by Bob Sparrow
We have stuffed ourselves since we knowingly bought more candy than we knew we were going to need for those two trick-or-treaters that come at Halloween. We’ve foolishly thought that we’d really ‘try to watch it’ this year during the ‘Holiday Season’ – we didn’t. So now we’re at a place where we’ve been almost every year – time to get serious about exercise, losing some weight, eating healthier and OK maybe drinking a little less going forward. We’re thinking like this because we’re finally going to put this year behind us and get a new lease on life at the beginning of a new year. We’re thinking, “New Year, New Me.” Even though we know we’re going to bring that same old ‘me’ into another new year.
But hope springs eternal, so we go through the exercise of either mentally making or actually writing down, some “New Year’s Resolutions”. Perhaps, like me, you just think casually about a few things that you could improve and rely on ‘hope’ to somehow make this new year different.
So, I would be the last one to give you tips on how to make better resolutions or how to accomplish those that you did or may have already made or are thinking about making. No, I’m just going to offer some observations that I’ve found about resolutions and hope we can all get a good laugh at this way-too-frequent fruitless exercise.
- On “Healthy Eating”:
A friend of mine once vowed to “eat clean” starting January 1. On January 2, she proudly meal‑prepped grilled chicken and broccoli… then rewarded herself for her discipline with a slice of cheesecake. By January 4, she was meal‑prepping cheesecake.
- The Gym Membership
A guy I know signed up for a gym membership on January 1 with the enthusiasm of a motivational speaker.
He went once.
He spent the rest of the year referring to the monthly charge as his “charitable contribution to fitness.”
- The “Read More Books” Resolution
A lady decided she’d read a book a week.
She bought 12 books on January 1.
By February, she had read… the receipts.
- The Minimalist Makeover
A woman decided she’d declutter her entire house.
She started with her closet, found a sweater she forgot she owned, tried it on, loved it, and spent the rest of the day online shopping for clothes that would “match the sweater’s vibe.”
- The Meditation Journey
A man downloaded a meditation app and promised to meditate every morning.
Day 1: “This is so peaceful.”
Day 2: “I think I’m doing it wrong.”
Day 3: Fell asleep and woke up late for work.
Day 4: Deleted the app because “it was stressing him out.”
- The Sugar Detox
A guy swore off sugar for the whole month of January.
On January 3, someone brought cookies to the office.
He ate one.
Then he ate six more to “get rid of the temptation.”
You may have your own ‘Resolution Responses’, whether you set yourself up for failure or have an unusual ‘success story’, we’d love to hear it.
Either way, we wish you a most happy and healthy 2026.
