.  We’re starting with people age 75 and above.  Tell me about the enrollment system you’ve designed.

Idiot #1:  We’ve got this!  Our systems works on the Chrome and Firefox browsers so it’s very accessible.

Manager:  But the vast majority of older people either use either an Apple or Microsoft  product.

Idiot #2:  No worries – we’ve instructed them to download either the Chrome or Firefox browser.

Manager:  Ummmm, okay.  But most of these people have no idea what a browser is and downloading is something they do with their dentures every night.  They think Chrome is what’s on their wheels and Firefox describes the hot number with the boa that walked into the bingo room last week.   Well, maybe someone can help them download the browsers onto their tablet or phone.

Idiot #3:  Oh no – the site isn’t compatible with tablets and phones.  They have to be use a desktop.

Manager:  Let’s hope this goes well.  I assume you have enough server capacity to handle the demand for enrollment?

Idiot #4:  Oh yes, we’ve got plenty of room and backup capacity.

Manager:  So once they get on the site they just sign up?

Idiot #5:  No.  First they create an account, then they have to retrieve a verification code from their email, then come back in and verify their account.  Then they go to the site and search day by day for an opening because we figured it was just to much work to put a calendar up showing “next available” appointments.

Okay – that’s my imagination but I don’t think I’m far off.  As anyone who has the sense that God gave geese might have predicted, the systems crashed on the first morning and the “help” line wait time was over three hours.  The statement from the Department of Health is that they didn’t anticipate the number of people who would be signing up.  Really?  We’ve been one of the worst hit states since the pandemic began, we have a large vulnerable population (over 75) and they have all been cooped up at home for almost a year.   Which is why I have so rudely characterized the people working on this as idiots.

It came to light yesterday that the state used Google to design the website.  That goes a long way toward explaining why they designated Chrome as the go-to browser.  It is shameful that they are using this event to steer people to their product.  Luckily, after much hue and cry, they finally enabled people to use Safari.  Silicon Valley has spent a lot of time lately talking about how they are improving the diversity in their workplace.  Well, here’s an idea – why don’t they put someone over the age of 65 to work on a program for people over the age of 65?  Now, there’s a concept.

In any event, my husband received his first shot last week so we are one step closer to getting out of jail.  We’re going to spend some time this week planning our summer vacation trips.  Somehow it feels like we’re one step closer to normal.  Hooray!!!

 

Posted in opinion

ENOUGH

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

I’m writing this post on New Year’s Day and thinking about all that occurred in 2020.  I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bit shell shocked from the past 12 months.  We had such high hopes going into the year – a new decade before us seemed so full of potential.  The biggest controversy a year ago was the guy buying his wife a Peloton for Christmas.  Little did we know that he would turn out to be the smartest guy in the room.  We got a bit of foreshadowing of a bad year when Kobe died in January but we persevered, thinking it was a one-off piece of bad news.  Then in March, everything shifted and life as we knew it changed.  But for better or worse, we’ve made it through and with a vaccine on the horizon I am hopeful for a better year.  Or, more realistically, a better half year.  I’ve resigned myself to the notion that the first half of 2021 is going to look a whole lot like 2020.  Still, it’s a new year and worthy of some resolutions.

NOT me after months of being at home

With the new year approaching there are lots of people opining about how to make 2021 a better year.  The best piece of advice I read was to find your “enough”. Not as in, “I’ve had enough cake” because we all know there is no such thing.  Instead, the author suggested that we all learn to be grateful for having “enough” of something – food, shelter, friendship, health, money.  Personally, I think 2020 was a good year for analyzing my “enough”.  Watching innumerable people lose jobs, and subsequently housing and security, made me more grateful than ever for a roof over my head and knowledge that I had “enough” to weather the COVID storm.  I learned that I had “enough” hobbies to entertain myself for endless days/weeks/months without going completely batshit crazy.  I had “enough” self-discipline to log 13,000 steps every day this year with one exception (I can be forgiven – I had minor surgery that day).  Prior to March I wouldn’t have known that about myself but now I’m pretty proud that I did not slink into a vegetative state on my couch watching the entire “Tiger King” series.

Most importantly, 2020 taught me that I have “enough” family and friends.  My husband and Dash The Wonder Dog have been great company over the past several months, providing support, laughs and a reason to go for a walk every day.  My friends have also been a source of support this year.  I have “enough” good friends to render me one of the luckiest people around.  I read an article from Instyle magazine that posed the idea that 2020 allowed you to narrow down your true friends by using the yardstick of who you would allow to see you topless.  I’m thinking that the average age of an Instyle reader is 19, so maybe that makes sense for them.  I can tell you at age 70, NO ONE wants to see me topless so my friends might be narrowed by those I would spare that visual.  In any event, 2020 brought into focus who I really treasure spending time with and that is a good guidepost going forward.

Had we all known a year ago what we were to face, I suspect we would have thought we couldn’t get through it. But the last 12 months has taught us that we have more grit, resilience, patience, and strength than we gave ourselves credit for.  In truth, we had “enough” to get through it and we are better off now for knowing that.

I hope that 2021 brings all of you “enough” of all the things that matter to you.  While we still have a few months to go before there is some semblance of normalcy, there is hope on the horizon and for now, that is enough.

Posted in Holiday observations • opinion

THE ANGELS AMONG US

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

I am ending this very strange year with the inaugural From A Bird’s Eye View people of the year award.  No, it’s not as prestigious as the award from Time magazine, but I believe our nominees are more fitting.  The poem is one I came across a few years ago and my hardest task for this post was narrowing down the nominees who best represent it.  I’m sure I’ve forgotten many groups of people but for all of those who have worked during perilous times this year, we want to express our thanks for your unwavering strength throughout 2020.

 

There are always angels everywhere. 

 

 

 

Perhaps we only think to look for them at Christmas,

 

 

 

When their wings can be seen and their halos glow with light.

 

 

 

But they are always there.

 

 

 

There in the quiet corners,

 

 

 

there in the shadows,

 

 

 

 

there in their ordinary clothes, 

 

 

 

and they are beautiful.

 

 

 

Make room for the angels, for they will catch you unawares and fill your heart in ways you never could imagine.

 

 

 

Speaking of angels, our dad was certainly one on Earth and I believe he continues to watch over our family. One of Pop’s hallmarks was the Ice Cream fizz he served every Christmas morning.  Oh sure, most families had hot chocolate and cider while we were drinking gin, but don’t judge – it has given a roseate hue to many a Christmas morning.  So this year we are once again sharing his recipe so that you and your family might also enjoy this wonderful tradition.

 

POP’S CHRISTMAS ICE CREAM FIZZ

Fill a blender 1/4 full with ice cubes

Add 6 jiggers of gin

Add 4 scoops of French Vanilla ice cream

Add 1 small bottle of soda water (the size you get in a 6-pack)

My brother Bob adds an egg so the white adds some froth, brother Jack doesn’t add an egg.  Personally, I’d add it just because you can then claim it’s a protein drink.

Just blend it well and – voila – you have a concoction sure to put a positive spin on everyone and every thing!

Our mom served them in a wine glass with a dash of nutmeg.  As we got older we would conspire with Pop and ditch the wine glass for a chilled beer mug from the freezer. Saved having to go back for seconds…or thirds.

Bob and I wish you and yours a very Merry Christmas.  We know for many of you it may be quieter, but hang in – 2021 is sure to be a better year.

Posted in Holiday observations • opinion

OUR ANNUAL USELESS GIFT GIVING GUIDE

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By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Each year at this time we try to perform our civic duty by providing suggestions for silly and useless gifts for the upcoming holiday season.  Last year I included such things as a harness for your chicken and a “Pull My Finger” Santa.  Boy, was I ever off the mark.  As it turned out, the most useless gifts for 2020 would have been tickets to a Broadway show, a gift certificate for business attire, or a European river cruise in July.   So I’m cautiously taking a different approach to the list for 2021.  Herewith is a list of what I hope will be useless in 2021:

Coffee Mug Map of My House: When I was a kid the phrase “shelter in place” meant we ducked under our school desk for a 5 minute drill.  This year, while we weren’t confined to a 2×2 space on a grimy linoleum floor, we did have to spend a whole lot more time inside our homes.  Venturing from the kitchen to the patio was the 2020 equivalent to a European Grand Tour.  

 

Toilet Paper Ornament:  Never have so many struggled to obtain such a pedestrian item.  Toilet paper became the Holy Grail of paper products.  People were trading semi-precious stones for a roll of Charmin like they were at a Middle Eastern bazaar.  One would think that we had become a nation full of diarrhea-prone idiots. There were jokes going around that in 2050, when people are cleaning out their parent’s homes, they will find a stash of toilet paper that will last another 100 years.  The summer brought some sanity to the situation with plenty of stock on the shelves but, alas, the recent uptick in Covid has caused people to lose their minds again.  Look for large quantities of tp for sale on Ebay when this thing ends.

Costco:  I don’t really want Costco to become useless in 2021.  I love Costco.  How could you not love a store that produces such a perfect pumpkin pie? But in 2020 Costco has become a madhouse.  At our local warehouse lines stretched around the store 30 minutes before it opened.  When the metal grate finally lifted there was a mad rush to the back of the store for….you guessed it…toilet paper!  And paper towels, meat, Lysol wipes and liquor.  Lots of liquor.  Last week when I was there I discovered that Extra Strength Tylenol is now on the restricted list, as it is what’s recommended to thwart the effects of the COVID vaccine.  So, I’ve made my last trip to Costco for the year – I’m just not up for being an unwilling participant in the Supermarket Sweepstakes frenzy.

 

Hand Sanitizer:  My hands are chapped, my nails are split and I rub my hands with sanitizer like an obsessive-compulsive person in “the home”.  I never thought that I would switch up my perfume for “Essence of Purell”.  Early on there was a huge shortage of sanitizer but then some geniuses figured out how to use regular alcohol to manufacture it and suddenly our local brewery became the best place to score some.  Now it is ubiquitous, featured on the end caps of every store from Target to the gas station.  I think the person who can come up with toilet paper and paper towels with hand sanitizer built in could make a fortune.

Lounge Wear:  Personally, I love a good pair of sweatpants.  I have some in every color, ranging from formal black to “greet the Amazon delivery person” gray.  Prior to the pandemic I really deplored people wearing their pajamas to the grocery store.  Now it’s so common it’s startling when you see someone with pants that actually zip.  There have been numerous studies over the years around the concept of “you are what you wear” and they all agree that dressing well positively impacts self-esteem and how you interact with the world.  Based on what I’ve observed in the past few months we have desperately low self-esteem, bordering on self-flagellation.  Hopefully when we regain some sort of normalcy we will also see the return of buttons and a sharp crease.

Working from Home:  I used to love working from home on occasion.  There’s nothing like the satisfaction of doing a load of laundry in between conference calls to make you feel like Super Multi-Tasker.  But I can probably speak for every working parent that we have reached the limit of how much time we want to work from our living rooms.  Turns out that most people like the interaction with people other than their immediate family and pets.  Plus, working while trying to futilely understand your third grader’s math problems is humiliating at best.  The goal for 2021 is to get everyone back where they belong – kids in school and adults at work.  For those women whose job was already full with child-rearing and running a household, I say they have earned a very well deserved rest, complete all the chocolate and wine they can consume.

That’s it for this year.  I’m looking forward to 2021, when a finger-pulling Santa is the highlight of my list.

And stay tuned for December 21 where I will once again share our dad’s recipe for his Christmas Ice Cream Fizz.  This year we may have fewer people gathered around but if ever there was a year where we need to double the recipe, this is it.