by Bob Sparrow
Two weeks ago I had to go to Hawaii to attend a conference for work. Economic times being what they are, I was asked to keep the expenses down, which I did.
My flight over to Hawaii on economy airline, ‘Pan Chance’ was highlighted by sitting next to a family with two whining, snot-nosed, germ-infested kids, while the flight home was a relaxing ‘red eye’ in one of those oh-so-comfortable, non-reclining coach seats in the very last row – if I had been any further back in the airplane I would have been handing out toilet paper.
The conference was at the beautiful Kaua’i Marriott, where I only saw the inside of the vendors’ hall, but I did buy a postcard in the airport of the beautiful Grand Hyatt Kaua’i shown below.
I didn’t stay at either of those hotels, I stayed at the Mano Kalanipo,
which was not so beautiful. I was to learn later that ‘Mano kalanipo’ is Hawaiian for ‘Where Rats Come to Play’
I should have known it wasn’t a first class hotel when a chicken showed me to my room . . .
and the bathroom was ‘out back’
My hotel was several miles from the conference hotel, but I got a good deal on a vehicle from Toro Truck Rental
We were late in signing up for the conference, so they squeezed us in at the last minute. Here is a booth from one of the other vendors at the conference
Here is my ‘booth’ . . . really!
It was like being back at the ‘kid’s table’ at Thanksgiving
Here is a typical booth banner
Here is my booth ‘banner’ . . . really!
But I remembered what my old college education professor, Dr. Telecky, told our class, “If you’re a good teacher, you can teach in a barn.” I thought he said ‘bar’ and well, it’s perhaps why I’m not teaching any longer, but that’s another story; the point is I was determined to make the best of this bad situation.
I was going to overcome all the odds and show my boss that I was there to work – no ‘just hang loose’ for this guy. As documentation for my Spartanesque time in Hawaii, I attached the following pictures and narrative to my expense report:
Here I am not lounging by the pool
Nope, you won’t find me taking a refreshing dip in the pool either – kids have probably been peeing in it all day
That’s me not tanning myself on the beach – because I fully understand and appreciate the harm that ultra violet rays can cause to the skin
Here’s a picture of me not renting one of those stupid outriggers – it’s probably like riding a bike with training wheels
And don’t look for me having one of those over-priced mai tais at a cute little tiki bar – I hear they don’t put any booze in those things anyway
Here I am not getting a table at one of those open-air, beach-side restaurants – if I wanted to eat outside I’d go camping
No, you’ll find me inside talking to a real Hawaiians about real business
How did I do? Time will tell, but I’m going to stay away from the boss for a while until the tan I didn’t get goes away.