MY FREEBIE BIRTHDAY

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Whelp…this week I will celebrate another birthday. Actually, a rather large birthday. I won’t say how old I’ll be, but when I mentioned my age in my Pilates class last week the other (younger) participants looked at me like I was a relic from an archeological dig. They could hardly believe that I was still roaming the earth, much less making it through a 50-minute exercise class. In fairness, twenty years ago I would have thought the same thing, but somehow the years creep up and although I’m certainly not in the shape I was back then, I’m still able to move with a minimum of creaking. There are lots of reasons I’ve been able to stay in reasonable shape, foremost among them Dooley, who is a greater task master than my Pilates instructor. He goes to the dog run door multiple times a day, sometimes for good reason but mostly for the fun of watching me hoist myself off the couch to let him out and then stand there with a look on his face that screams, “Hah! Made you get up again, you idiot!”

Because of my impending birthday I was especially interested in an article in the Wall Street Journal last week about people who make a game out of collecting birthday “freebies” from businesses. They are otherwise known as “birthday freeloaders”. Their objective is to collect as many freebies as possible within the 24 hours of their birthday. The Journal story featured a Southern California man, Clint Svatos, whose goal was to break his record from last year of collecting 35 freebies. This year he dragged his children along to help eat some of the more sugar-filled gifts. Even he admits they were embarrassed by his antics. But by early evening he had set a new personal record — 40 freebies. His freebies included 10 free beverages, 14 free desserts, 12 free food items including wings, burgers, tacos and popcorn, and four other discounted products. 

Another person, Eva Larson, approaches her birthday as a marathon. She discovered that some places allow you to collect your birthday prize up to 30 days after your birthday, so this year, she spread her freebie crusade over nine days in June, which allowed her to grab 61 deals. She makes Clint look like a piker. She admitted that her birthday freebie grab has become almost a full-time job for a week, estimating that she spent at least 40 hours driving around Southern California, scheduling five to eight stops a day. And because some of the deals require that you purchase something in return for the gift, she ended up spending $258.17 to receive $509 in freebies. That’s a “profit” of $250.83 but when you add in the time spent driving around Southern California for 40 hours…well, I think Eva came out on the short end.

I don’t know…the whole birthday freebie thing seems like a lot of work to me. The sugar content alone would be enough to take ten years off of my life. This year I plan to get my hair cut, take Dooley to a “Brain Game” class (I’m not sure if it’s his or mine), indulge in a lovely dinner with friends, and then eat cake like I am “going to the chair”. I think I’m going to have to spend extra time in Pilates class next week, but unlike driving for 40 hours, birthday cake is always worth the price.