A LAP-BAND FOR THE UNIVERSE

Headlines: Does My ASStroid look big in this?

The Nobel Prize went to three guys whose find was quite distracting;

The universe, they proved, is expanding not contracting.

Just like us, it’s getting bigger, so now it needs to trim

By eating right and spending time in its Universal Gym.

Money: But can it put the seat down on the toilet?

The iPhone 4S was just rolled out

To some apathetic cheers;

The big thing: it talks back to you,

But my spouse has done that for years.

Sports: Sports Shorts

The D’back beat the Brewers to take it to game five,

 And the Phillies beat St. Louis to keep their hopes alive.

The NBA looks ready, but Tiger still has warts;

Iowa’s got NASCAR and that’s your day in sports.

Life: Steve Jobs  1955-2011

Let’s take time out to recognize an iCon in our time;

The CEO of Apple leaves us in his prime.

He was simply like no other, such an innovative guy,

We’ll think of him each time we see that uncapped Apple ‘i’

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PUT UP, PAY UP, SHUT UP

Headlines:  This gives him four more years to fit into the Superman suit.

The suspense is finally over, the guesswork is kaput,

The 2012 election won’t have Chris Christie underfoot.

He says it’s not his time, at least that’s what he swore,

But we think it’s more a matter of “always leave ‘em wanting more”.

Business:  Will the stadium seats be made of fine Corinthian leather?

The Superdome will now be named for Mercedes Benz,

Who join in the resurgence of naming-rights trends.

We hope this means good things and makes the locals smile,

And that next time there’s a hurricane, they can evacuate in style.

Sports:  Are you ready for some goofball?

It hardly seemed official, no Hank Williams on MNF,

But he was given a “time out” by ESPN’s refs.

It should come as no surprise, as his railings seem to mount,

Calling Obama and Biden the Three Stooges proves that he can’t even count.

Life:  Do they have to return the Bunny Tails? 

They learned how to do “the dip” and practiced coy flirtation,

But “The Playboy Club” is now this season’s first cancellation.

Hef’s had a bad year, lost his show and his “girl” took flight,

Maybe he should stick to “girls” his age and start dating Betty White.

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Hail to Michigan

by Bob Sparrow

I wore my Detroit Tigers t-shirt last weekend, a shirt I purchased at Tiger Stadium several years ago – the one with the mustard on it.  I had several people asked me how a California native became a Detroit fan.  Those who know me know I spent the last five  years of my career ‘commuting’ from southern California to Michigan. The traveling was never fun, but getting to know the people from Michigan was something I’ll never forget.

They are tough – they have struggled more than most states through this dismal recession, as much of their state’s economy is auto-based and the Big 3 were not so big.

They have great values – having spent a good deal of my business life ‘on the road’ I had an opportunity to visit virtually every state in the union and I can tell you that there is indeed a mid-West culture and value system, and it’s still alive and well in Michigan.

They are just good, hard-working people who deserve better – and now they are getting it.
To wit:

  • The University of Michigan is 5-0 and in Denard Robinson have the most exciting player in college football.
  • Michigan State University is 4-1 and beat Ohio State last week for the first time in over a decade
  • The Tigers won their division and now have a 2-1 lead over the Yankees in the first round of the play-offs
  • The Lions are 4-0 in a season marked by great second half comebacks
  • The ‘Hockeytown’ Red Wings continue to dominate the Central Division and their fans at ‘The Joe’ “Don’t Stop Believin’”
  • The Detroit economy still has a long way to go, but with the Big 3 making a comeback, their economy improved more than the national average last year and will probably do it again this year.

              Of all the places that I’ve been

             There’s nothing quite like Michigan

THEY JUST DON’T GIVE A FLYING PUCK

Headlines:  Please pass the Grey Poupon.

The Brooklyn Bridge was closed on Saturday and 700 were arrested,

The group “Occupy Wall Street” kept the thoroughfares congested.

They’re trying to focus attention on the greed of the big shots,

But the executives couldn’t hear them – they’re all out on their yachts.

Business:  So, we all just need to spend more money?

Economists just reported consumer spending hit its low,

And the economy for the next 10 years will most likely remain slow.

They say that Christmas will be lean with so many people on the dole,

Guess Santa should be stocking up on lots of lumps of coal.

Sports:  Karma, baby.

Sidney Crosby of the Penguins has had problems with concussions,

And whether he should play or not has been the subject of discussions.

We think it’s part of some grand scheme, if we may be so bold,

To pay him back for keeping us from winning Olympic gold.

Life:  Did he celebrate with Dr. Pepper?

Not much news occurred this weekend, and you know it’s slow when,

There’s lots printed about another wedding for Jennifer Aniston.

The biggest event that we saw, a sight we couldn’t miss,

Was Gene Simmons getting married and sealing it with a KISS.

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