Posted in News

A LAP-BAND FOR THE UNIVERSE

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Headlines: Does My ASStroid look big in this?

The Nobel Prize went to three guys whose find was quite distracting;

The universe, they proved, is expanding not contracting.

Just like us, it’s getting bigger, so now it needs to trim

By eating right and spending time in its Universal Gym.

–

Money: But can it put the seat down on the toilet?

The iPhone 4S was just rolled out

To some apathetic cheers;

The big thing: it talks back to you,

But my spouse has done that for years.

–

Sports: Sports Shorts

The D’back beat the Brewers to take it to game five,

 And the Phillies beat St. Louis to keep their hopes alive.

The NBA looks ready, but Tiger still has warts;

Iowa’s got NASCAR and that’s your day in sports.

–

Life: Steve Jobs  1955-2011

Let’s take time out to recognize an iCon in our time;

The CEO of Apple leaves us in his prime.

He was simply like no other, such an innovative guy,

We’ll think of him each time we see that uncapped Apple ‘i’

–

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Posted in News • opinion • Uncategorized

PUT UP, PAY UP, SHUT UP

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Headlines:  This gives him four more years to fit into the Superman suit.

The suspense is finally over, the guesswork is kaput,

The 2012 election won’t have Chris Christie underfoot.

He says it’s not his time, at least that’s what he swore,

But we think it’s more a matter of “always leave ‘em wanting more”.

Business:  Will the stadium seats be made of fine Corinthian leather?

The Superdome will now be named for Mercedes Benz,

Who join in the resurgence of naming-rights trends.

We hope this means good things and makes the locals smile,

And that next time there’s a hurricane, they can evacuate in style.

Sports:  Are you ready for some goofball?

It hardly seemed official, no Hank Williams on MNF,

But he was given a “time out” by ESPN’s refs.

It should come as no surprise, as his railings seem to mount,

Calling Obama and Biden the Three Stooges proves that he can’t even count.

Life:  Do they have to return the Bunny Tails? 

They learned how to do “the dip” and practiced coy flirtation,

But “The Playboy Club” is now this season’s first cancellation.

Hef’s had a bad year, lost his show and his “girl” took flight,

Maybe he should stick to “girls” his age and start dating Betty White.

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Posted in News • Tributes

Hail to Michigan

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by Bob Sparrow

I wore my Detroit Tigers t-shirt last weekend, a shirt I purchased at Tiger Stadium several years ago – the one with the mustard on it.  I had several people asked me how a California native became a Detroit fan.  Those who know me know I spent the last five  years of my career ‘commuting’ from southern California to Michigan. The traveling was never fun, but getting to know the people from Michigan was something I’ll never forget.

They are tough – they have struggled more than most states through this dismal recession, as much of their state’s economy is auto-based and the Big 3 were not so big.

They have great values – having spent a good deal of my business life ‘on the road’ I had an opportunity to visit virtually every state in the union and I can tell you that there is indeed a mid-West culture and value system, and it’s still alive and well in Michigan.

They are just good, hard-working people who deserve better – and now they are getting it.
To wit:

  • The University of Michigan is 5-0 and in Denard Robinson have the most exciting player in college football.
  • Michigan State University is 4-1 and beat Ohio State last week for the first time in over a decade
  • The Tigers won their division and now have a 2-1 lead over the Yankees in the first round of the play-offs
  • The Lions are 4-0 in a season marked by great second half comebacks
  • The ‘Hockeytown’ Red Wings continue to dominate the Central Division and their fans at ‘The Joe’ “Don’t Stop Believin’”
  • The Detroit economy still has a long way to go, but with the Big 3 making a comeback, their economy improved more than the national average last year and will probably do it again this year.

              Of all the places that I’ve been

             There’s nothing quite like Michigan

Posted in News • opinion

THEY JUST DON’T GIVE A FLYING PUCK

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Headlines:  Please pass the Grey Poupon.

The Brooklyn Bridge was closed on Saturday and 700 were arrested,

The group “Occupy Wall Street” kept the thoroughfares congested.

They’re trying to focus attention on the greed of the big shots,

But the executives couldn’t hear them – they’re all out on their yachts.

Business:  So, we all just need to spend more money?

Economists just reported consumer spending hit its low,

And the economy for the next 10 years will most likely remain slow.

They say that Christmas will be lean with so many people on the dole,

Guess Santa should be stocking up on lots of lumps of coal.

Sports:  Karma, baby.

Sidney Crosby of the Penguins has had problems with concussions,

And whether he should play or not has been the subject of discussions.

We think it’s part of some grand scheme, if we may be so bold,

To pay him back for keeping us from winning Olympic gold.

Life:  Did he celebrate with Dr. Pepper?

Not much news occurred this weekend, and you know it’s slow when,

There’s lots printed about another wedding for Jennifer Aniston.

The biggest event that we saw, a sight we couldn’t miss,

Was Gene Simmons getting married and sealing it with a KISS.

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Posted in News

It’s All About Michael

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Conrad Murray’s standing trial in the Michael Jackson case;

It appears that he is not a MD pillar.

Did Michael off himself or did foul play cause his death?

The trial is bound to be a national Thriller.

–

Was the doctor misinformed or was he really Bad;

 Was he tired of listening to that MJ squeal?

Michael disagreed with lots of things the doctor did,

He said, “Doc, I don’t like The Way You Make Me Feel”

–

A Smooth Criminal Murray says he’s not;

Telling Michael that the pill, he shouldn’t eat it.

If the jury buys his story that he was there to help,

Of the charges that he faces, he will Beat It.

–

 Michael ‘King of Pop’ lived in such a world of dream

But he had dancing moves and could belt out Billy Jean.

– – –

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Posted in News

EVERYONE’S ON FIRE

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AHEM…well now, after letting off a little steam yesterday we’re back to our rhyming format.  However, we are always seeking to improve and love to get feedback, so if you would like more “opinion pieces” in the future, or have any other thoughts about our blog, please leave a comment below.

And now for today’s news: 

HEADLINES:    But will it make my coffee in the morning? 

Amazon has announced its new tablet “Fire”,

And at a price of $199 it truly is inspired.

You can stream movies and music, even MJ’s “Thriller”,

But the real question is, is it an i-Pad killer?

BUSINESS:    Don’t we have enough of an obesity problem? 

Fast food joints have seen their sales in deep decline,

So now they’re offering deals to entice you in to dine.

Let’s see, on the same day we read that health premiums are up,

We’re not sure what we need are cheaper Slurpee cups.

Sports:  We hope the sumo wrestlers are not part of this program. 

ESPN’s has named the athletes to be in its  “Body Issue”,

They’ll pose almost nude, with some strategically placed tissue.

Among them Hope Solo and Jose Reyes will stare into the lens darkly,

We’re just praying they don’t decide to bring back Charles Barkley.

Life:  Who gets the eyebrow trimmer from his office? 

The clock has finally ticked down for “60 Minutes’” Andy Rooney,

Who – we must admit- can be a bit disgruntled and loony.

But he offered the best advice about handling credit card offers,

Send the pre-paid envelope back empty – the postage comes out of their coffers!

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Posted in News

ARE YOU SH*TING ME?

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The news is getting worse with time;

Sometimes we get too pissed to rhyme.

 Headlines:       Are you sh*ting me?  Our fiscal year ends Friday and our elected representatives are politicking, brinksmanshiping, threatening another government shutdown as the Disaster Relief Funds has become a political football.  You know who really needs Disaster Relief?  We do; the disaster is the people running our government.  Democrat, Republican or Independent, I’m campaigning for anyone who isn’t an incumbent.

Money: Are you sh*ting me?  Quit sugar-coating it, the stock market is nothing like a roller coaster ride – at least there’s some enjoyment there; we’re walking under a piano that’s being dropped from a three-story building.  We don’t know about you, but we certainly can’t figure out what the Germans are going to do about the Greeks or what the Chinese are going to do with all our debt.  Best money idea – backyard, coffee can, shovel.

Sports: Are you sh*ting me?   The Dallas Cowboys win a game where the only way they score is by kicking 6 field goals.  If you can’t score a touchdown, you shouldn’t win the  game.  Rumor has it that the Cowboys were inspired by the following quote that was hanging in their locker room: “I keek a touchdown”  Garo Yepremian, 1966

Life: Are you sh*ting me? Saudi Arabia might be allowing women to vote . . . in 2015!  However Saudi women will still not be able to travel, work, marry, get divorced, be admitted to a hospital or live independently without permission from a male guardian.  Can you say oil independence?

And one last thing: Are you sh*ting me?  Our financially strapped government is looking to provide college scholarships to illegal aliens.  Not that our elected
representative should know the law or anything, but that is aiding and abetting
a criminal . . . and that’s a FELONY.

Have a nice day!

Posted in Uncategorized

STOP THE SILLINESS

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Headlines:  Do we have ourselves a “Situation”? 

Chris Christie axed the tax credit for “The Jersey Shore”,

Saying taxpayers shouldn’t foot the bill for that drivel anymore.

While Christie may not run for prez, he sure is a smart cookie,

‘Cause he calls ‘em as he sees ‘em, even when it’s Snookie.

Money:  Is there a charge for walking in the door?

It seems that more and more we’re being squeezed for every buck,

Now banks will charge us more just when we’re all down on our luck.

Checking accounts will rarely be free, add that to our list of fines,

The banks are beginning to nickel and dime us just like the airlines.

Sports:  Is there a “no-tell” clause in that contract?

Tigers Woods signed a new caddie, Joe LaCava is his name,

He has hopes that this new “looper” will improve his mind and game.

Why Freddie’s former caddie would sign with Tiger has us vexed,

But we do know his main job will be keeping track of Tiger’s texts.

Life:  We’re a long way from Archie and Veronica

DC Comics has unleashed a new series of Teen Titans,

Super Boy will save the day and Thrice will scare and frighten.

A gay character that builds brick walls is a new invention,

We can hardly wait to see the next ComicCon convention.

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Posted in News

Planning Your Next Hike?

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Headlines: I thought you brought the map!

Just in case you are thinking of camping and hiking,

Keep something in mind if you can;

Bring supplies for two years if you’re planning to go

Near the border of Iraq and Iran.

Money: Help wanted, some travel involved.

For the jobless we’re hearing there’s news that is good;

 There’s someplace where employment is growing.

If you’re looking for work and don’t like paying taxes,

To the Middle East you should be going.

Sports: Which group of millionaire crybabies are you rooting for?

The NBA players can’t agree with the owners;

Greed for millions has led to a fatigue.

Training camps have been cancelled along with some games;

Perhaps we just scrap the whole league.

Life: Was Henny Penny Right?

NASA told us that pieces of a satellite were falling;

As to where, they guessed the Pacific.

Or maybe on a house or a car or your head;

They just weren’t sounding too scientific.

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Posted in News • opinion

CHANGE IS IN THE AIR

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Headlines:  Did Meg get a signing bonus?

 Once the champ of the Silicon Valley,

HP’s stock hasn’t seen much of a rally.

So they’ve hired Meg Whitman to save the day,

Or, at worst, she can auction it off on EBay.

Business:  Is Facebook trying  to make it more confusing?

 On Thursday, Mark Zukerberg announced a new look,

New music, new games and a “Timeline” for Facebook.

                       Most of us are still reeling from the changes we just got,

Labeling all our friends as “close” … or not.

Sports:  Did Michael or Scottie care?

Dennis Rodman, the Chicago Bull who was just a bit dotty,

Now says he never spoke to Michael or Scottie.

Jordan or Pippen didn’t care, is my guess,

They were too amazed by Rodman’s wedding dress.

Life:  Beyonce will not have your mother’s pregnancy.

 Beyonce sparkled this week at her perfume’s debut,

Said her pregnancy would not be matronly or subdued.

We’re thinking she’ll eat right and try to stay fit,

And not want to put an onion ring on it.

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