I’m From The Government And I’m Here To Help

Headlines: Romney Practices Presidential Double-Speak

Did Romney hire illegal help to care for his lawn and yard?

He said in the debates this week that to know was really hard.

He bobbed and weaved so deftly, we didn’t know what he meant;

It looks like he is well-equipped to be our next president.

 

Money:  The One Step Forward, Two Steps Back Government Waltz

Social Security benefits, for the first time in three years

Will increase by 3.9 percent; we could hear the senior cheers.

But before they spend that money, there something they should know;

Their medical expenses will increase by four-point-oh.

 

Sports: It’s A Small World After All

It’s the start of the ‘Fall Classic’ when the rest of the world we snub;

With the exception of Toronto, which we’ve let into our club;

 Other countries that play baseball must surely feel quite slighted;

As we call it the World Series, but no other countries are invited.

 

Life: Believe Him Or Not 

Sometimes the weather’s sunny, sometimes a huge downpour,

But this week, climate guru and former veep Al Gore

Has warned us of our failings, global warming he lamented

In a story on the Internet, which he’ll tell you he invented.

 Cat got your tongue?  He brought it to us at:

www.redposey.com

 

EVERYBODY HAS A BONE TO PICK

Headlines:  Some of these people can’t tell Groucho from Karl. 

The Occupy Wall Street group continues to rant and wail,

Pointing out that it’s just wrong to have a firm “too big to fail”.

But amongst the valid points and the demonstrating mood,

It would appear that some are there just to pick up the free food.

Money:  It’s nice to know that the same lame excuses are bi-lingual.

The Chinese head of Wal-Mart has announced he’ll leave his post,

“To spend time with his family” is what he tried to boast.

But we’ve been around the block and we recognize chagrin,

It seems our best export to China is the ability to spin.

Sports:  We can’t wait for the rematch.

The Series has been set and now we know which teams to cheer,

And in college the BCS released its first standings of the year.

But the coaches stole the story in the 49er’s and Lion’s fight,

And it’s kinda hard to decide whether Harbaugh or Schwartz was right.

Life:  Perhaps Bjork was his inspiration? 

Amidst Clooney’s new flick and “The Walking Dead” premiere,

This weekend brought us news that caused both dread and fear.

Stephen Tyler, that hot mess, will now sell clothes for the rich and hip,

We’re thinking the only thing worse is if he made liner for our lips.

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HOW CAN YOU MISS US IF WE WON’T GO AWAY?

We’ve discovered in scouring the news that it seems to repeat and repeat,

So to keep our viewpoints fresh, we’re going to post two days a week.

You can subscribe to get our posts so you can keep up on our news,

And if you’d like to see us write more, leave us a “Comment” with your views.

See you on Tuesdays and Fridays!

If We Have Checks Don’t We Still Have Money?

Headlines: Has anyone in government taken Econ 101?

Not Wall Street or Obama’s cabinet has figured out a plan;

It seems it’s basic economics, they just don’t understand.

The problem’s we’re not bringing in as much as we have spent

As those who paid NO taxes went to 47 percent!

Money: Could Motown be Notown?

“Imported from Detroit” is what Chrysler says for show,

But it seems that just like Ford, their cars are made in Mexico.

Will we see the day the industry just up and disappears,

When cars are coming from abroad and nothing is made here?

 –

Sports: Slam Dunk Turns into Lame Duck

Close the basketball areas and the NBA pavilions,

The players and the owners are still fighting for their millions.

If they cancelled the whole season, all the fans would be just fine,

‘Cuz we’ll see those greedy players in the unemployment line.

Life: Swift Assent

This year’s ‘Woman of the Year’ by Billboard magazine,

Is both a pop star diva and successful country queen.

She writes all of her music and sings it just for fun;

She’s Grammy winner Taylor Swift, and she’s just 21.

  –

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TOO MUCH INFORMATION

Headlines:  We’re guessing this was not funded by the One-A-Day company. 

Multivitamins are now bad for us, was the latest news today,

Causing heart attacks, cancer, and heck, probably tooth decay.

If they banish all the vitamins we think that we’ll be fine,

We’ll stick with the tried and true – dark chocolate and red wine.

Money:  It’s the G. I. Joe of soft drinks. 

Dr. Pepper has introduced a new diet drink called DP10,

With silver bullets as its décor, they say it’s aimed at men.

Really? They think the décor will make a macho man try it?

Only if it has boobs on the can will most men ask for “diet”.

Sports:  Did someone say “perfect endings”? 

The weekend saw two fitting tributes in the world of sports,

Proving that when it comes to games it really takes all sorts.

The Raiders won for Al Davis, baby, in an emotional scene,

And a fan launched a hot dog at Tiger while he was putting on the green.

Life:  Is there no such thing as “too personal” anymore? 

Sharon Osbourne was off  “The Talk” and it caused a bit of doubt,

But then she said she was absent to have her implants taken out.

She went on to say that one breast had grown longer and had leaked,

Gee, just hearing she was absent is when my interest level peaked.

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Come Together

Headlines: How do you misplace 20,000 missiles?

Libya had stock piled 20,000 missiles

That no one’s been able to find.

Perhaps they reflect Gadhafi’s old program

Of leaving no missile behind.

Money: Good Cop, Bad Cop

Europe’s top two economies were looking for methods

Of securing their banks and their borders.

The French, wine in hand, simply said, “S’il vous plait”,

While the Germans said, “Here are your orders!”

Sports: Jimmy Johnson Not Getting Anywhere

Here’s a shout out to NASCAR and the Kansas Cup race

Won by Johnson, but we can’t understand

 How he drove all those hours; did 300 laps

And ended right where he began.

Life: He’s Got a Ticket to Bride

Paul McCartney got married last weekend

He and Nancy Shevell became one.

At his age we hope he’s not singing

A song like Here Comes the Son.

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SAFE AT HOME

Headlines:  Can she still shop on Friends and Family day?

Sarah Palin has announced that she’s not going to run,

She’s going to focus on her family, at least that’s what she’s spun.

Many will be disappointed over her campaign carcass,

But none so much as Barney’s, Saks and Neiman Marcus.

Money:  They’re still dealing with “good bones”.

Mortgage rates have fallen to historic lows,

A great time to refinance if you haven’t been foreclosed.

Jobs are still hard to come by and that’s made home sales quite drastic,

Our agent now works at the market asking “paper or plastic?”

Sports:  And he doesn’t even have Cameron Diaz for some comfort.

YES!  It finally happened, the Tigers beat the Yankees,

Forcing Jeter and Rodriguez to cry into their hankies.

With their payroll they should win it all, that’s one of the theories,

But now they know money can’t buy you love or a World Series.

Life:  Are they displaying the big brain or the small one?

The town of Thal, Austria is paying homage to their native son,

Yes, “Ah-nuld” is being honored for all the things he’s done.

There will be a new museum with a life-size bronze statue,

And maybe the gift shop will have his paternity tests for review.

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A LAP-BAND FOR THE UNIVERSE

Headlines: Does My ASStroid look big in this?

The Nobel Prize went to three guys whose find was quite distracting;

The universe, they proved, is expanding not contracting.

Just like us, it’s getting bigger, so now it needs to trim

By eating right and spending time in its Universal Gym.

Money: But can it put the seat down on the toilet?

The iPhone 4S was just rolled out

To some apathetic cheers;

The big thing: it talks back to you,

But my spouse has done that for years.

Sports: Sports Shorts

The D’back beat the Brewers to take it to game five,

 And the Phillies beat St. Louis to keep their hopes alive.

The NBA looks ready, but Tiger still has warts;

Iowa’s got NASCAR and that’s your day in sports.

Life: Steve Jobs  1955-2011

Let’s take time out to recognize an iCon in our time;

The CEO of Apple leaves us in his prime.

He was simply like no other, such an innovative guy,

We’ll think of him each time we see that uncapped Apple ‘i’

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PUT UP, PAY UP, SHUT UP

Headlines:  This gives him four more years to fit into the Superman suit.

The suspense is finally over, the guesswork is kaput,

The 2012 election won’t have Chris Christie underfoot.

He says it’s not his time, at least that’s what he swore,

But we think it’s more a matter of “always leave ‘em wanting more”.

Business:  Will the stadium seats be made of fine Corinthian leather?

The Superdome will now be named for Mercedes Benz,

Who join in the resurgence of naming-rights trends.

We hope this means good things and makes the locals smile,

And that next time there’s a hurricane, they can evacuate in style.

Sports:  Are you ready for some goofball?

It hardly seemed official, no Hank Williams on MNF,

But he was given a “time out” by ESPN’s refs.

It should come as no surprise, as his railings seem to mount,

Calling Obama and Biden the Three Stooges proves that he can’t even count.

Life:  Do they have to return the Bunny Tails? 

They learned how to do “the dip” and practiced coy flirtation,

But “The Playboy Club” is now this season’s first cancellation.

Hef’s had a bad year, lost his show and his “girl” took flight,

Maybe he should stick to “girls” his age and start dating Betty White.

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Hail to Michigan

by Bob Sparrow

I wore my Detroit Tigers t-shirt last weekend, a shirt I purchased at Tiger Stadium several years ago – the one with the mustard on it.  I had several people asked me how a California native became a Detroit fan.  Those who know me know I spent the last five  years of my career ‘commuting’ from southern California to Michigan. The traveling was never fun, but getting to know the people from Michigan was something I’ll never forget.

They are tough – they have struggled more than most states through this dismal recession, as much of their state’s economy is auto-based and the Big 3 were not so big.

They have great values – having spent a good deal of my business life ‘on the road’ I had an opportunity to visit virtually every state in the union and I can tell you that there is indeed a mid-West culture and value system, and it’s still alive and well in Michigan.

They are just good, hard-working people who deserve better – and now they are getting it.
To wit:

  • The University of Michigan is 5-0 and in Denard Robinson have the most exciting player in college football.
  • Michigan State University is 4-1 and beat Ohio State last week for the first time in over a decade
  • The Tigers won their division and now have a 2-1 lead over the Yankees in the first round of the play-offs
  • The Lions are 4-0 in a season marked by great second half comebacks
  • The ‘Hockeytown’ Red Wings continue to dominate the Central Division and their fans at ‘The Joe’ “Don’t Stop Believin’”
  • The Detroit economy still has a long way to go, but with the Big 3 making a comeback, their economy improved more than the national average last year and will probably do it again this year.

              Of all the places that I’ve been

             There’s nothing quite like Michigan