From A Bird's Eye View

Hoax, Conspiracy Theories and the Truth!

January 28, 2013By Sparrow/WatsonComments:3 Comments

by Bob Sparrow

“The great mass of people will more easily fall victim to a big lie than to a small one.”

Adolf Hitler, Mein Kampf

The recent fiasco surrounding Manti Te’o’s non-existent girlfriend (photo at left shows her in the shower) and things like the 11 million views on YouTube showing how the federal government and the Screen Actors Guild conspired to create the ‘Sandy Hook Hoax’, have me convinced that our culture will not let the facts stand in the way of a good conspiracy theory. Not that people haven’t been lied to by their government, or the Screen Actors Guild for that matter, but as a public service I’d like to put forth the real truth about some of our most popular conspiracies.

If you think that there is a possibility that Michael and Janet Jackson were actually the same person or that the ‘grassy knoll’ was never really examined as thoroughly as it could have been, then you need to read on.

Conspiracy: global warming is a real threat

Supported by: Al Gore, who told us so

Anti-Conspiracy: Global warming is a hoax perpetrated by Carrier, the air conditioning people and a few awning and umbrella companies.

The Truth: My anecdotal findings are that the globe seems to be warmer in the summer, so I lean toward the global warming theory, but it seems to cool down in the winter, so I can’t be sure. I’m going to read Al Gore’s book, An Inconvenient Truth – it’s on the Internet, which he invented.

Conspiracy: Paul McCartney walking barefoot on the Abby Road album cover proves that he was actually dead.

Supported by: Those who had high-tech record players back in the day that could play Beatles records backwards and hear Paul actually say that he was dead at the time.

Anti-Conspiracy: Paul was late for the album photo shoot and forgot to put on his shoes. What amazingly has gone unnoticed over the years is that Ringo is not wearing any underwear in the photo – he is not dead either.

The Truth: Paul is alive and actually came closer to death when a judge told him he had to pay Heather Mill $235 million in his divorce settlement.

Conspiracy: Elvis faked his death

Supported by: Elvis weighed approximately 275 pounds at the time of his ‘supposed’ death, yet the casket ‘they’ say he was buried in weighed only 210 pounds.

Anti-Conspiracy: The king didn’t fake his death, but actually died three days later after finishing second in a chili dog eating contest at the Dunes Hotel in Las Vegas.

The Truth: Elvis’ death has never been certified and rumors fly around this time of year when an elderly duet that looks an awful lot like an aging, 65 pound lighter Elvis and Jimmy Hoffa, appear for their dinner show in Sun City, Las Vegas.

Conspiracy: Shakespeare didn’t write his plays

Supported by: All those who claim to have written them

Anti-Conspiracy: Shakespeare actually wrote the plays, but in a hurry to get to the airport one morning, left them at a table at Starbuck’s where they were ultimately picked up by Francis Bacon, Christopher Marlowe and Woody Allen.

The Truth: Who cares?

Conspiracy: We never landed on the moon

Supported by: A ‘moon set’ was found inside an old cheese warehouse in the New Mexico desert; they also found a man in the warehouse with a large, round, glowing, orange face.

Anti-Conspiracy: No New Mexico license plates were found on the lunar lander.

The Truth: We of course landed on the moon and ended up bringing back some aliens and weather balloons and accidentally left them just outside a warehouse in Roswell, New Mexico.

I may be a little confused about that moon landing thing, but hopefully I’ve cleared up a lot of conspiracies for you theorists out there; although things like, ‘Is wedding cake really a birth control method?’ still remains a mystery to us.

Subscribe and you can more easily delete the weekly email.

Posted in News • Tributes

THE DEATH OF A SAN FRANCISCO ICON

January 21, 2013By Sparrow/WatsonComments:4 Comments

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

San Francisco icons generally come in steel (the Golden Gate Bridge) or concrete (Coit Tower). But sometimes they appear in flesh and blood and that is certainly the case of Vivian and Marion Brown, otherwise known as “the Brown Twins”. The picture at left, in their bright red suits and trademark leopard coats, shows them at the height of their fame, when the world had discovered them. But those of us who “knew them when” had known they were special for a long time.

In 1977 I started a job in the Financial District of San Francisco. It was a fun time – before über traders and panhandlers took over the streets. And, let’s face it, it is one of the best cities on Earth to experience quirkiness. One particularly nice day I took a walk from my office on Montgomery Street up to Union Square. Somewhere on Post Street I spotted two middle-aged women, identical in looks, dress and cadence. I did what most people do when first confronted by the Brown Twins; I did a double take, watched them as they walked the rest of the block, and then grinned from ear to ear.

Turns out that the Brown Twins came to San Francisco in the 70’s from Kalamazoo, where they were born and raised. They were co-validictorians of their high school class and both went on to earn a teaching credential. After three years of “that low-paying job” (as they described it), they moved to the City and became secretaries. Except for six months of their life, they dressed identically every day. They always lifted their forks in unison and always walked in lockstep. Neither of them married, although they did date twin brothers they met at a twin convention back in Michigan. The romances fell apart when Vivian and Marion unilaterally decided to switch dates. The twins would spend the rest of their lives together – the pleasure of each other’s company was more than enough to provide them with satisfying lives.

Over the next 25 years I worked on and off in the Financial District and in all that time I never lost the thrill of seeing the twins out for their stroll. Some people thought it brought good luck to catch the twins walking down the street. Part of the fun of seeing them was watching other people spot the twins, usually for the first time. The result was always the same – big smiles, looks of bemusement and sometimes a request for a photo. The Browns never refused a request. The picture below beautifully captures the typical “what the heck was that?” double-take that the Browns elicited:

They eventually became so well-known that they were included in all things San Francisco: socialite parties, grand openings and civic celebrations. Everything except “Beach Blanket Babylon”. The producers said they never included an act depicting the Brown Twins because no two actresses could ever pull off on stage what the Browns did every day on the street. The Browns hit the jackpot in 1988 when they were featured in a Reebock commercial. After that they became frequent guests on talk shows and were featured in commercials for IBM, Payless Drug, AT&T, Dell, Apple and Joe Boxer shorts. Richard Branson, founder of Virgin Atlantic, was so enamoured by them after they shot the commercial for his airline that he flew them first class to London for a shopping spree at Harrod’s.

But like all things in our fast-paced world, the public lost its infatuation with the Browns. They still strolled the streets of San Francisco, in their leopard coats but they slowed down. Finally, last July, Vivien fell and was taken to the hospital. The doctors discovered that she was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. Marian, ever faithful to her sister, had been trying to care for her on her own. The sad truth was, like many elderly people, they simply didn’t want to be apart and didn’t have the money for adequate care. The residuals and appearance fees had dried up long ago.

True to form, when the citizens of San Francisco heard of the twins’ plight, they came to the rescue. Money poured in to help pay for Vivian’s care, from rich and poor, famous and not famous, literally from every part of the city. People sent money for Marian’s daily pizza, some offered to drive Marian to visit Vivian each day, others organized fund-raisers.

But in the early hours of January 9th, Vivian succumbed to her illness. She was 85. Which means that for the first time in 85 years, Marian is all alone. It’s hard to imagine how hard that must be for her, literally losing a part of herself. I hope that she can take some solace in knowing that for many years she and Vivian brought joy to anyone who saw them. For me, the Brown Twins will always be a part of what made working in San Francisco a cherished memory.

Posted in Holiday observations • travel

Catalina: Hamilton Cove, Glenmore Plaza Hotel and the ‘Other Side’

January 14, 2013By Sparrow/WatsonComments:2 Comments

by Bob Sparrow

Twenty-thirteen portends to be an unusual year for me, perhaps even paranormal, what with all the ‘other side’ things that helped usher in a year with a 13 in it. No, I’m not superstitious, but like Michael Scott, I am a little ‘stitious’. While most New Year’s days I’ve watched the sun set into the Pacific Ocean somewhere along the ‘left coast’, this year I welcomed in the new year on the ‘other side’ watching the sun coming up over the Pacific from Hamilton Cove on Catalina Island – truly a unique experience. OK, truth is there haven’t been too many years when I’ve even seen the sun on New Year’s Day, but that’s another story.

If you’ve never been there, Hamilton Cove looks like it belongs on the ‘other side’ of the Atlantic, perhaps on a Greek island coastline or hanging somewhere off the Amalfi Coast in Italy. I suppose if you have been there, it still looks that way, but as if getting away from it all in Catalina wasn’t enough, several of us wanted to get away from the people who wanted to get away from it all – to the ‘other side’ of Catalina. I discovered that Catalina is a little like the moon, in that most people only see one side, although I can tell you now from experience, that the ‘other side’ of Catalina is not dark . . . unless you go at night, then it’s really dark. Like the moon, it’s not easy to get to the ‘other side’ of Catalina, you have to have a pass that gets you through the gate on the road to the ‘other side’ that goes through the infamous ‘Airport in the Sky’, Catalina’s private airport where planes don’t really take off from the runway, the runway simply drops out from under them after several thousand feet and, presto, they’re airborne.

We were fortunate to be in the company of one Michael Amoroso, whose family has lived on the island for over twenty years and owns and operate the Glenmore Plaza Hotel, ‘the second oldest continuously operating hotel in California’, so says Michael’s brother, Jimmy, who manages the hotel. I thought it odd that a hotel in this relatively remote location would have such a distinction so I asked Jimmy Jr., Jimmy’s son who works at the hotel, “Whose #1?” He replied like someone who’d studied hotel history his entire life, “The Hotel del Coronado.” I decided to see what Google had to say on the matter:

‘Oldest hotel in California’ – the Benicia in northern California – est. 1852
‘One of the oldest hotels in California’ – Murphy’s in the gold country – est. 1856
‘One of the oldest continuously operating hotels in Calif’ – National Hotel (also in the gold country) – est. 1859
‘Largest resort hotel in the world’ – Hotel del Coronado – est. 1888
‘Second oldest hotel in California’ – so stated on Google about the Glenmore Plaza Hotel, but it doesn’t say who’s first or when the Glenmore was established. Wikipedia probably got their information from Jimmy Jr. too.

I also found on Google a picture with a caption that said, ‘Second oldest hotel in California’ – it was not a picture of the Glenmore.

Meanwhile, back on the road to ‘the other side’, just before reaching the airport we see a buffalo standing alongside the road. I’ll tell you the history of how buffalo got on the island . . . another time. After a brief stop at the airport, we start down on the western slope of the island; the paved road turns to dirt. We drive past El Rancho Escondido, a ranch, Michael tells us, started by the Wrigley family back in the ‘30s for breeding Arabian horses – another story too long to tell here. We also pass a vineyard – yes, another story. The road leads us to a west coast inlet called ‘Little Harbor’, where there is no man-made harbor, but a small campgrounds and no campers, no nothing except a beautiful uncluttered coastline, which is pretty much what all of the ‘other side’ of Catalina is. We walked along the beach on this beautiful January day and enjoyed the fresh air, sunshine and solitude.

Our return to civilization is uneventful except for the stories Michael tells us of the ghosts that inhabit the island. Back in Avalon we thank Michael for exposing us to the many stories and sides of Catalina, particularly ‘the other side’.

Subscribe to our blog and get it ‘free’ (yes, it’s already free) and have it come directly to your email (not to your ‘spam’ file!).

Posted in opinion

THE CURSE OF KALE

January 7, 2013By Sparrow/WatsonComments:

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Have you noticed that we are surrounded by diet tips this time of year? No matter where I’ve turned lately, someone is telling me how I can expend calories, lower my BMI or lose weight. Frankly, I don’t think my weight is any of their damn business.

Usually I enjoy reading USA Today – the articles exactly match the (short) length of my attention span. And there are pictures – lots of pictures. But this past week even they bombarded me with diet and exercise tips. The Main news section went into an agonizing description of every diet and which medical group endorses it. Blah, blah, blah. Then the Money section dissected the cost of the various diet plans. Sports calculated the calories used during simple everyday tasks like mowing the lawn, chopping wood, and rock climbing. Clearly they’ve not taken into consideration people such as myself. I need to know the net calorie count of sitting on the couch eating popcorn while watching “Downton Abbey”. Finally, the Life section had real life stories of people who had lost 100 pounds. I don’t care what they say, you just know these people are miserable. And most of them gain it all back in a Bacchanalia of Domino’s pizza and grape slurpees.

I blame a lot of this diet craze on the recent assent of kale. Who had even heard of kale five years ago? Now it’s in everything. Restaurants feature kale salad, which is basically kale and then a lot of things mixed with it to mask the taste of kale. There are recipes in magazines for kale chips, kale smoothies, and I even saw one for kale ice cream. The kale craze really hit the Rubicon when one famous, do-gooder, skinny-as-a-rail chef suggested putting kale in a chocolate cake recipe. That is one step too far. Not on my watch will something like kale ruin a perfectly delicious confection of sugar and butter.

So for me, I’m going to cut out the middle man this year and not even start a diet. And I’m certainly not going to add freaking kale to my meals. I’m sticking with the triple chocolate cake from Costco (minus any kale, thank you very much) and I’m guessing that I will end up weighing the same at the end of 2013 as I do today. And I won’t have had the humiliation of kale stuck to my teeth.

Note: This week we changed domain name to “From A Bird’s Eye View” so it now matches the name of the blog. The bad news is that if you want to continue to get our weekly posts in your email you will need to sign up again. It’s not hard…just put your email address in the subscribe box on the upper right side of this post and we’ll appear in your inbox each Monday. Thanks!

Posted in Holiday observations • Uncategorized

LOOKING BACK FOR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

December 31, 2012By Sparrow/WatsonComments:5 Comments

by Bob Sparrow

Thank you to my sister, Suzanne for introducing me to the idea of the ‘upside down bucket list’, for it was that concept that has inspired me to look at New Year’s resolutions differently. Like many, I typically resolve to be a better spouse, parent, friend . . . person and include the requisite increase in exercise and consumption of much healthier food resulting in a painfully slow, if ever, decrease in weight. Like many, I also have a bucket list of places I want to visit and things I want to do and resolutions always include checking off a few of those items during the ensuing year. While resolutions and bucket lists look great in late December, reality seems to find its way into the new year and render many, if not most, of our resolutions unattainable.

So this year, rather than ‘dream’ about the places I’d like to go in 2013, I thought I’d do the ‘upside down thing’ and look back at 2012 and review what I’d done and where I’d actually been. Then, rather than be disappointed at not doing or getting to the places I resolved to get to, I’d be able to just ‘grade’ myself based on what I’d done and where I’d gone and hopefully put a few checks on that big bucket list.

Twenty-twelve will not be marked in my memory by the many places I visited or the life I led, but rather by the life I lost – the passing in February of my best friend, Don Klapperich. For more than 50 years he was a best friend, a mentor, a singing partner, a moral compass, a confidant, the little voice in my head and so much more. He was a most talented, intelligent, entertaining and complex man. He knew me better than anyone and I knew him as much as anyone could. I miss him dearly. I regret not spending more time with him, not talking to him more on the phone, not emailing as often as I could have, not going to visit more often. I suppose it’s natural to now have a better understanding of the tenuousness of life; to better appreciate each day we’re given and to not take those around us for granted. I don’t know if it’s a resolution, but I will try harder to remember these things – they have become more important to me.

Those who have followed our blog know that I’ve had the privilege of going to some wonderful places this year. In January I was in Hawaii, on the Big Island to watch the PGA Senior’s golf tournament at Hualalai and then on to Maui to play golf and just watch some sunsets at Wailea. I had a much too up-close and personal look at ‘senior living’ at my mom’s facility in Sonoma and while I was in the area I hiked through historical Jack London State Park in the rolling hills of Glen Ellen. I traveled across country on business to Sunriver, Oregon, Minneapolis, Minnesota, Holyoke, Massachusetts and I HAD to return to the island of Kauai to attend a conference. I lived on a boat in the harbor in Cabo San Lucas for three days while not catching a single fish, but I did get to hang upside down at the Giggling Marlin. I spent a week in our timeshare in Palm Desert for the 18^th year in a row and hope I can play another 18. I revisited the differences between northern and southern California as I returned to the palm and pine trees on Highway 99 out of Fresno, and I spent several days not quite 26 miles across the sea on Catalina Island. I thought I saw John Lennon at the Laguna Sawdust Festival, twice! I stood at the lowest point on the North American continent in surprisingly stunning Death Valley, and I stood on top of Half Dome in not-so-surprisingly stunning Yosemite National Park. And I had my annual martini with my Dad in his final resting place at Lake Tahoe.

That’s an upside down list that I may have a hard time topping in 2013. I feel so very privileged to be afforded the opportunities to experience all that I have in 2012 and I know I was privileged to have such a great best friend for over 50 years. It was a memorable year in so many ways. I recommend looking back at your year and the only resolution I would make is that in a year from now you’re going to look back at 2013 – make it memorable.

I know I speak for my dear friend and wonderfully talented sister, which she doesn’t often let me do because she can speak so well for herself, in thanking all of you who read our blog and especially those who send us back comments to let us know our words don’t all end up in cyber space. May you all have an extraordinary 2013.

And now a word from our sponsor

Most of you know I’m now working for Zipz Gear, a unique shoe company, but may not know that I am now writing a ‘shoe blog’ called ‘From the Lipz of Zipz’. You can find the blog by going to our website at www.zipzgear.com. Feel free to check out the shoes while you’re there.

Posted in Uncategorized

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

December 24, 2012By Sparrow/WatsonComments:8 Comments

We here at “A Bird’s Eye View” are taking a break for Christmas. Actually, we consumed too much egg nog and can’t string two sentences together. But fear not, we’ll be back next week with some inspiring drivel for the new year.

Merry Christmas to everyone and thank you so much for reading our blog each week. We appreciate your “views” and comments.

Bob and Suzanne

Posted in Holiday observations

THE UGLY CHRISTMAS SHIRT

December 17, 2012By Sparrow/WatsonComments:4 Comments

By Suzanne Sparrow Watson

Note: The shooting in Newtown, CT. is foremost on my mind this week and ordinarily I might comment on it. But others have and will continue to write much more eloquently than me on the subject. And frankly, I still get too choked up thinking about it. So I’ve decided to stay within my wheelhouse and hopefully bring a much-needed laugh or at least the glimmer of a smile to you today.
Last week I lamented to my husband that our Christmas tree is looking a bit forlorn this year. There is barely a present under its boughs – it looks like Whoville after the Grinch stole all the presents. The problem? Gift cards.

Our tree used to be overflowing with beautiful packages – glimmering paper, bright shiny bows and the occasional gift bag. Now – we have a few meager looking gifts and many, many envelopes. I get it – there is a certain practicality to gift cards. It’s easy for us to shop, the recipients get exactly what they want, and hopefully, they can take advantage of the after-Christmas knock-downs. Prices, not fist fights.

But buying gift cards has all the joie de vivre of taking the car in for service. Most every company’s card can be purchased while picking up parsnips at Safeway or cough medicine at Walgreens. I still think there is nothing as satisfying as finding exactly the right present for someone and watching their face light up as they open it on Christmas morning. But I also recognize that sometimes things go terribly wrong. We have had “train wrecks” galore in our family all springing from the good intentions of our mother.

Well into her 90’s, despite years of our protestations, each Christmas she insisted on giving a shirt to every adult family member. To give benefit to the doubt, let’s just say that at her age, she does not exactly have her finger on the pulse of current fashion. Or anything that even hints of fashion in the last 30 years. Each Christmas she would lovingly select quite possibly the worst shirts ever made – colorful geometric or wild prints for the guys and sequins or some sort of farm animal motif for the women. Over the years we could have won Oscars for our performance while opening these gifts. And when it was our turn to open “the shirt” our siblings and their spouses would be in the corner trying to hold in the laughter as we artfully “oohed” and “aahed” our way through with as much sincerity as we could muster.

One year she so outdid herself in her selection of my nephew Matt’s shirt that my nephew-in-law, Colin, declared that it was, in fact, The Ugliest Shirt on Earth. After peals of laughter and a dare to wear it in public, the shirt went into hiding. Matt is a man who knows that revenge is best served cold; he re-gifted the shirt to Colin on his birthday in July, when he was least expecting it. Colin, in turn, wrapped it up beautifully the following Christmas and re-gifted it back to Matt. Over the years, the shirt has been hidden in expensive wine containers, golf ball boxes, and rolled up into Christmas stockings. But the sine qua non, was when Colin, who is British, sent the shirt to his parents in England who put it in a local department store box and sent it Fed Ex to an unsuspecting Matt at his office.

Which all goes to prove that even the worst of gifts can provide years of amusement. Just try doing that with a gift card.

Posted in Holiday observations • Tributes • Uncategorized

HOLIDAY TRAVEL

December 10, 2012By Sparrow/WatsonComments:6 Comments

by Bob Sparrow

No, this isn’t the counterpoint to my last post on all that is good about air travel. In fact one of the reasons I have such a positive attitude towards air travel is that I don’t travel during the holidays. Whoever created the phrase, ‘holiday travel’ took the fun out of two of my favorite words. I love the holidays and I love to travel, but together you’ve got the beginnings of ‘the nightmare before Christmas’. If you’re trying to fly somewhere the nightmares feature things like delayed flight, missed connections, lost luggage, sitting on an airplane next to a guy with reindeer breath and practicing your ‘Just what I wanted’ expression when you get that battery operated recycled toilet paper dispenser. If you’re driving, the nightmares are about jammed freeways, road rage, kids screaming “Are-we-there-yet?” and the practicing of, “They just fit” when trying on those new glow-in-the-dark plastic socks.

Gone are the days when we could just go over the river and through the woods to grandmother’s house and enjoy some of her homemade Chocolate Chip cookies. Today grandma lives in a downtown, high-rise condo, six hours away where parking is limited and expensive – and the cookies are gluten-free.

Holiday travel, indeed. Shouldn’t there be a term for ruining two perfectly good words by juxtaposing them? I’m sure there are lots of similar two-word combinations that shouldn’t be joined. Here’s one that immediately comes to mind; the word ‘love’ is one of the best words around and ‘child’ is also a great word, but put them together and you’ve got . . . a bastard! Shouldn’t there be a name for these kinds of words, I mean paired words like ‘Civil war’ or ‘jumbo shrimp’ are oxymorons, so maybe we name words like ‘love child’ and ‘holiday travel’ oxybastards.

How could they do that to two such beautiful words? Etymologically speaking, the word holiday is derived from the words ‘Holy Day’, so the term originally had religious connotations, but today it seems that the closest any holiday comes to religion is when someone says, ‘Thank God I don’t have to go to work today” or “Can you believe this god-awful traffic?.” Holiday actually is a . . . never mind, what I really wanted to talk about was ‘travel’, because today in the mail I received the National Geographic Traveler magazine featuring their 2^nd Annual Best of the World – 20 Must-See Places for 2013 – great reading for a raining Sunday afternoon where I can reverse the aforementioned oxybastard and dream about and plan a ‘travel holiday’. There now, doesn’t that sound much better?

I rarely think of those two words, no matter what the order, and not think of Bob Hope traveling half way around the world every Christmas to entertain our troops. He started during World War II when he island-hopped throughout the south Pacific in 1944 to the tune of some 30,000 miles while performing over 150 USO shows. He travel to Korea during that war (Sorry, conflict) and did shows in Viet Nam every Christmas from 1964 to 1972. He also did Christmas performances during Desert Storm (1990-91) for the troops in Iraq and the Persian Gulf. Bob Hope was a ‘holiday traveler’ for 50 years, going wherever our troops were stationed. Now it wasn’t all toil and drudgery, he typically traveled in a troupe that included the likes of Ursula Andress, Anne Margaret, Carroll Baker and Raquel Welch, which for those too young to remember those beauties, today it would be like having to spend Christmas with Scarlett Johansson, Halle Berry, Charlize Theron and Salma Hayek. Hope was known to crack, “I bring them along to remind the boys what they’re fighting for.”

There is no place like home for the holidays, but those who will travel and perhaps experience ‘holiday travel’ nightmares before Christmas, might be well-served to remember when you’re flight is delayed or the traffic is backed up and even when you receive that re-gifted fruit cake, Bob Hope’s amazing sacrifice during a time when he most wanted to be home and today’s service men and women all over the world who will be home for the holiday only in their dreams.

Posted in Blog Info / Up-dates • blog updates • opinion

GOING TO THE DOGS

December 3, 2012By Sparrow/WatsonComments:1 Comment

by Suzanne Sparrow Watson

My husband and I have lost our minds. We recently decided to add to our family. No, we’re not that crazy (or young). In February we will become parents to a 12 week old Cavalier King Charles spaniel. The picture at left shows the litter at 8 days old. We don’t know yet which one will be ours, but I’m hoping it’s the smart one. I am aware of the pitfalls of a new puppy – we can say goodbye to sleep, sanity and our clean white carpeting. On the other hand, if “Puppy Breath” was sold as perfume it would be a best seller.

I haven’t owned a dog in 25 years so I thought I should become familiar with the modern dog world. Conveniently, PetSmart was sponsoring its annual Holiday Pet Festival near us this past weekend. It offered an opportunity to see (and pet) dogs, peruse the latest dog supplies and hopefully pick up some tips. And it was free. The perfect storm.

The festival was held at West World, which is a HUGE exhibition center where they hold the Barrett-Jackson car auction and other large events. I figured they would cordon off a small portion of it for the dog soiree. But as I entered the building it became clear that I am horribly, crushingly, out of date when it comes to the dogs and the vast array of “stuff” available to them.

Twenty-five years ago my dog had a collar, leash and feeding bowls. I fed her whatever canned dog food was on sale at the supermarket. On a good day she got a piece of a hot dog or whatever scrap happened to hit the kitchen floor. Apparently my laissez-faire approach to dog ownership would now warrant an emergency call to the SPCA.

The “fesitval” made it clear that today’s dog requires vitamins, special organic, gluten-free food, freeze-dried liver treats, harnesses, and a bed that would have to pass muster at the Ritz. And though not required, it was strongly suggested that if you love your dog at all you should purchase a dog massage, a day at the doggie spa, blinged out collars and sunglasses. I won’t even go into the ridiculous costumes being offered but really…some of these outifts would embarrass Lady Gaga.

All in all it was a fun day. There were small dogs and large dogs, and dogs that looked like they wanted to be anywhere else:

But my favorite was the dog who decided, right in the middle of the arena, to “do it’s business”. Big time. And guess what breed it was? A Cavalier King Charles spaniel. I think I’m going to need a bigger shovel.

Posted in Uncategorized

Things Not Heard From Passengers After A Flight

November 26, 2012By Sparrow/WatsonComments:6 Comments

by Bob Sparrow

“I wish we could go through security on our way out of the airport too”
“I didn’t realize how comfortable those middle seats were”
“I just never seem to get tired of sitting on the tarmac”
“I wish that guy in the seat in front of me could tilt his chair back a little further”
“Yum, I’ve got to get this recipe”

Most of the time I write about the destination, but this week it’s about getting there. I’ve done a fair amount of air travel, both business and pleasure and I must confess that I’ve probably not uttered any of the above phrases. But there is one thing that I utter after every flight – read on to find out.

The truth is after 2,000,000-plus miles in the not-always-friendly skies, I still think air travel is amazing. It still blows my mind to think that I can get on an airplane in California, sit in a chair traveling 600 miles an hour 35,000 feet above the ground, eat, drink, sleep, completely ignore a person sitting inches from me and within a few hours I can be in Connecticut. I actually flew to Connecticut a couple of weeks ago attending a sorority meeting . . . don’t ask, I’m still trying to explain it to my wife. Anyway, I may be fairly alone on this one, but I think airlines get a bad rap.

I’m always amused by self-important business executives whose flight has been delayed and they are demanding some answers. These are the same people who haven’t started one of their own meetings on time – ever. The reality is that as a society our punctuality bar has drifted fairly low and actually I think the airlines do a better job than most at being on time.

Admittedly, I love to travel, so I don’t see airplanes and airports a necessary evils – I see them as parts of the process – it’s probably that ‘life’s a journey not a destination’ thing that helps explains my lack of disdain for the airline industry. Yes, I know you’ve read stories about passengers being held on tarmacs for hours without peanuts or vodka, or someone being violated during a pat down, but the reason you’re reading about them is that they are news – they are very rare occasions given the fact that there are somewhere between 85,000 – 90,000 flights in the world PER DAY!

I actually enjoy being in an airport, because if I’m in an airport it means I’m going somewhere, and I love to go somewhere; with the possible exceptions of the dentist and back to Home Depot for the fourth time to get the part that actually fits. Most airports today are full-service – you can get a haircut, practice your golf swing, and a ‘friend of mine’ told me that you can even get a massage with a happy . . . meal. I’ve even heard of people who, if they have a few hours between flights and there is an International terminal, will go there just to eat something foreign and to listen to different foreign languages – OK, that was me on my last trip.

Of course when I was traveling a lot and was up-graded to first class most of the time that chair was a Bark-A-Lounger with a personal valet, but I ride in ‘steerage’ now and still enjoy the ride. I always get a window seat because:

I love the view – I’ve seen great aerial shots of Yosemite, the Rockies, the Mississippi River, the Alps, the Grand Canyon, the Everglades, the Statue of Liberty, even the North Pole.
I have a good bladder and don’t typically need to get up during a cross-country flight and sitting in the window seat keeps me from getting up for those with a bladder that is not as flight-friendly as mine.
I can lean up against, sleep or drool on the window instead of the person next to me.
My knees and elbows are still healing from the beverage carts that have banged into me when I used to sit in an aisle seat.

Additionally, I know when I’m in my seat, I will not get a phone call, I will not be asked to take out the garbage or fix that leaky sink – in short, I will not be bothered. And instead of those dogged eared Sky Malls to leaf through and magazines where the crossword puzzle is already partly done (incorrectly), today we have ‘Apple gadgets’. I don’t need to carry books or magazines with me, just my iPad, and of course, I have my computer for . . . computing, but the most important electronic accoutrement I carry is my iPod. Not just because it affords me a rare opportunity to just sit and listen to some of the 12,000 songs on it, but it allows me ignore my neighbor. I know that doesn’t sound very . . .well, neighborly, but I’m sure you’ve all experienced the person who sits next to you and says, “How you doing?” and before you could answer they’re telling you how they’re doing, where they’ve been, where they’re going and who’s supposed to meet them when we land. So when I sit down I put in my iPod earplug my neighbor assumes I’m busy – sometimes the iPod isn’t even on.

So, what do I always say after a flight? As I pass the cockpit on my way out . . . I always say “Thank you”. Because if I’m saying thank you it means that my perfect record of number of landings equaling the number of take offs is still intact, and I have the pilot to thank for that. I’ll admit that flying isn’t always peaches and peanuts, but even if I’ve had a bad experience I’m still amazed by that chair that goes 600 miles per hour 35,000 feet above the earth.